Conclusion of the saga - I think I'll stick to the bed-at-midnight, up-at-three routine for now. At least that way I can force myself awake at 8.30am, be in the office by 9.30am latest and get some work done before lunch. It is appalling that tomorrow will already be Thursday, and I have not yet finished a two page proposal I promised Peter I'd have done this week! Okay, so Monday was spent on the annaual review report; but apart from all that, I have been spending too much time trying to set things up on Moveable Type.. time I can't afford, frankly.
Now that the undergrads are virtually done with their exams, I am beginning to have a social life again - and that, while voluntary at best, messes up my schedule as well. But I have been cooped up ever since they started their exams, and missing some good old games of football or badminton would be hard for me to do. Only tonight me and Ana joined in the staff / postgraduate badminton session at the sports center with Paul; I think we had a good couple of games but I am rusty - my drop shots, my net play and my movements are still very much out of sync. It will take a while, no doubt about that, to get things back together again.
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Of course, the news on everyone's lips today is the David Beckham transfer saga. Did Fergie kick him out? Tommy Docherty thinks so. Whatever it is, one question that I'd like to put out is that did Real Madrid buy David Beckham the football player, or did they buy David Beckham the brand name?
Already it has emerged that Real Madrid has a policy of taking 50 percent of any sponsorship deal their players sign while that player is under contract with the team. This means that 50 percent of any image rights deals and sponsorship Beckham signs after July 2, 2003 goes into Real Madrid's coffers. Given that the man himself has an image that overshadows better players such as Zidane and Ronaldo, imagine how much Real Madrid would be running to the bank with thanks to his good looks, pop star wife and screaming teenage girls. This is not including the jersey sales with Beckham's names emblazoned on the back - whether his number is 7 or 77. Would Beckham have been sold for that much money if he had the "dashing good looks" of Luke Chadwick, or Martin Keown, perhaps? One wonders.
Beckham's decision to sign for Real instead of Barca also smacked of revenge towards the club that sold him. Manchester United stood to have received £30m had Beckham been sold to Barcelona, but only managed to reap £24.5m from Real Madrid. It probably was also a slap in the face for one Juan LaPorta, the newly elected president of Barcelona FC, whose whole campaign was surrounded by his 'promise' to bring Beckham to the Catalan team. He won the election - but in true politician style, failed to keep his major promise.
While at United, Beckham received £20,000 a week for his image rights - not including any sponsorship deals. His decision to sacrifice a large fraction of that amount, including any sponsorship deals he is about to sign, may signal a different intent : one of a footballer trying to reestablish his image as a footballer first and foremost, and popular culture icon second. His forfeit of that share of the money could be an attempt to win back genuine football fans who have been disillusioned with his lifestyle, which grabs more tabloid space than his actual trade. It seems to be saying, "I don't care about the money - I am going to the biggest club in the world" - for after Old Trafford any way other than to the Barnabeu stadium is a step down - and "Forget the money, I'm here to play with the best and to prove I am one of the best".
Whether he will be in the starting lineup or will accompany England's other 'midfield maestro' Steve McManaman as perennial bench warmers is left to be seen. La Liga is a different league to play in compared to the Premieship; Beckham's flair may be flashy by English standards, but Spain's Latin American connection makes the football a different art form altogether.
So it seems like a win-win situation for both parties. Our Becks gets to prove himself in one of the best leagues in the world, and Real Madrid can make more money to lure more players of his calibre - or marketing power. My only hope, as a Man Utd fan for 17 years running now, is that he will do a Sparky - Mark 'Sparky' Hughes left Manchester for Barcelona and Bayern Munich in the 1980's, only to come back even better and helped spearhead United's campaign to win their first championship in 26 years.
Links to what is being said in the UK about Beckham's transfer:
BBC Online Sport
The Guardian
The Times
... and for a little tabloid feel to things.. Daily Mirror
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/17/2003 11:55:08 PM
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BODY:
"Remember.. with great power comes great responsibility" Ben Parker, Spiderman (2002) 
I am, to be honest, in two minds about staying off campus. Always have been. On the one hand, being off campus allows me to save money. Our rent, even when adjusted for projected bills and bus fares, is cheaper than staying on campus. Potentially, we could splurge on Sky, which is a nice thing to have, but how economical, I am not quite sure yet. I will also be getting a bigger, cosier room for a lower price - on campus I would be theoretically paying almost twice as much for a room that is twice as small.
On the other hand, most of the action will be on campus. I can foresee myself spending more time on campus than off; and if everything goes according to plan, I will probably have a place to crash on campus anyway. I will also miss being able to go online at all hours - broadband has yet to reach the outer limits that is Lancaster - and not having an internal phone may mean more usage of my mobile, but hey.. at least my free minutes will be used up! All in all, though, I can't really say being off campus is good or bad, until I go ahead and do the deed.
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It has been quite a warm few days as of late - a scorcher of a weekend and while today started off as being quite gloomy, things quickly picked up later in the day. We decided to have a game of football - the boys and the girls together - today, for old times' sake more than anything else. Messing about on the astroturf at 7pm felt like walking around town in Malaysia at 5pm, almost. We ended the day with a meal at Popeye's - yes, Lancaster's premier halal fried chicken outlet.
Most of the undergrads will be going home for the summer - in fact the last bastion of hope for the undergrad's representation in Lancaster this summer is having second thoughts as we speak. Summer is usually a quiet and lonely time for me - postgraduates, while there are many of them, are mostly married with kids, and can't be as spontaneous as the undergrads are when one has a spur of the moment idea. Having said that, it could be beneficial for me - mostly in line with my maturing process - to mix with older people; perhaps come September I will be able to act my age!
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So David Beckham has left Manchester United for Real Madrid, if all the news reports are to be believed. Soccernet is carrying it as its lead, as is BBC Sports Online. I am not quite sure what to comment on this; on the one hand I am devastated with the sale, having seen David Beckham come through the ranks like he did. I have pictures of Beckham as a 19 and 20 year old still kept tucked in a folder somewhere - I remember keeping that article, which was from Match magazine, just in case he did make it big.
But across the years, the Beckham that I see in the papers today is not the Beckham of young that I remembered. The glamour and the media coverage endeared him less and less to me; I am a firm believer in the tenet that the best footballers should let their football do the talking and lie low otherwise.
So, could this be Fergie's biggest mistake? Will United crumble under the lack of Beckham's midfield presence? Or will the team just march on regardless, just in the aftermath of Cantona's retirement? United arguably still have Juan Veron, who jostled for first team status with Beckham last season. Perhaps Beckham's departure will be the catalyst for the re-emergence of Seba. Why sell Beckham and not Veron, one may ask, especially if Veron was the more inconsistent one last season. My answer would be, there is some face-saving that needs to be done - Ferguson will be the last to admit that Veron is a £28.1m flop.
There is also the captaincy - the England captaincy, that is. Beckham still has Gary Neville and Ryan Giggs ahead of him in the captain's armband line in the absence of Roy Keane; it is only England who elevate him to leadership position. What if Beckham remains a bench warmer at Real? Would he still be captain of England then? Or will misfiring Owen be given the captain's armband for good? Now is a good time as any for Beckham to prove that he indeed has midfield prowess, and not only just lives on the the reputation of his free kicks.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/16/2003 07:24:32 PM
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BODY:
"A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune." -Anon.
Took a nice long break today, and went to Sheffield with Khalid, Ana and Adniz. I really needed a break from Lancaster, especially after the events of this weekend. Am actually quite tired now, so I won't waffle on too long. Just long enough to say we took the Peak District way to Sheffield via the Snake Pass; but instead of it being dark and dreary like it was last time we went over the Pennines, today's startling sunshine made it a beauty.
I've put up one of the pictures from the Peak District in the photoblog, with more to come soon, InsyaAllah. As for tonight, I'm off to bed.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/15/2003 08:45:52 AM
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BODY:
"The difference between a boss and a leader: a boss says, 'Go!' - a leader says, 'Let's go!'" -E. M. Kelly, Growing Disciples, 1995 
But tonight... tonight, I thought, I'd try and do something different, because in between all the marking a lot of thinking had been done and I wanted to reflect a bit more. So I got everything ready, even lighted a candle to give it a bit of a 'feel'. Then, of course, it had to happen - random Greeks started shouting downstairs as they stumble out of the bar, very much drunk. Yes, they can be pretty LOUD. So no.. it's not going to be a good night for writing after all.
So back to mundane droning - heh - yeah, I got the marking done at about 10am this morning. [No Asran, I haven't failed anybody yet. Some of these students don't need examiners failing them - they have an uncanny talent of failing themselves]. I started to key in some of the marks, as well as preparing for the talk me and two other PhD colleagues were to give at 2pm that afternoon. It is basically a hints & tips thing, a method to help them approach their dissertation. Supposedly we are to be quite the experts in the area; looking at the development of my own research, I don't quite know what I've done that gave that impression, but anyway, anything that we get paid for, we're happy to do.
Managed to finally finish all the keying in at about 1930 and prepared a sheet of personal comments for the auditor when he audits our paper later on. Then it was off to Bardsea for dinner cooked by the experts in Flat 8 - [I'd flatter them with anything for another plate of free food!]. It feels so good now that my self-imposed quarantine is over and done with. It felt good to be among friends again, without having to glance over my shoulder to check who is looking.
Having aged 30 years after the marking process and wisened somewhat marginally, I thought I'd share some of the things that might be useful for those of you taking exams. Yeah, so most of you are done, or are just starting a new semester, so I'll probably repost this when exams are nearer. But here are some of my own thoughts, anyway.
- Handwriting is of utmost importance when you are doing essay type questions. What the examiner can't read, the examiner won't mark. If you know your handwriting is particularly atrocious and you've been on the receiving end of poor marks before because of your handwriting, go see your student support counselor. Sort something out so that you get the marks your intellect deserves.
- Paragraphs, please. Looking at a whole page with no separating paragraphs can really be a pain, especially when you are marking script #214 out of 546. Skip a line, indent, capitalise, whatever, but indicate that you are starting on a new point. It makes things easier for the examiner. A happy examiner is a kind examiner.
- Use the marks to gauge how much you should write. Don't write two pages worth if the the question is only for 7 marks, and then write two paragaphs for a question that has 15 marks up for grabs. However much you know what the answer is, you will not earn anywhere near the 50 or 100 marks up for grabs if you write your answers in random bulletpoints on 2 sheets of paper. Be sensible.
- Answer the question. Look at what the questions asks from you. If it says state or name something, then clearly state or name whatever it is. If it asks you to discuss, the examiner is expecting an essay which argues both the pros and cons of the issue. Explain questions require some narration.
- Don't try and be cute and write little notes with the aim of trying to induce sympathy from the examiner. Chances are we will just laugh at them and they will become the joke of the moment in the staff coffee room for the next couple of days.
- And lastly, don't go all tactical. Don't try to be clever and second guess the questions' intentions. When you try to be too clever or too different, then chances are you are too wrong as well.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/10/2003 08:47:04 PM
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BODY:
Action..
The Lancaster University Malaysian Student's Association's web forum is hotting up. I won't put up a link for this. Go find it if you're that interested. Heheh
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/10/2003 06:28:38 PM
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BODY:
"Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs." -Malcolm Stevenson Forbes 
I am planning to watch a DVD tonight, perhaps after Maghrib prayers. I still have The Rock, John Q and Artifical Intelligence to watch for the first time, and Spiderman and Good Will Hunting has not yet been re-watched since it arrived on my shelves. I came back from the office quite early but went to Ija's for a meal. Her parents came over with her brother and son - we go a long way back: my parents and her parents were together in Durham when my dad did his PhD, so they've known me practically all my life. I feel a bit gutted that I haven't had so much time to spend with them, to take them around and the such, but it seems everyone else is filling in nicely. They leave on Tuesday, so I thought I wanted to spend a bit of quality time with them as well.
Subuh prayers are getting earlier - circa 2.30 am these days - and I am tempted to try plan B and stay up until subuh, sleep afterwards and reward myself with a few extra hours in bed. But the current routine - bed at 12, up at 3.30, back to bed till 8 - seems to work fine and I don't want to upset my rhythm too much. Sleep is a much craved after commodity for me; if I can get a good routine going and wake up refreshed the next morning, then I don't want to spoil it. Maybe I can try that next weekend.
I also wanted to reorganise my room this weekend - redo my wardrobe by storing all the winter clothes and all that; given that we are moving early next month it'll be like packing of minor proportions; but this weekend hasn't been too good to me. Exam invigilation on Saturday morning, marking in the afternoon, marking and work on Sunday as well - not a very relaxing weekend. Perhaps next weekend will be better. I have both days off from work, the marking should be done by then, and no meeting with Peter looming on the Tuesday.
InsyaAllah.
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My current song of the moment - The One You Have Not Seen by Sophie B. Hawkins. I would paste the lyrics here, but they seem to have double entendre connotations. Interested? Do a Google.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/7/2003 10:22:42 PM
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BODY:
"Perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: He alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." -Friedrich Nietzsche 
invitation for a game of badminton or three with the usual crowd. Couldn't resist flexing my muscles and showing some not-so-skillful strokes off. I've never been able to resist playing a game of anything [except volleyball]. I remember being a student in high school and having to always play something in the afternoon, even during the 'off-season' when people were swotting for their exams. It was a lucky thing I found kindred spirits. Healthy body, healthy mind, I say.
There are 100 scripts, and they have to be done by Friday. Not really an unmanageable task, given that even though I am marking 2 questions, students choose to answer one of the two. So technically it is only 100 questions that I am marking. If I manage approximately 20 scripts a day, I should be done by, say, Wednesday or Thursday. Perhaps I can even go a bit more than 20 a day, given that I've managed 15 today beginning at 4pm - with abt 2-3 hours of a break between then and now.
I've done worse before. I've had to mark 150 case studies - consisting of say.. 2-4 questions each - within the span of 7 days. 5 working days, only I am usually stuck at the office during weekends doing just that. And this had to be done on a weekly basis as well, over the course of a semester. Add to that the fact that I was also tutoring for 
other subjects and needed to get some level of preparation done; well, you should be able to understand how late hours at the office and excessive stress and working under pressure doesn't faze me, much. Although I don't handle stress as well anymore.
I don't like marking. But not as much as I don't like invigilating. Standing for hours on end doing nothing except being the toilet escort, even when you're paid for it, is painstakingly boring. Worse still when it's all done for free. Lancaster's okay though. They do pay. It softens the blow.
Anyway, a few interesting observations after marking 15 odd scripts :
Some people need to go to handwriting school! I've had 2 papers now where I had to guess what the written 
[yes, I have lived through both].
This line of thought could then potentially launch me into one of my 'being-a-lecturer-is-not-a-cushion-job' i.e. not something you fall back on when all else fails, because it's a lifestyle more than a job or a career; but I'll stop short. I actually want to put on the intellectual cap tonight and talk a bit about what I found was interesting in the presentation. [Yes, this is the cue for the 99.9% of you to stop reading and start abusing the tag-board].
One of the interesting things Bill Kinney pointed out was that however well structured mechanisms were placed to protect the interests of shareholders, one of the major flaws was in the way which the money flowed. Management - always the bad guys in any agency theory argument - pays for everything - be it the audit fees or the directors' fees or the analysts which make the recommendations. They also have the power to choose which audit firm; the power to choose which director serves on the board [yes, shareholders vote, but only from candidates previously screened by management] and the power to decide how much said director is paid, and the power to choose which analyst.
If the amount of money that changed hands were in the region of say, thousands, one could potentially overlook the whole independence issue.But when we are talking millions and billions, we are also talking about the dependence of the auditors, the directors and the analysts on the business the firm gives them : case in point - Arthur Andersen's Houston office's dependence on the $52 million it received from audit and non-audit services for Enron Corporation.
Which is why corporate governance rules seem to have been clicking in place in the past 24 months or so. The UK are the world leaders at this, for once, with the Cadbury Report in 1992 which finally became the Combined Code in 1998 after additions of the Greenbury and Hampel reports. But the US merrily lacked behind until Enron and 
World Com happened - two firms which will be eternally associated with governance failure - and then came the Sarbanes-Oxley Act 2002, which ventured where no corporate governance rule had ventured before - becoming part of the law. [The Combined Code is voluntary in the UK, but compliance or non-compliance must be stated in the annual report, failure of which would potentially result in delisting].
Some parties believe corporate governance mechanisms can work as part of the capital market - leave it alone and it will work itself out. Personally, I don't quite buy that, because of the nature that is human nature itself. Even as Muslims we are not left alone without any rules to govern us; what more so matters like this, when money is a major issue? Oh, and before someone argues that corporate governance is a western concept, just like one clueless lecturer at a seminar back home, when have concepts like honesty, accountability and transparency not been part of Islamic culture? And whoever said the West is all bad news? There are still lessons we can learn from these miscreants; if we open our eyes and our minds wide enough beyond the myopic scope we tend to get caught in ever so often.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/4/2003 10:13:53 PM
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BODY:
Update 
made to virtually drop everything and come back to one of the few places where I've found myself at peace. Don't get me wrong. I want my PhD, and I am more than aware of the gruelling and arduous task it is, and I did come mentally prepared for a bumpy ride. But did I come because the time was right, or, did I, like Shawn, want to escape?
It is no secret to the people close to me what a nightmare year it was for me in between my Masters and me coming back here for my PhD. I had never felt so demotivated, so worthless and my emotions reached a rock bottom I wish never to revisit again. The offer of a place on the PhD program had been hanging over my head for quite a while. I had received admission for October 2001, but my employers, God bless their souls, thought it better that I come back and serve part of my contract.
Which I did, playing the part of the subservient, ever-obliging employee under an obligatory service contract, up to the point where I put my sanity on the line. The main obstacle between me and a plane ride back to England was sponsorship of my PhD; and when the offer of a departmental award came through in August 2002, I pounced on the Get Out of Jail card like a starving cat attacking a dazed mouse. Even before my students took their exams, I had managed to land myself back here.
Do I want to be here? Yes. Do I want a PhD? Yes. Am I up for it? As I ever will be. So what is there left for me to contemplate, I hear you ask. It is the life I left behind.
I left behind a little sister, now barely 18 months old. To date I have missed her first word, I have yet to see her take her steps and not a day goes by without me thinking about her. Pictures of her line my wall and decorate my table, and yet each picture is a distortion of reality because every time a set of pictures arrive, she has grown a bit more.
My mum casually mentions that she is now into picture books with cats in it; at the drop of the hat I run into Lancaster and went scouting for that book. It was in the post first thing the next morning. Even as an Ebay customer, I have never made a payment that fast. I try to teach her to say my name on the phone; I doubt it will be a word she utters until I go home and teach her in person.
My sister sometimes turns on the webcam at home and I see her and she sees me, but she has no idea who I am, not like the way she recognises her other siblings. I missed watching my sister Farah grow up as a toddler because I was away at STF; this time, now that I am more appreciative and eager to be a willing participant in her life, the distance grows longer.
I may be well onto my third tertiary qualification within the span of 8-odd years; and yet I have gotten nowhere in my personal life. I have never had the time to think about boys and men and settling down - I am one-minded and driven when it comes to my education because I feel I lost so much messing about playing the fool at STF; and I thought maybe when I start working I would be able to focus on getting my personal relationships into gear.
That didn't quite go the way it planned; within weeks of landing at KLIA I was sent to a location where decent, educated men who weren't drug addicts or pornography connoisseurs were outnumbered by wild boars. The moment I get out of there, I am back in the UK - in study mode again. Does all this bother me? Not as much as it should. I am not complaining; I am [hopefully] not whining; even if I have priced myself out of the market by getting a doctorate and not having plastic surgery to correct my physical flaws, I still believe in hope.
I am still rebuilding my relationship with my family. I left home aged 12 years, 6 months and 13 days; and only came home properly when I was a few months past my 21st birthday. I am trying to reacquaint myself with my parents as adults; we are perhaps getting there, but it's not an easy thing to do over the phone. But at least there is a phone; and email and webcams and the Internet. Ten years ago I'd be reading what was purportedly last week's news which became last month's news thanks to the efficiency of Pos Malaysia and Royal Mail.
I know I needed to get out; and I know here is as close as I can be to my family without added financial obligations, without the stress and without the same people who screwed me over asking for their money back instead of the other way round. By being here I have bought myself time; time to plan, time to analyse, time to design before I execute. I have bought myself some space so I can go searching and find myself as a Muslim. There is no better place for you to learn the true meaning of who you are, then when you are a minority. I am here because I am trying to secure my future; so that we can all live together and I can finally gain some closure. I am ready and prepared to do this today, for tomorrow's sake. But I still can't help thinking about the life I left behind. Is this the only way for me to be the person I want to be?
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By the way, the movie is in no way deep. It's an MTV production, for one. But even with light movies, there are some poignant moments. Which is a rule we should think about in life, too, I guess. Even shallow river beds have deep pockets of sand.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 6/3/2003 02:49:35 PM
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BODY:
"Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present." -Roger Babson 
two hours; so if I'm not in bed by 1am I usually try to tough it out and wait for 3 am, which usually ends with an episode of me slumped in front of the computer asleep, or me sat beside my bed fast asleep sitting up straight. The good, thing, though, is that since Maghrib isn't until half past 9, once we get Zuhr prayers out of the way at 1pm, we are usually free to travel around for the rest of the afternoon. It is the opposite during winter - Isya' is at 5.45pm or thereabouts, so after Isya' only do we start moving about.
Friday, I had a meeting with Peter around midday. It's been two weeks since our last meeting, so I did have a substantial amount of work already done, which I showed him. He seemed well pleased with the progress, and in a way that made me feel a lot better as well, as if my research now has some form of direction. Which is really stupid, when you think about it, because if the research never had direction in the first place, then how could I have focused my literature review, my structure and my research questions? But there you go, that's how a good meeting with one's supervisor can put a real spring in one's step.
I felt so good I thought I would take the rest of the day off. I went into town, armed with my favourite new toy and beings that it was such a nice, splendid day, I decided to take a walk up to Lancaster castle and the Priory. Even though I am coming to the end of my second year at Lancaster, cumulatively, this is only the third time I've been up there. Really, ironic, come to think of it, because the castle is smack dab in the middle of town. The first time I went in 2000, it was dark and wet - we went to watch the Bonfire Night fireworks show. The second time was part of my tour of Lancaster for the benefit of Cik Kieli who came up in December 2002; winter time - so it too was pretty much a wet and cold experience. This third time, I made sure to walk slowly and savour the view and the sight of one of the oldest buildings of its kind.
What made me want to revisit the castle was a conversation I had with nnydd the day before; how he frequented a lot of castles and ruins in Cardiff and its vicinity - and the fact that he knew more about Lancaster's history than I did! That was a bit embarassing; I guess I haven't embraced Lancaster in the same way I embraced the history of Durham - which I still consider 'home' in a way because I grew up and went to school there for a good four years. Perhaps after a few more years here I will feel the same way about both places. So I trekked up to the castle to take pictures and wallow in the sunshine; it truly was a nice afternoon in a quiet sort of way - had I brought a book I would have just settled under any random tree to read.
Since I was already in town, I though I'd better get my weekly groceries out of the way, given that I was working this weekend and didn't have time to go to town to replenish my supplies. What a massive surprise it was when I bumped into Ben Smith, my Masters classmate, outside one of the shops on the way to Sainsbury's! He had just stepped out of the shop, saw me and instantly recognised me. It took a few seconds for me to register that was him - mainly because I didn't quite believe we'd bump into each other in Lancaster, of all places! It was really good to see him again - me and Ben and Paul were really close when we were doing our Masters; we were study buddies as well as mates. Ben now runs not one but three sunbed parlours in the North West; he sometimes is in Lancaster and promised me that if he had a free evening, we would go out for a meal and movie, just like in the old days. My decision to take Friday afternoon off seemed quite worth its while at that point!
Later that evening there was an usrah at the mosque - a common fortnightly event that the women hold; followed by a big meal to celebrate the May babies' birthdays. By the time I arrived back at my room, I was knackered and only wanted one thing - bed.
Saturday morning was spent vegetating, reading Stupid White Men while The Saturday Show droned on in the background. I only left my book to catch snippets of Woody Woodpecker; and got ready to go to the office around midday. Work as usual in the afternoon, followed by a meal at a friend's place. Jerry Maguire was on on C4, I watched a bit of it but found myself fast asleep soon afterwards - not because of the movie, mind you - but my tiredness.
Sunday morning, got up bright and early for carboot sales. I think I made a pretty good round today - at Garstang I managed to spend less than £10 and managed to get a duffel bag - Tommy Hilfiger, three football jerseys - Barcelona, Ireland and England - three story books and a pair of second hand Doc Marten boots. Was well pleased.
And so, that takes me to right now. Some bigwig is visiting Lancaster today; so there is a meet and greet session, followed by dinner tonight. I intend to put up some of the pictures that I took at Lancaster castle soon. Sort of as a story with pictures. When that's done, I'll put up the URL.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/30/2003 11:17:12 AM
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BODY:
"The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem." -Milton Friedman 
Also spent most of yesterday morning watching Almost Famous on DVD. Never got round to watching it when the hype was all abuzz; but I think it captured the zeitgeist of the so-called end of the rock-and-roll era pretty well. The debauchery and the hedonistic lifestyle of rock and roll superstars I thought was a bit understated - not too much drugs, for one - but I suppose they had to tone it down to allow the movie to get a favourable rating. I remember being much younger and having my dad telling me off for watching such movies, for fear of me following suit. Nowadays he doesn't get on my case anymore, taking the stance that I am now watching what I should not be doing in life.
A little trust goes a long way in my freedom of expression and thought, it seems; and for that trust is what value the most. When I was younger and friends ask me out and the night seems to start to head to the clubs, for instance, I usually find no problem in heading off home because I can imagine the devastation on my dad's face should it come to his knowlegde that I go to such places. Nowadays I understand a bit more of the underlying reasons why such a lifestyle shouldn't be lived, so my saying 'No' is more of my own prerogative. Yes, I seem uncool; and yes, I don't get to meet as many people or hook up with members of the opposite sex - I used to be frustrated by all that but come to think of it, do I want to spend the rest of my life married to a man I find in such places?
Oh, and last night, I watched the cheesefest that is the Eurovision Song Contest ; where cheesy artists sing even cheesier songs, accompanied with sardonic remarks in English by Terry Wogan. The only reason I did was to see if lesbian wannabes TATU would do something outrageous on stage; sadly holding hands was as outrageous as it got. I expected a bit more to liven up my Saturday night, but it was not to be. Finally fell asleep watching Have I Got News for You and was only awoken by the alarm clock for Subuh - it's been quite a while since sleep came that easy, and while it can only be appreciated in retrospect, it's good to know I still can.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/23/2003 05:19:06 PM
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"During an address from the aircraft carrier, the USS Lincoln, President Bush declared the war in Iraq a success saying no terrorist network will gain weapons of mass destruction from the Iraqi regime because it turns out they didn't have any." -Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update 
On another level, I am also aware that the US and Israeli governments in general are making light of the whole matter in a sense that they know they have the power and the ability to ignore such bombings. The Israeli army have used violence against Palestinians since forever; their government aren't committed to the so called Road Map to Peace in the Middle East; maybe only with such bombings will they stand up and listen. It's a long shot - but it seems whatever terrorism network that is at play right now, it seems they are experimenting with how far they can push things. Will the leaders listen? Chances are they won't, because government leaders are a protected lot with bodyguards, and it's the average Joe on the street that gets their life snuffed out of them by a random car bomb or suicide bomber - about whom they could care less.
So on a personal level, yes, I'm quite scared. There is fear that somehow stops me from walking down the High Street without being apprehensive and tentative. I mean, these bombs will go off not where the leaders are, but where you and me tread. Cafes, community centres. Maybe night clubs - I'm not too worried about that because I don't go to such places. But cafes or shops - I do frequent.
And then there are the aeroplanes. I want to be able to go home at some point in the near future without worrying for 12 hours that a bomb might go off or that there'd be hijackers on board. I am unstable as it is; I don't need more reasons to be sedated, thank you very much. What do I do? Send an email to the alleged bombers and ask them to spare the flight I'm on?
Because these bombs don't choose who they kill; and neither do these bombers. They don't do a scan of the area to see if there are sisters or brothers there and not detonate if we are. If it goes off, it goes off. I could be in Sainsbury's doing my weekly shopping for all I care; given that Sainsbury's has Jewish connections - but there aren't any supermarkets in the UK without an American or Jewish connection, are there? Should I just stay in my room and do nothing, then? Twiddle my fingers and hope groceries shop themselves?
So the only way to turn in times like this is upwards - the Lord. What I can do is pray for my safety; pray for my wellbeing; and pray for peace. Because at the end of the day life and death is in His hands and His hands alone - not terrorists, not suicide bombers, not stupid American foreign policies.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/21/2003 10:22:04 PM
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"There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start." -Charles Baudelaire, Intimate Journals 
Why is my judgment somewhat coloured, in this instance? It was after reading this article, and watching its corresponding tv special report. [You might as well read it first, or else what I have to say bears no relevance]. To summarise, the BBC argues that they have evidence of the over-dramatisation of the rescue of Private Lynch: that her wounds were non-existent, that sufficient care was being given to her by the doctors, and the so-called Iraqi guards had long gone. In fact, argue the BBC, her doctors had sent her in an ambulance to the nearest American checkpoint; only to be greeted with bullets, requiring them to turn back.
Of course, the Pentagon deny all this. They'd have to really - keeping silent would have meant some form of admittance that what the BBC said was the truth. Whom do I believe? I tend to side a bit with the BBC, because first of all they've got quite a good set of evidence, and the fact that the American soldiers attacked the oncoming ambulance seemed characteristic of the friendly fire antics of their troops. What's more, apart from the denial, there hasn't been much else said. No counterattack, no libel suit for damage of reputation, no retaliations of the Michael Jackson post-Martin Bashir variety.
But that is actually not the point. My point is how, in the world of the 21st century as it is, the phrase 'knowledge economy' takes a new spin. The common uptake of the whole knowledge economy concept is that in order to advance, we need to have a strong hold on 'knowledge' as it is now the catalyst that creates value and wealth. The Malaysian reaction to this is to create what is defined as a 'knowledgeable workforce' - people with adequate information technology skills, for example - for information technology is commonly seen as the driving force behind this new economy. In our efforts to become a major player in the world today and the foreseeable future, we send our people, young and old, to be trained in the technology which we have to master in order to control our own economic destiny.
That, I fear, is insufficient. Because who really wins are not the people who are best and adept with the technology, but the people who control the knowledge. What is the one thing that almost every household in the developed and developing nations have? Among other things, a television. It is not enough for us to be able to own a television set, know how to operate it, how to get information from the interactive channels and so on. We need to be able to have some form of control of the medium that is being disseminated to us via our television sets. And I don't mean censorship, because censorship just creates ignorance, and ignorance is no longer bliss, but now spells one's demise.
We can't just rely on other people to supply the information for us to digest; believing or not believing at our own free will. We need to be able to create and disseminate such information as well. Or else, people will propogate their own agenda via the mass media - case in point : the American uptake on the whole Jessica Lynch issue. What if no one countered what the American media claimed? Everyone around the world would believe that she was being held, uncared for by the Iraqis despite her wounds. Her parents certainly did, for one, until she made it home. Isn't it just convenient for the Americans that "doctors now say Jessica Lynch has no recollection of the whole episode and probably never will"?
Now that the BBC has put forth their viewpoint, at least we now have two different perspectives from which we can look at things, giving us a choice of which we want to believe, instead of having just one party forcing what they want us to believe down our throats.
Taking the Muslim struggle perspective, this is what we need a foothold on - the mass media. Al-Jazeera is a good start, but it can't stop there. We've got to be able to have a say in the newspapers, the publications; we should be able to present our views with the same clout as everyone else. It's up to the world to judge and to believe - at least we have put our case forward. And yet, how many practising Muslims - people who keep to the five pillars of Islam and refrain from drinking and casual sex, as a minimum - are in any position to make a statement of authority these days? The only coverage we seem to get are of fundamentalists - which all Muslims argue are the minority. So where are the majority then? Too scared to be associated with Islam? God forbid!
Practical wise, Muslim governments like the one Malaysia professes to be should invest more in the arts. We see how Hollywood is conquering the minds of the youth; we debate it, we denounce it - but what are we doing to make sure Malaysia has the next Steven Spielberg? Yes, we are striving to have the next Nobel Prize winner; but who has more clout when it comes to reaching the masses? Spielberg or Brenner, Horvitz and Sulston [these three being the Nobel Prize Winners for Physiology and Medicine in 2002]. You want to make a difference? Make a movie that showcases the moderate side of Muslim life; how practising Muslims live like normal people too and do not spend their Fridays plotting on the next location to bomb. Not saying that medicine or the sciences isn't important; just saying that the arts and the sciences equally are in their own ways, serving different purposes.
To close off my arguments for today - let's look at Measat. The Malaysian satellite. We now have the technology up in the sky, giving us, among other things, satellite tv. But how many of the 30 odd channels on Astro do we control? And of that, how many are of the educational or informational variety? And how many scholarships or financial assistance are being bandied about to help us develop the content of what is shown - the mass media - as opposed to the aid given to the parties that do things that ensure Measat was actually launched?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/19/2003 06:15:30 PM
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BODY:
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." -Albert Einstein 
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/18/2003 12:04:10 PM
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BODY:
"Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears." -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 
We had a Qasidah and Marhaban to mark the Maulidurrasul; it would have been better for me if I understood what was being read, of course, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. In fact, for the first time I actually regretted succumbing to my anger and effectively ignored the Arabic lessons back at school. [For once, the anger was not directed at my dad, but at the ustazah who from day 1 chose to single me out as the poster child for all things screwed up and unhinged. I never had a chance.] The session was led by Ustaz Muhd Afifi who is based at the Oxford Centre for Islamic Studies.
He led a brief discussion of the history behind the Qasidah we were reading that day, and his point about the Islamic scholars of the yesteryears struck a chord with me. Islamic scholars of yesterday were not only well versed in the matters of Islamic thought and theology, but also secular disciplines like mathematics and the sciences. I am striving to be an expert in matters of corporate governance - but will I ever achieve the same level of perception and scholarliness in Islamic-related areas? Maybe not in this lifetime.
Or maybe perhaps, it is possible, but it would take a whole shift in the paradigms of life that I am living right now. Would I be ready to make such a sacrifice? I can't say that I am. Entrenchment is very much a debilitating affliction.
But the Ustaz's discussion has renewed my interest in Islamic history. Had I not been constricted within the confines of getting a scholarship for my tertiary education, it could have been Islamic history and political science that I may have studied. But I was too focused on going abroad, going overseas to 'find myself', so to speak, and so here we are today. Perhaps I should start investing in a nice reading chair and start borrowing books from the library.
My only regret is that the bulk of the Islamic history books I have found aren't written by Muslims. Have we no sense of history, or are we just too focused on making a difference in the future by ignoring the lessons of our past? [Or perhaps we just have an Islamophobic librarian?]
On a personal note, my dad - who now seems to want to marry me off, according to my sister - has slapped another travel restriction in light of the bombings that are abound as of late. No Manchester, No London for now, he says. It may seem stupid to some that I still listen to my dad at the ripe old age of 25, but he is my dad, and he will always be the only father I have. It can't hurt to give him some peace of mind, even across all the miles.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/16/2003 11:38:51 PM
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Am I making something worthwhile out of this place? Azure Ray: Displaced 
Exams, or rather, the abundance of it for the school-going population, seems to be one of the recent sources of current British public outrage. It seems that our colonial masters have decided to follow in our footsteps after all. Not enough with the proposed tolled motorway section of the M6, they too are wanting to a piece of the education pie. After all, if Malaysia can do it, Britain pun boleh!
Let's do a quick bit of maths here. How many exams do we, as Malaysians, sit over our school years? Given that we are examined on any imaginable thing from the very day we start schooling, that's 11 years of school up to SPM level. Every year we sit at least 2 exams - mid years and finals. So that makes 22 exam sessions. Let's say that between Standard 1 - 3, only four subjects really matter : Malay, English, Maths and Agama / Moral. That makes 6 sessions x 4 key papers, so 24. Standards 4 - 6: Malay, English, Maths, Agama/Moral, Sains and Kajian Tempatan. Again, 6 sessions, multiplied by 6 papers, so 36. 36 + 24=60.
And then secondary school happens. Forms 1 - 3; 8 subjects. 8 x 2 x 3 = 48. Forms 4 & 5: 9 papers, as an average figure. 9 x 2 x 2 = 36. Add another 8 and 9 for the PMR and SPM trial exams. What are we looking at here? 60 + 48 + 36 + 17 = 161. And that's just formal exams. Not including any form of monthly tests, gerak gempur sessions, tuition-centre exams, the lot. Man, the Brits pale in comparison. We are hardened veterans at this exam taking business.
Which is probably why when it comes to critical thinking, per se, we don't manage quite as well. Why bother knowing why expenses go on the debit side in the accounts and revenues on the credit side, when you can just memorise the whole frigging format for the exam? Why bother evaluating if anything makes any sense, when pure regurgitation of the textbook page 254 will give me 10 marks out of 10?
Wouldn't it be great if life was a multiple choice question test? What do I say to this marriage proposal? A)Yes B)No C) I Need Time. One chance out of three to guess the right answer. So we then know that at least 1/3 of the world's population are happily married, while 2/3 made a mistake.
It is such an exam culture that many well meaning Brits are trying to stop from pervading into their psyche. They know they don't need quizzes and tests to tell people or to prove to others that they are a learned lot. Sadly, more learned that we all Malaysians are, even with our hundreds of exams. Because all they need is the ability to read.
The average post office worker can debate with you on the merits of the Euro just as well the next economics professor. This is a statement of fact from personal observation and experience, not a mere piece of speculation. They have a knowledge culture, a reading culture - something we've been trying to instill among our people with limited success. Have we got more Malaysians reading? Yes. The problem is what we read. Somehow, I think issues of Mangga and Hai won't get us very far in the knowledge stakes.
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Stressed over the exams? The good people over at Lancaster University Student Support are concerned. They've got tips to help you get through these turbulent times.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/16/2003 10:38:37 AM
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And I am...
Why blog?
No seriously, what really motivates people like you and me to actually have a blog and operationalise it?
Because having a blog is pretty serious business, as I found out. I guess it depends too on what kind of blogs people have - some of us treat our blogs as a diary, chronicling our trials and tribulations and everyday life. Some blogs showcase a repertoir of the artist's talents - prose, poety, photography, art. Others tend to lean towards social commentary; writing on what they observe and what they feel about certain issues. And then there are those that are a mix of everything.
I've found that blogs are quite an interesting way for me to get my opinions across. And yes, I seem to have an opinion about everything. It's also a good outlet for me when I need to vent; although I must admit there are things that even I keep off my blog - things that strictly go into an offline journal, if you will.
There is also a certain amount of responsibility that comes into blogging, especially when you are putting out information. I always do a bit of research before I put down 
statements of facts; because I don't want to mislead whoever it is that reads these entries. Blogging is almost like what it was when I was doing a bit of journalism on the sly when I was an undergraduate - granted with blogging I get more leeway about what I get to write, but either way l feel I have a responsibility of getting my facts right.
It's easy for us to to think we can spew almost anything because it's our blog and we can do whatever we want; but the Internet is home to information. And it is virtually accessible by everybody, so sometimes we've got the make sure we know what we're saying. I have yet to hear about a libel suit against a blogger, but I'll leave it to the Americans to sort that one out.
I find it somewhat beneficial and credible if you try to gain a reputation of being an informed or at least well researched blogger rather than just spewing rhetoric, especially when it is social issues or current affairs that we are talking about. I don't rate random conspiracy theories, blind hatred or emotional outbursts, especially when responding to a current issue, very highly, I guess. Conspiracy theories, blind hatred and emotional outbursts that come out of life as you are living it, however, makes intriguing reading..
And the exposure is good. I kind of enjoy it when people read the stuff I write and say something about it. Perhaps that's the exhibitionistic streak in me; needing to be visible and all that - why else would I have done part time work as a journalist if not for the thrill of seeing your byline in print - [yes, that is just the least of my personality disorders] - but it opens up new avenues to discussions and what not as well. And you make friends too.
Blogs also tend to show a person in a different light - sometimes it could make one out as being serious or fickle or opinionated or blase; where as in real life most of us bloggers are 'human', really.. to borrow a phrase from someone I know. It's also interesting to see how people think, as opposed to their outward persona - and I think to a certain extent, at least as far as the blogger allows, blogs allow such an insight. So if you've got a friend with a blog, give it a read. You may just be surprised to see how different they seem to come accross as.
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Just got back from Manchester. Interesting paper, too knackered to do much now. Will have to start heading back, have a meal and rest. Tomorrow is another long day! Urghh I hate Thursdays.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/14/2003 08:57:01 AM
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"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance." -Oscar Wilde 
Pity it is still all in my head and not on paper.. heheh.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/13/2003 02:44:13 PM
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BODY:
"In the fields of observation chance favors only the prepared mind." -Louis Pasteur 
So I only realised the wallet was gone some time this morning, when I was going to the office and was figuring out where I left it last night. And, as my morning chat friend can attest, I was a bit too calm. Sort of didn't quite care about it at all. Could I be more placid? Could I be more screwed, more like it.
Have I found it? Yeah. Someone found it, rather, and handed it to the Graduate College porter. Someone called Amina found it - thanks, Amina, not that you'd ever read this, but the wallet was intact, all in one piece and not a cent was missing. Not that I cared, even if it was.
I need to get my brain sorted out. I need to get myself sorted out. I really do think I need a break. Wish I could afford it, though, financially but more importantly, professionally.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/12/2003 02:18:31 PM
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Don't try to fix me.. I'm not Broken - Hello: Evanescence 
How did the deal come about? Well, Proton has an ongoing venture with Lotus and they have a plant in Norfolk, where Norwich City FC is based. The deal is actually a joint sponsorship between Proton and Lotus; the latter having its emblem on the away shirt.
Norwich City's colours are green and yellow - not that different from Kedah, I presume - and that is to be the colour of the home shirt. They are now midtable in Division 1, but have had an illustrious past. They were in the 20 that made up the inaugural Premiership sides in 1992/93, and were one of the challengers to the first Premiership title before slumping into 3rd place that season - a UEFA cup nonetheless. For the record - Aston Villa were runners up and Arsenal were tenth. 
In the UEFA Cup the following season, Norwich City did what no other English team had managed to do up to then - beat Bayern Munich in the Olympic Stadium. This was the club's pinnacle point in their recent history - they were relegated at the end of the 95/96 season and have been in Division 1 since.
The shirts aren't on sale yet; I suspect they will be in the close season, and I may just be tempted to grab a pair for the sheer value of having the Malaysian car emblem on the shirt. Who knows, it may never happen again. My only regret is that I wish it was the old emblem - somewhat more Islamic that the tiger.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/6/2003 10:36:41 PM
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"Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them." -Ann Landers 
letters in his name spell?] just can't seem to concede that as far as consistency and the league is concerned, his team are second best. Adamant that Arsenal are still THE team in England, he is oblivious to the fact that the only competition this season in which United finished behind them was in the FA Cup - United have done far much better in the League, Worthington Cup and Champions League.
Playing the if game clearly doesn't help - if we didn't have so many players injured, if Viera was fit, if Campbell was not suspended; perhaps if West Bromwich Albion or Sunderland had more money, they wouldn't be relegated. Part of me believes that Wenger knows his team is second best and below par as of late; it is only his ego that does not allow him to concede. Instead he is more willing to be ridiculed by peers and fans alike. Pride - it sure does make you do funny things.
I watched the second half of the Arsenal vs Leeds game; it was a fairly matched game with both teams having patches having inspired bursts of impressive attacking. In the end it was Leeds who scored the most goals as the Arsenal defence faltered in the dying minutes, perhaps somewhat overzealous in their pursuit of the winning goal. Thierry Henry did hit the post at an angle where another mere centimeter would have meant the ball would have been deflected into the net instead of out; and Mark Viduka's goal was clearly offside to my untrained eye. Having said that, I thought that that particular series of events were poetic justice ; when United played Arsenal at Highbury a few weeks ago, it was a very offside Henry goal that returned the status quo as far as the game was concerned ; had it not been for the linesman's inattention, United would have sealed the championship weeks ago.
I do not deny that Arsenal are a very good team; indeed over the past 10 years, they have been the most real and consistent threat United have had. The only other team [apart from Arsenal] who have managed to wrestle United's hold on the Premiership trophy were Blackburn Rovers in 1995 - and they have failed to scale similar heights since then. Having said that, they fell short this season - often effectively playing football for 70 of the 90 minutes.
Heads up though Arsenal fans - there is still the FA Cup for you to get beaten in. And as in football, there is always next season.
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On a shorter note, thanks for the comments about yesterday's posting. I was quite apprehensive in making the posting in fear of offending someone or over trivialising what is to me a very serious issue; but if it invited controversial comments, well it probably means someone took the time to read it, which is a good thing. I remember one of my former bosses at the NST telling me that sometimes, you write provocatively not to represent your own views, but to invite people to think beyond the square box that our education system usually puts us into. Anyway, I'm glad I decided to post in anyway.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/5/2003 06:36:34 PM
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X Men and the Muslim fight against discrimination 
I had a website, and I put my email address on it. I signed guestbooks, and I put my email address on it. I wanted jokes in my mailbox every morning, and I added my email address to countless mailing lists. Every time I signed up for anything new, I would tick all the boxes that technically allowed the providers to send me an email on any random subject underneath the big blue sky. I was naive, and now I am paying for it.
This is, of course, spam of the unwanted or unknown kind. Then there is spam from known senders. Random web hoaxes forwarded by well-meaning friends who didn't quite check the validity of what was forwarded. That I can still marginally tolerate; because there is a face to the spammer; and it isn't really a mass marketing ploy but rather just one of the methods these people keep in touch.
But I do sometimes wish people would check the contents of the emails they forward. Virus warnings, for instance, can always be substantiated with a quick search of the virus name on Symantec. Hoax stories can be double checked on Google or UrbanLegends. It's all about effort; I presume many just press the forward button and then hope for the best with the mental attitude of 'It MIGHT be true' rather than checking to make sure it really IS true. I guess the former involves less effort on the part of the sender.
Some forwarding of messages I welcome. Gentle reminders, hadiths, benefits of certain Surahs in the Quran; that I don't mind. We all need reminders, because we are humans and humans forget. [Quote from new ITV Cop Show MIT last night: Man: I'm Human, after all! Woman : I thought you were a strategically shaved monkey!]
Last but not least, an amusing anecdote I found while researching on the information as to whether [and perhaps when] Nurul Izzah Anwar will be getting married. Another person to add to the list of people who lie about who they really are. Do they think the truth will never catch up with them?
And a link to the best spam hoax of all time - the Nigerian money scam.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/3/2003 04:20:56 PM
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"The soul that is within me no man can degrade." -Frederick Douglas 
Now all we have to do win the Everton game and the title will be heading back to Old Trafford. Of course, if Leeds win at Highbury tomorrow then the wrap up is even quicker.
Am I confident? Not in the least. We've cocked this up before - losing at West Ham in 1995 on the last day of the season, giving Blackburn their solitary shot at glory thus far that year. Nothing's to say we won't do that again. Even Fergie himself was relatively subdued - no lap of honour at the last home game today, to ward off any calls of premature glory.
If we make it, they deservedly so. The team have fought well, despite criticisms, and it would be nice to see some form of reward in terms of some proper silverware for Ruud van Nistelrooy given his outstanding contribution to the team this year. If we don't, then hard luck on us - but Arsenal aren't a second rate team themselves - so better luck next year if we don't do it this year.
By the way, who else thinks Roy Carroll [as pictured above] is David Hyde Pierce's - Niles from Frasier - long lost twin?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/2/2003 07:15:45 PM
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"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." -Elbert Hubbard
Homophobia. Literally it means fear of homosexuals. Or scared of them. Put into context, it can be further defined into "hatred of homosexuality" ,"hatred of homosexuals", "fear of gays and lesbians" and "a desire or attempt to discriminate against homosexuals". So based on these loose definitions, I'm not really homophobic. Which in a way is good because I've never really considered myself as one. Although some might differ after reading this entry.
But anyway, I know of, have met, been friends with and have shared a table with more than one homosexual. There has never been any desire for me to kill them, throttle them, abuse them or do anything nasty to them in any manner. Au contraire, they are nice people who seem to have a good outlook on life and are pretty interesting conversationalists. I don't even feel physically sick when I am around them - but then again, when they are not having sex, they're pretty much the same as you and me anyway. And I've never walked into two homsexuals having sex before. [Or heterosexuals, for that matter.]
Principles wise, though, I don't agree with the whole concept. Yes, I call homosexuality a concept because I don't believe that one is 'born' gay. I don't care what the genetic studies say, there is either a Hadith or a Surah in the Quran, I can't remember which, that says children born into this world are like white sheets, upon which the parent chooses to colour it. That's good enough for me; there must have been a flaw in the study that was conducted because it is inconsistent with the Quran and Hadith. You might call it flawed logical reasoning. I call it faith.
I don't agree with homosexuality because it is forbidden in the Quran. The Quran speaks of the people of Nabi Lut a.s. in Sodom whom were punished by God for indulging in homosexuality when He had already sent Nabi Lut a.s. to guide them. The fact that homosexuality is wrong or haram in Islam is made clear by various references in the Quran itself. There are no ifs or buts or anything else. These are facts.
[80] And (remember) Lut (Lot), when he said to his people: "Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the 'Alamin (mankind and jinn)? [81] "Verily, you practice your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)." Al -A'raaf
[165] "Go you in unto the males of the 'Alamin (mankind),[166] "And leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your wives? Nay, you are a trespassing people!" As-Shua'ara
[55] "Do you practice your lusts on men instead of women? Nay, but you are a people who behave senselessly." Al-Naml
So am I homophobic? I don't hate gays, I don't want to kill them, and if one applied to work for me, I wouldn't send him away because of his or her sexual orientation; in the same way that I wouldn't send away someone whom I know has had premarital sex, because both are haram. What I would feel is utter sadness, especially if he or she was Muslim; because if you didn't have any religious denominations, you have no basis or frame of reference to guide your actions. If you are Muslim, then it is clear that this is wrong and I would feel sad because Islam is being subject to misconceptions everywhere we look and if Muslims can't embody its teachings, then what hope do we have of solidarity and strength?
If homosexuality is forbidden, then why do some of us to have 'feelings' towards those of the same sex, then? My take on it is that homosexuality is actually a test. For the people who feel that way, it is a test from Allah to see if we follow the teachings or otherwise. Like any other tests that we get from time to time, be it success or failure or an illness or good fortune or temptations. And if we rise up to the challenge, then there will be rewards. And if we fall by the sidelines, then that's the sad bit, isn't it?
Here's a link to an article that discusses homsexuality and Islam. Sorry English speakers, it's in Malay.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/1/2003 11:08:57 PM
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"The right to be heard does not autmatically include the right to be taken seriously." -Hubert Humphrey 
know. But should this be true, this is the first time a suicide bombing attack has been carried out by foreign operatives.
All I can think of to say is this - perhaps this is the Palestinian retaliation towards Israel's move to attack the family of the suicide bomber after he commits the act. Should the bombers be British or any nationality, really, the families of the bombers are relatively out of reach for the Israelis to harm. Intuitively, even if the passports are forged, at least the lives of the locals will be spared.
Of course, that is flawed logic. The Israelis will shot and kill whomever they feel like killing, suicide bomber or not. Sometimes I question the benefits of such bombings to the Palestinian cause. There must be another way for them to highlight their plight in a more forceful manner without the loss of lives and giving the Israeli some sort of excuse to do random killings. They do it anyway, I know, but why give them a reason to 'justify' their actions?
Only this morning, on BBC Breakfast, one of the anchors who was talking to an Israeli rep via video conferencing asked the question to the tune of, "Do you think your country's policy of using violence to counter violence will be any use to solve the crisis?" To which the Israeli chuckled and went on to describe that what they did were justified because what they did was different from what the Palestinians were doing. They clearly don't want peace, and are using everything the Palestinians do to fight for justice to point the finger back to the Palestinians.
Hence the relevance of tonight's quote. The world is listening to the plight of the Palestinians. But no one seems to have the balls to take them seriously.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 5/1/2003 01:39:00 PM
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"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." -Robert Frost 
Also ventured into one of the charity shops and managed to find a few football jerseys - Newcastle from last season or perhaps two [adidas] and Barcelona from way back when they wore Kappa with Guardiola written on the back [and the number 4]. I always make it a point to buy cheap football jerseys. For one, they cost some £40 in-season, and only go down as far as £20 after a new one comes out. So to me paying £2 for them is value for money; and some rare ones, which are collector's items, can be sold on Ebay. I used to go round carboot sales to find random jerseys - the nice ones I send home to my brothers and others I sell on Ebay. Perhaps it's time to start selling again.
I've also added another job to my portfolio. Printer monitor. Makes me sound like a high school kid again.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/29/2003 06:54:15 PM
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"Illegitimis non carborundum." : Don't let the bastards grind you down. - Gen. Joseph Stilwell
Let me quote a few 'severance packages' top CEOs today get when they are dismissed - yes, dismissed, not retire - from their jobs. Tony Pedder, ex-Corus CEO received £550,000. Incidentally, Corus is laying off some 1150 people today. Bob Mendelsohn, formerly of Royal Sun & Alliance, pocketed a hefty £1.44million after dragging the company down. Henry Yuen, ex-CEO of Gemstar-TV Guide International got US$22m [approximately £13.8m], plus stock options and other benefits. And if William Aldinger III, recently appointed as a member of the HSBC board, will receive free medical and dental benefits should he ever have to leave the company.
Obscene? You betcha. How could people let this happen? Well.. it's a market economy, my friends. The owners of the company are the shareholders, and for as long as the shareholders believe such severance pay deals are justified, us the poor mortals who can't even afford to own any shares can scream and shout all we want. Perhaps our efforts are better directed at dreaming of a day when we, too, may become CEOs.
But why aren't boards doing anything about it? A multitude of reasons. Cronyism, fear of the CEO, or just plain ignorance. This really is the crux of my second paper - looking at what kind of governance structures are in place that allow such obscene payouts in return for poor performance, and perhaps measures to mitigate this disturbing trend. There are quite a few other theoretical issues which I could put forth, but perhaps I should save that for my thesis.
Anyway, if you think severance packages are obscene, check out what these CEOs get paid while they're in office. Newly appointed William Aldinger III [currently my fave guy] received US$20.3m [approximately £12.75m] for leaving his previous company, albeit under less distressing circumstances - HSBC bought the company he was CEO of - and stands to gain about US$58m [£37.5m] from his appointment to HSBC's board. That's US$1m [£628,000] in annual salary, US$4m [£2.5m] in annual bonuses and various other perks and benefits in the form of stock options. How many countries' third world debt would that have written off?
American executives are generally paid more than the rest of the world. But of course they have to. They're Americans, after all, right? But UK board members often cite that they need such exorbitant packages to 'remain competitive globally'. They mean, to compete with America. French CEOs, for example, get paid much less. Let's not even start on Asian CEO's, Lee Kar Shing excluded.
Anyway, just for fun, let's have a look at how much Malaysian CEO's get paid. TNB's top paid executive Dato' Pian Sukro was paid RM358,050. Interestingly, he received no benefits in kind, where as former non-executive chairman Dato' Jamaluddin Jarjis was given RM15,722 in benefits. Must be all the helicopter flights to Muadzam Shah, then.
Telekom's Dato' Md. Khir Abdul Rahman earned RM368,350 last year. British American Tobacco, generally regarded as the company with the best corporate governance in Malaysia, paid out RM 2,087,350 to Donald Watterton. The highest paid local , Chan Choon Ngai, received RM 857,838.
Genting, while not declaring personal wealth, paid it's highest paid executive between RM 700,000 to RM 750,000. Petronas's Dato' Hassan Marican received RM 60,000 in fees - his actual salary and other benefits were not declared. Of the above, even if one earned RM300,000 - that is still a staggering RM 25,000 per month - the Prime Minister's salary.
[If you're wondering where I got all these info on Malaysian CEO's pay, it's all in their annual reports. They are available online.]
Of course, some of these CEOs earn they keep, and such pay can be considered justified to a certain extent. I'm not trying to preach some sort of socialist ideology - equal pay for all and all that. After all, they are undertaking a job that requires specialised skills, not to mention being under intense pressure every hour of the day. But when the pay goes up when performance is dipping.. well.. some questions need to be answered. If you've ever wondered why the rich get richer and the poor get nowhere, well, perhaps this might shed some light.
Anyway, I though I'd end with some interesting anecdotes. Don Carty, recently of American Airlines, doubled his own pay and that of senior executives - while asking the rest of the employees to take paycuts amounting to US$1billion [£1.6m]. But best of all - Dennis Kozlowski, formerly of Tyco. He spend company money on a $15,000 dog shaped umbrella stand, $2,200 on a gilt wastepaper basket and $3,000 on coat hangers.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/28/2003 11:08:41 PM
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"Everyone has a talent. What is rare is the courage to nurture it in solitude and to follow the talent to the dark places where it leads." -Erica Jong 
Sunday morning was mostly spent with me waking first, having breakfast, the Sunday papers and watching another DVD - A Knight's Tale. Another revision session on Forwards and Futures, and it was off to the football for me. Results went our way this weekend - Martin Keown we love you! - but I'm not celebrating yet. Better teams have failed to clear easier hurdles.
I have ended up buying two newspapers lately - both the Independent and the Guardian. The former for its post-war coverage, and the latter for its excellent articles in the supplementary sections. It isn't that expensive considering broadsheets are subsidised here at the University - 20p each - so those two newspapers cost just 8p more than a tabloid like the Mirror or the Sun.
What is obvious of Iraq post-war is that the Shia Muslims of Iraq are now taking to the town in droves, celebrating at Karbala 'in a way they were never allowed to under Saddam's regime', so described the BBC in its attempt to give the feeling that the UK really were justified in liberating Iraq - just look at the proof here. As the Iraqis relish their new found freedom of speech and demand an Islamic state, or what the Coalition refers to as a 'cleric-led state', the US recoil in horror. They don't want another Iran, but are now haunted by their own words - that the freed Iraq would have a government that was chosen by the Iraqi people.
'Not going to happen' screamed Donald Rumsfeld, as images of his pockets well laden with money from Iraqi oil slowly diminishing should Iraq be ruled by anyone other than the US appointed puppets.
'Thank you, now go home' shout the Iraqis to the Americans. 'You've gotten rid of Saddam, now get rid of yourselves and leave us to rebuild everything you've managed to destroy.'
Did the US administration really think that once they've gotten rid of Saddam - for the time being, at least - the people of Iraq would be ever so grateful that they would allow the US to streamroll their country and their lives, when it is ever apparent that there was only one thing the war was about - the oil? The Shias of Iraq are clearly not interested in secular rule, which they did live under when Saddam was in power; and now it seems the whole liberation propaganda to give Iraqis a voice has slapped Washington back in the face.
All I can say is that if the Coalition meant well, and ousting Saddam was the main agenda in the absence of the weapons of mass 
It's Saturday morning. It's the weekend, and this is the time I miss her the most. Because I used to work away from Bangi, I only came home during the weekends and this would be when we would just hang. It could be a trip to the movies, or to KLCC to waste our hard earned cash at Kinokuniya, or just going out for a meal. I enjoyed her company, so it didn't really matter what we did or where we went. We are both movie buffs and compulsive readers and football fans, so could things be more perfect?
One of our favourite things to do was the Sunday Morning Movie Run. I would get up early on Sunday morning, make sure that breakfast and the morning papers were bought, and the grocery shopping from the fresh market was done, and the menial chores around the house were also accounted for [my dad has a habit of ignoring the state of the house on all 6 other days, but suddenly gets very picky on a Sunday morning].
Then I'd pick my friend up at her house and we'd rush for the first morning movie - regardless of what it was or where. Usually it would be at Mines or Midvalley. Our motivation - easier parking. After the movie we'd have lunch and go home. Simple, almost routine. But its worthwhile because the company is always good.
Yes, dammit, I do miss her.
Why am I telling you strangers all this? Because I'd never tell her. And because she never reads my blog. You know. One of those "things I'll never say". Heh heh heh.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/25/2003 11:42:05 AM
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"Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone." -Laurence J. Peter 
This is a Sarah McLachlan song which did quite well on the adult alternative charts when it came out in the late 1990s. Significance of the song: it just reminds me that I can't save the world. That I am not Superman, and that sometimes, I have to let the people whom I care about the most learn lessons in life themselves. No good thing can come from overprotecting.
I think that's one lesson I have to make sure I take into parenthood, if and when I ever decide to take the risk of bringing offspring into this world. Sometimes we think we know best for other people, and sometimes, in all earnestness, we make decisions that we feel is best for them. Perhaps that is appropriate when they are not yet capable of making up their own minds - leaving a 6 year old to make a decision about where he is to go to school or whether he wants to go to school in the first place is obviously rather nonsensical - but I think once a child reaches puberty, there has to be a gradual process of letting go.
Choices such as where they think they should be heading post-high school, or the career path they would like to take. Granted, most teenagers harbour dreams of being a famous rock singer or movie star at that age; and if that's what the say they want to be, perhaps one could play the role of enlightening them about what the future really is about. But if that's where their talent lies, why should they be stopped?I personally wouldn't encourage my kids into that line because of the lack of Islamic values such a career holds, but if the arts is where their hearts are to be, surely there would be related careers that could allow them to be fulfilled and at the same time, not cross the religious boundaries of acceptable behaviour.
I guess the point I am trying to make is that instead of telling them where to go to college or what to study or generally, how to do everything because as a parent Mak should know best, I should allow them the freedom of choice, but at the same time provide them guidance. If they ask me for advice, then give it to them; but don't push them into any direction without their consent. The worst thing a parent can do is make the child live out the parent's fallen dreams.
Every parent wants a doctor in the family, and perhaps a lawyer or two - but not every child is cut out to make forays into medicine or to take to the courtrooms. And that is what I have to remember for when I become a parent. Because sometimes out of obedience, some children will do as they are told. And nothing, really, is as miserable as doing something that you have no passion for, never mind how good you are at it.
If I really loved my child, could I put them through that? At the end of the day, even though I may have brought them into this world, they are individuals in their own right; and as much as I will want to say I know them best, it is them that come in closest contact with the inner turmoils of their own lives.
It'd be interesting to visit this posting some years on and see how good I've made on my word here.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/24/2003 11:40:21 PM
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"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." -Anon.
At least one of us have watched United play Deportivo, Bayer Leverkusen, Sunderland [Premiership], West Ham [FA Cup] and now Real Madrid. The Sunderland game was the best one - we were 1-0 down for most of the game, and then pipped the Black Cats at the end to win 2-1. Khalid, who was our 'rep' at that game, literally had his heart in his throat during the dying minutes of the game.
Which really can only mean one thing - Man Utd have got to start giving us season tickets. At least that will mean United will win all their home games. We can then leave the away games to fate, so as not to be too obvious.
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I'll probably be targeted for a lot of abuse after the result. Just check out the tagboard. I think it comes part and parcel with being a United fan. There seems to be some sort of underlying jealousy - statements such as 'I hate United because they are "too rich", "too commercialised" or, for those without anything else to say, "too arrogant"' are often thrown in my general direction.
I used to jump to United's defence when I was relatively younger, mainly because there are clubs which are richer - just look at the amount of money Real Madrid are throwing around - ; clubs which are just as commercialised, and as for arrogance - well, to me, it's more in the person than the club. But then again, it's the general British mentality, always wanting to take someone down a peg or two rather than rejoice at the success.
Nowadays I just tend to shut up when I get provoked. For one, most people who do the provoking don't want to look at the facts I present in defence, as they are more interested in getting me riled up more than anything else.However hard the facts are set in concrete, it doesn't hold an ounce of water with them. 
But for the most part, I feel no desire to argue. I don't know if I've lost the passion; although judging by the extent of shouting, jumping up and down, fist-clenching and 'come-on' cries I managed to exhibit, even in public while watching a game, I doubt an ounce of passion has left me all these 17 years.
Perhaps what I have lost the drive to do is to 'hate' other clubs in the same way I used to do. When I was still at high school, a United win did not mean as much if it was not coupled with a Liverpool loss. While Arsenal are now United's archenemy in terms of success, I've always viewed Liverpool as the bigger threat. Nowadays, I'm not bothered as much. If we win, then good for us. If we lose, well, hard luck. I've resigned now to the sad, mature status of being a football fan first, and a club fan second.
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Had a short conversation with our porter on duty today.His brother in law is Gerry Francis! He of England captaincy,and formerly Spurs, QPR and Bristol manager. Note to self - will need to make friends with said porter. His brother in law may even know Bryan Robson!!!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/23/2003 03:37:32 PM
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"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke 
Basically I've got 5 categories: EM for Earnings Management, EC for Executive Compensation, BOD for Boards of Directors, CG for general Corporate Governance papers which do not fit into the prior three categories, and GEN for General papers of a non-corporate governance nature. All of the journal articles will be grouped in one of the five categories; they will then be entered into Endnote, and in order of entry, will be assigned a number. So the first paper I've entered , an Earnings Management paper, will have the code EM1; the second one, a general Corporate Governance paper, is coded as CG-2, and so on.
They will then be stored in my still-empty filing cabinet in numerical order. Perhaps when I'm richer I'll buy lever-arch files and keep them in there. The numbers will help me trace the paper to its location in the Endnote database [and it's physical storage location in my filing cabinet]. The codes will tell me what type of paper it is.
I think that's it. Simple enough even for ME to remember.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/22/2003 08:56:10 PM
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"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." -Albert Einstein 
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/22/2003 02:44:44 PM
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BODY:
As a young girl growing up in Durham, I often joined the boys at the housing area where we lived for a game of football. The sport even filtered into my school life, with me playing football at playtime and also during games, when I could run away from the netball that girls were supposed to be playing.
Not only did I stand out as an Asian girl at the school, I was a football-playing Asian girl. And in 1985, there weren't even many football playing British girls, never mind Asian, at our school. And at the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I was actually pretty good. If girls were allowed on the school team, I would've probably made it.
Anyway, 'basket lifting' aside, my dad wasn't too happy with my forays into the 'male' sport, and thus banned me - yes, literally banned me - from playing any more football. I still used to sneak a game or two here and there when I thought no one was looking, but with the world's best tattletale as my younger sister, I got into trouble once too often and finally just stopped playing. Problem was, I loved the game immensely, and would, more often than not, look forlornly from the sidelines as my younger sister kept half an eye on me just in case I DID play, so that there was something she could tell my parents later on.
As a teenager growing up at boarding school, I was the outcast more often than not because I had differing interests from other teenage girls. Having grown up in a household where there wasn't even a radio - my mum and dad weren't big on music - I had no idea who New Kids on the Block were or Take That were or who Tommy bloody Page was. Sports, though, I did know a lot about - so while my other formmates were cheering on Joey MacIntrye and what's-his-name Wahlberg, I was more keen on Lothar Matthaeus and Bryan Robson. I did, later on, manage to pick up a musical taste - albeit not of the popular culture genre, but I did catch up - and at the end of my fifth year there, I was as fixated on Jon Bon Jovi as I was on Ryan Giggs. 
I did lean towards normalcy during my university years, to a certain extent. But post-bachelor's degree, I took an alternative track to a good life, going down the education way and earning my Masters degree [and subsequently am now studying for my doctorate] instead of ass-kissing my way up the corporate ladder. The latter wasn't really my forte - I am not very much a people person and if I have to impress, I do it badly by trying too hard.
So at this conjecture in life, I'm pretty used to being quite different from the crowd in general. Not that it is a bad thing, I hear you say, and I guess that's true. People today applaud those who dare to be different. Even Bill Gates once said, don't make fun of the geeks, because chances are one day you'll end up working for one. But society in general still put people in boxes, and for the average traditionalist, not confirming to the boundaries that make up the box is still pretty much a talking issue. The difference is, people do it behind closed doors now rather than take it out onto the streets, because it isn't politically correct to do that.
There are a couple of songs that have caught the public eye earlier this year because of the video clip accompanying the song. One is 'All the things she said' by T.A.T.U and the other is 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera. A video clip is really nothing more than a marketing tool for the song; to ensure the success of a song, the video clip gets more and more outrageous. Remember Robbie Williams' flesh throwing Rock DJ video? You know what I mean.
But the message of these songs that was being carried across was that of acceptance. Asking people in general to learn to accept others for what or who they are, and judging them beyond what is visually apparent. Most people are not what they seem on the outside. The ever-smiling one can turn out to be an irritating people pleaser, and the dour one can turn out to be your most dependable mate. Of course, the T.A.T.U song was pleading for people to understand them as lesbians, which is a different story altogether in that context because even I can't agree to that. I draw the line at acceptance when the line breaches the rules of Islamic conduct, and homosexuality sure is a breach. But I'm getting more at the underlying context of the song.
Most of you may have heard of, or even watched the British movie 'Bend it like Beckham'; a story about an Indian girl who was exceptionally good at football, but met with strong resistance from her family when she wanted to further her interest in the game by taking it to a higher level. Another example of how culture stereotypes people into roles that they are not willing to play. Popular arguments against girls or women playing football is that it's a rough, dangerous man's game.
Having played football, basketball and hockey, I maintain that hockey is the rougher, more dangerous one. Contrast being kicked in the face with a leather ball to being hit with a hard plastic one. One would leave you seeing stars, the other with at least a broken nose. And being kicked in the shins does not hurt half as much as being whacked with a wooden stick. And you have as much of a chance of being elbowed or poked in the eye playing basketball as you do playing football.
Only you don't hear much resistance from parents if their daughter is playing hockey or basketball as you would if she was playing football. Fact is, I think men secretly know that women can be very good at the game, and there is a massive conspiracy not to let women play, for fear that they will lose their edge in the sport.
At the end of the day, though, I haven't got much to complain about being different, or being subject to some abuse due to stereotyping. It makes it easier for me to appreciate and celebrate the differences in other people. I may not agree with it, but at least I will respect them for being who they are, and in return my greatest gratitude would be if they could give me the same due respect.
Being someone on the outside looking in, I've always managed to pick friends who share the same characteristics. Ironically, my only constant sin is sometimes trying too hard to get them to think the way I do. Perhaps it is the inner me that is always looking for an avenue to be heard, and because no one else will, I overimpose myself on the people whom I chose to be my friends because they were different in the first place. When I realise that I am doing that, I stop myself and remember, we are all different, and I could and should never do unto others what I have spent all my life fighting against.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/20/2003 01:27:31 PM
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Minor changes
I've taken down the flooble chatboard and added a tag-board instead. Flooble seems quite unreliable as of late. We'll see how the tag board fares.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/19/2003 04:12:07 PM
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BODY:
"The fastest way to succeed is to look as if you're playing by somebody else's rules, while quietly playing by your own." -Michael Konda
Finally managed to wrap up the report and sent it off to Peter - a good 24 hours later than I intended, if you don't mind me saying myself. A personal disappointment.
Anyway. About the war that was. Baghdad has fallen, together with the statue that was made the symbol of Saddam's reign. But two questions remain unanswered:
1. Where are the weapons of mass destruction that so became the reason for the war?
2. Where is Saddam?
Conspiracy theories are abound.
RE: Weapons of mass destruction
Were there, or were there not weapons of mass destruction in the first place? The search that the troops have undertaken over the course of the war has yielded nothing. Zilch. Nada. If the UN reports are to be believed, then there shouldn't be any weapons in the first place. But US defied all the evidence for gut feel - we feel that they have weapons and as such, we will attack.
The point seems moot, really. Were they there or weren't there, the damage has been done. The bombs have been dropped, the civilians have been killed, the treasures have been vandaliased and lost. There is no turning back, really.
The coalition forces need some form of chemical weapons to be found. It would justify the cause they championed, and to a certain extent, I wouldn't put it past them to 'fabricate' or 'plant' chemical weapons just to say they were there. A lot of political mileage hinges on these weapons of mass destruction, for both Blair and Bush. If you were to monitor the coverage of the media over the duration of the war, you could see how as the lower the probability there was for the weapons to be found, the more the shift was towards 'liberalisation' and 'freedom of the Iraqis'. How the Iraqis love being liberated. 
Already we are seeing the media diverge its focus from these weapons - no one, bar a few, is talking about it. Deliberate? Go figure.
RE: Where is Saddam?
Where is he indeed. Visuals on Abu Dhabi TV shown yesterday depicted Saddam still being in the country [Iraq, that is] on the day his statue was felled. Is he in Russia?
Can we buy that theory - that the CIA 'saved' Saddam smuggled him out? To a certain extent, there is an absurdness beyond belief. The whole war and the whole bombing exercise were targeted at ensuring the man perished - why would the US help him out of the country? To another extent, there is a possibility. Think about it - Osama and Saddam are both worth more to the US alive than dead. If Saddam is dead, then there are no reasons for them to make more forays into the Middle East. By keeping him alive, they can justify further bombings of, say, Syria or Iran or Palestine by saying that there were sightings of him there.
Nonsensical? I don't think so.. not for a country who bombed another country because of invisible weapons.
Bottom line, at least for me, is : how good a leader is Saddam Hussein? If he is indeed alive and well, it is despicable that he has left his people to suffer, to die, even at the hands of this war. If he has ran away from the country, more despicable still. Maybe I am jumping the gun, but if he had an ounce of integrity within him as a leader, he would have gone down with his people rather than run away. Because by running away, he is no different from the remote-control warlords like Bush, Blair and co; directing the war from thousands of miles away in the sanctity of their well-sheltered homes.
Perhaps he has another plan cooking. One that would guarantee victory. Using his 
Entah apa la yang aku tulis. Main tulis ajer. Pastu tekan post & publish.
Had a meeting with my supervisor Peter on Tuesday, as I noted earlier. The output of the meeting was good. I aired to him my concern on the first paper I was working on and how it was dependent on a methodology developed during a study someone else was still working on. Basically, there was potential that if that paper blows, mine will too. So we were discussing alternative methods of getting round our dependence on that methodology.
He also suggested that I perhaps start looking at the literature for my second paper, which is based on executive compensation. I am admittedly more comfortable with this topic, having had it as part of my masters dissertation. At least there will not be a frantic search for articles to do my literature review on - I've got the biblio ready.
But I had to open my big fat mouth and ask him about an earnings management project that he is working on, and in what way he would need my help. So he goes on and says, well, perhaps you can provide me with a summary of what you've read so far. Erk.. kaget aku kejap.. dah la dua tiga minggu ni bengong, kerja tak berapa nak jalan.. dia mintak article summary la plak dah... So I tell him that I've got most of it in written form and I need to transcribe it into Word. To which he said, okay.. I'll probably need it by Friday.
Which was fine on Tuesday, because the world didn't come crashing down just quite yet. Okay, so I'm overdramatizing the whole thing. Maybe the world didn't crash down on me. Tuesday afternoon, I was still in a good mood. I was happily traipsing down to the library with a pile of articles to polish. My thinking - if I managed to whip off 3 articles in one morning [which I did on the Monday], I could possibly finish off about 8 in two days. Which would leave me Thursday and Friday to transcribe everything and send it off to Peter. So far, so good.
Then, of course, came the phone call from 7000 miles away. Somebody screwed up. I have to be the one to help pick up the pieces. I am, without a doubt, the most indispensible person in the whole wide world. Who else gets a request for help call from 7000 miles away? And so, a whole afternoon gone, playing the samaritan. Yes, I know, if I was playing the Samaritan, why am I bitching about it in my blog? Because I did what I had to do out of obligation, out of my sense of duty and because it was the right thing to do. Was it beneficial to me? Not in the least. I lost a whole afternoon of potential work time; my good mood was blown to smithereens and any inkling of pahala that I was to get is now basically totally gone due to my incessant ranting over the whole issue. [Betul kata awak. Kita buat untuk orang apa-apa pun, apa yang kita dapat? Ada orang tolong kita bila kita dah tersepit?]
And so, the so-called balance that I have tried so damn hard to achieve this week was blown to bits. My plan - which, under any other circumstance, could be open to any impromptu changes, but had to be well-defined for just this week when I thought I was finally getting back on my feet - went off kilter.
I had planned proper sleeping hours, having proper meals at the right times, a nice, regimented work schedule - no longer possible when I had quite a bit of catching up to do. I found myself chasing the deadline - which meant excessive hours at the office, skipped meals, late nights.. the works. Not good for my 'recovery', needless to say.
Anyway. Only managed to trudge back to my room at 9pm tonight. Finally managed to wrap up part of the report. I ended up sending Peter an incomplete version of my summary..
I tried.. struggled, even, to make things work but the fact is, the hours I lost on Tuesday afternoon really did take its toll. I did not meet my deadline. My proper work is nowhere to be seen, and in light of another meeting next week, I'll be spending the weekend at the office. Which, based on prior experience, is not a good way to 'recuperate' - which is what I should leave weekends for.
Everything's fallen off the bandwagon.
And the one person responsible for this is oblivious - as oblivious as she was before, and as oblivious as she always will be about the effects and consenquences her actions have on other people.
Maybe it's not fair for me to blame anyone else for my own predicaments. At any other day, any other time, perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad. But since I've only managed to get the depressing, sinking feeling out of the way ... trying very hard to overcome the mental deficiencies so that I can function properly again... *sigh* I dunno. It was just bad timing - she wasn't aware of what I've been going through, to be fair. It was just that I couldn't afford another upset, and now that it did happen, I'm paying the price.
Oh well. Next week's another week. Here's hoping that something just might turn out all right.
Will have more thoughts about the war back in here soon enough.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/17/2003 01:45:39 PM
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BODY:
Good weather is rare to come by, especially in the far reaches of the North. And so, when you get two days of arguably excellent whether in a row, you start thinking of the logic behind being stuck in an office when there is a lot more to enjoy out there!
Today's blue Lancaster sky is the bluest I've seen it since I arrived here for the second time. There is a slight cool breeze, making the day quite tolerable compared to yesterday. Temperature wise, I think today and yesterday are comparable, but yesterday we were greeted with still air, making it ever the more dry and hot. The temperature reached 25 celcius, and that is equal to early mornings or very wet rainy days in Malaysia. But the humidity back home somehow makes it more tolerable than the still, dry air that we get here.
Having said all that, I am not complaining. It is on days like this that I enjoy Lancaster the most. Even from my office window, I can see a beautiful blend of colours.. somehow the grey, bleak mental picture of England that I always keep at the back of my mind is gone, replaced with something much more worthwhile.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/17/2003 12:17:08 AM
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BODY:
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon 
Time frame: circa1996. I was at IKATAN at this point, and while things were going smoothly on the 'professional' [read: academic] side of things, my personal life was undergoing a tumultous phase. I was still coming to terms with my relationship with my dad - one that has always been fiery but has, since then, thankfully evolved into one of mutual respect, much to the relief of my mum, who had to be the middle man on more than one occasion. I was also trying to untangle an emotional web I managed to get myself wrapped into a few years before that [an issue I have yet to achieve full closure with even after all these years, although I am admittedly getting there. Yes, I know, 10 years is a long time. And yes, I know, move on is a phrase I am quite familiar with.]
This song seemed apt at that moment because they way I interpreted it, it was talking about wanting to escape, but being unable to, and at the same time trying to maintain a normal, stoical appearance as if all was well, when just beneath the surface, there was someone reaching out and there was a lot left unsaid. Which generally described my own mental state to a T, especially if excerpts from my old journal were anything to go by.
Things have changed - most of the issues have been resolved, but whenever I feel like I'm just faking it through the day, this song is the one I play.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/15/2003 10:01:26 PM
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BODY:
"Only solitary men know the full joys of frienship. Others have their family; but to a solitary and an exile, his friends are everything." -Willa Cather, Shadows on the Rock, 1931
As I was walking home from the office at 10pm tonight, I saw a full moon in all its glory shining above me. Figures.. it could all well explain why today has been of the more madder days in this already testing month. On the one part, all seemed to go well. My meeting with Peter was very fruitful - he is indeed a good supervisor, allowing me to make my choices and listening to my feelings about the projects, but at the same time guiding me along and helping me develop my thoughts. On another level, though, a dam just burst and at unluckily, someone had to be at the receiving end when it did.
I probably won't talk too much about what really happened or what pulled the trigger. Suffice to say, sometimes even the bounds of unconditional love can be tested to its extremes. With friends, if they get on your nerves or just make you mad, you can always walk away to cool down and then deal with it [and them] later. 
Or, if the issue really transcends bounds of acceptable conduct, you can just walk away, period. With family, that is easier said than done. There are certain expected rules of conduct one must observe, even more so in if you come from an Asian background where filial duties are considered almost sanctimonious.
Perhaps the hardest thing to accept are flaws in the ones we love; and worse still, watching those flaws destroy their character without being able to do anything about it, not for apathy or for the lack of trying.
---
Seeing a report of this event brought tears to my eyes this morning. In the words of the ever-observant Robert Fisk...
"I saw the looters. One of them cursed me when I tried to reclaim a book of Islamic law from a boy of no more than 10. Amid the ashes of Iraqi history, I found a file blowing in the wind outside: pages of handwritten letters between the court of Sharif Hussein of Mecca, who started the Arab revolt against the Turks for Lawrence of Arabia, and the Ottoman rulers of Baghdad.
And the Americans did nothing. All over the filthy yard they blew, letters of recommendation to the courts of Arabia, demands for ammunition for troops, reports on the theft of camels and attacks on pilgrims, all in delicate hand-written Arabic script. I was holding in my hands the last Baghdad vestiges of Iraq's written history. But for Iraq, this is Year Zero; with the destruction of the antiquities in the Museum of Archaeology on Saturday and the burning of the National Archives and then the Koranic library, the cultural identity of Iraq is being erased. Why? Who set these fires? For what insane purpose is this heritage being destroyed?
When I caught sight of the Koranic library burning flames 100 feet high were bursting from the windows I raced to the offices of the occupying power, the US Marines' Civil Affairs Bureau. An officer shouted to a colleague that "this guy says some biblical [sic] library is on fire". I gave the map location, the precise name in Arabic and English. I said the smoke could be seen from three miles away and it would take only five minutes to drive there. Half an hour later, there wasn't an American at the scene and the flames were shooting 200 feet into the air" [more]
My eyes brimmed with tears because among what was destroyed were one of the oldest copies of the Quran. It seems that nothing is sacred anymore. Am I surprised? Not really. Did you really expect the Americans to care about heritage or history, when theirs is, at best 300 years old? Do they even understand the concept of heritage, when their frames of reference are limited to the scope of their own backyard?
Maybe you think I am biased because I am not subjecting the British soldiers to the same level of ridicule. In general, the whole Alliance is a disgrace. But today I've singled out the Americans because they are responsible for taking over Baghdad. And then denying themselves of any responsibility of the anarchy that ensued in the aftermath of their so-called liberation. Yes, liberation is about freedom, but no freedom is without bounds and limits. You promised, damn it, You promised.. that you'd preserve the heritage and culture. But then, what is the weight and the value of the promise of a hypocrite?
Even with the destruction of the most treasured Islamic resources, the joke and the farce that is the OIC remains stoically silent. A little money called 'aid' goes a long, long way in shutting the mouths of the people who matter.
---
Sometimes, when we dwell upon things that are so far away from home, things that, even at best, are totally out of our control, we forget about the simpler things that make a difference in our lives; the people who make us smile or the things that we forget to appreciate. A fellow blogger recently was hospitalised to undertake a surgical procedure. The support 'system' she has around her from her friends, some of whom she made online, gave me a warm fuzzy feeling when I was reading about it earlier today.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/14/2003 05:50:22 PM
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BODY:
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them." -Mark Twain 
tremendously from one end to the other in such a short span of time. My main suspicion is that it is related to the hours I have been putting in - about 10 hours a day on average, including weekends. And as I get mentally tired and my focus wans, I get frustrated and try to get more done, resulting in more hours put in, and lesser and lesser quality output. Vicious circle.
If this, indeed is what is ailing me, then the right thing to do would be for me to take a break. Sort of a 'time-out' from work to get my thoughts in order and my focus back in shape. In an ideal world, this break would mean just me and the people I want to be around me [obviously these people would also need to want to be around me as well, or everything will defeat the purpose], perhaps sitting on a nice beach somewhere with a stack of strictly non-academic books to read.
Failing which, a nice hotel room with satelite TV and all the episodes of Friends [or Frasier or any sitcom worth it's airtime] shown back-to-back for days on end. Or, in this mental state, just a quick trip back home to Malaysia to see my immediate family and close friends only - you know, some emotional recharging - and then perhaps take my much-missed car for a stroll around town, driving for the sake of driving.
Fact of life is that a break is not something I can afford, both financially and time-wise. So I guess it's back down to doing things that I can do given the circumstance, or, as we are in a poetic mood tonight, playing the cards with which we have been dealt. And as always, the best person to talk to is the Almighty. Having had a week's worth of 'off days', it feels good to be back communicating with Him on a regular basis again.
---
This war, this damn stupid war!
Breaking news on NST Online - Malaysian Mercy 
volunteers injured after being ambushed by Shiite militia. I am utterly speechless at this. Now that the Americans have so-called liberated Iraq, it is in a worse state than it was when there was oppressive regime rule. And now even our people, who made the trip all the way to Iraq as part of a medical relief team, have also been injured. These doctors are there to help give aid and medication - the International Red Cross are too scared to venture in, of course, even though they have better manpower.
I am at a loss for words to describe the voluntary spirit of these doctors - who embody the spirit of what doctors should be, and then some.
I am also at a loss for words to describe the irresponsibility, callousness and nonchalance exhibited by the "liberators" and "freedom-givers" of Iraq. There has been a sore lacking in any proactive action on their part - and the anarchy that is now Iraq is a testament that they really couldn't care less. The whole coup, the felling of Saddam's statue, is looking more and more like another episode of a soap opera more than anything else.
Is it so hard to maintain law and order, I wonder. Is their strength only limited to random air-raids and steamrolling in their tanks, but nothing beyond the display of armoury? Perhaps they are apprehensive that if they used their weapons to stop the looting and rioting, they may kill innocent bystanders by accident. Not that they've done any of that before with their bombs and shooting at civilians at checkpoints. The fact is, I think, once they venture from behind their tanks and armoured vehicles, the eminence of their yellowbelliness becomes more and more prominent. No heroes here - cowards at best.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/13/2003 04:08:57 PM
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BODY:
Random thoughts
I need to get my hair cut
I am too tired to face reality
My room is a mess
I am knackered
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/12/2003 08:55:44 AM
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BODY:
Full steam ahead
A full day today - with activities of a non-academic content, however. Lancaster is having its Majlis Sambutan Maal Hijrah 1424 today, coupled with an akikah for the four babies who have been born within the past year. Only made it to bed - on Zieha's floor rather than my own - at 5am this morning; up by half past seven today since there is rice to cook and last minute stuff to look into. And I am neither on the Malaysian Soc nor Kelab Umno committee.
Will probably fall asleep during the ceramah this afternoon.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/11/2003 11:52:34 AM
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BODY:
Capturing the spirit of time
Many, many people in my life have played roles in shaping it the way that it is today; and of those, many have 'left'. 'Leaving' to me isn't just about physically leaving someone or something. It's more of a function of change - where the only constant in life 'is' change.
Oh, and you have to listen to the song to do it justice. It is 'hauntingly beautiful' personified.
This one's for friends and lovers who have moved on.
"My Immortal" - Evanescence
My immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/10/2003 06:30:17 PM
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BODY:
"No one has the right to destroy another person's belief by demanding empirical evidence." - Ann Landers
Concentration isn't my strongest forte today. Totally lost. Out of sorts. Not quite the person I was on Monday.
Maybe it's the late nights. 2 nights in a row sleeping at 2am could take its toll. Yes, my all-nighters way back at STF are now a thing of the past. These days it's bed by 12am, and I only function after 7 hours of sleep, minimum. Anything less than that and any functionality is merely marginal. Perhaps a sign of old age.
Oh, to be young and hedonistic!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/9/2003 08:35:45 PM
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BODY:
And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday - Hang: matchbox twenty
It's been a while since I said anything about the war. Not because of ignorance.. far from it, because I've been a bit too glued to the whole proceedings. It was just that I thought I had said everything that I needed to say - and that there was not much of a difference that I could make, from my little corner of the world. My pleas will forever go unheeded, my arguments unheard, my sentiments unechoed by those who can make a real difference in the war. If people taking to the streets can't sway the stand, what hope have I got, spewing rhetoric on a website that can amass, at best 50 different views on a good day.
Then I wandered over to Rabiah's website this morning - and her comments on what I have been saying about the war thus far made me realise that at least one person out there who appreciates the angst and the frustration of the injustice of it all that I try to communicate via this blog. And it sort of spurred me on to say something today. What are the odds that someone who can do something about this war will even read what I write? One in a kejillion, at best. But then, this is my jihad. This is my way of showing I protest, and I disagree - I don't have means to carry weapons to fight this physical war for my Muslim brothers and sisters; but at least I have played a part in the war of opinions. Weak, at best, but at least I am trying.
Yesterday, RAF Brize Norton saw more British soldiers killed in action finally returning to their homeland for the last time. For each of those British soldiers dead, though, there are at least 33 dead Iraqi civilians, caught in the crossfire or perishing in the senseless bombings, some of which are of the American 'Ooopss, wrong target' variety. Regardless of the liberalisation propaganda and the jubilation of the Iraqis at the wrenching of power from Saddam's clutches with the capture of Baghdad, the fact is, the real casualties of war are the civilians.
And a civilian is Ali Ismaeel Abbas. He is 12 years old. He is from Iraq. His is the face that adorns the many pleas for public donations to help the Iraqi war victims. Ali's story is that a bomb fell onto his house - a poor shack, as he describes it - at midnight. He lost his mother - 5 months pregnant - father and brother to the bomb, as well as both his arms. I managed to catch a visual of him last night on the ITN news. Brave eyes, smiling face, but the unmistakeable tear rolling down his cheek. Two stubbles of what used to be his arms are bandaged, his burnt body soothed with cream.
"Can you help me get my arms back? Do you think the doctors can get me another pair of arms? I wanted to be an army officer when I grow up, but not anymore. Now I want to be a doctor, but how can I? I don't have any hands."
Ali is the poster boy. He will get the most help, because people will be touched with his plight. And yet, in Iraq, the land of prophets past, countless Alis are waking up to similar, bleak futures. A childhood snatched from them right under their noses; innocence lost within seconds; emotional wounds that will never heal to scars.
In a twisted way, helping these children will somehow make the public feel they have done something. That they have made a difference. That they have helped the humanitarian cause. What utter farce. Will money and prosthetics ever bring back Ali's parents? Will it ever give him back the life that he had? What pains me the most is that this war need not have happened. Why help Ali now, when he has virtually nothing to live for? Does this okay the war, then? Oh yes, we bombed them, but we took their injured and cared for them? Is this the military strategy that they opted for - bomb them first, and then give them tender loving care?
Okay, maybe I'm pushing it. But I have a bitter taste in my mouth. The right thing to do, of course, is to help them. But just as an aftermath? As a byproduct of the evil? Visuals of Saddam's regime's cruelties to civilians have been shown on tv, some complete with re-enactments. But when you look at these civilians - the deaths, the injuries - is that too not evil personified?
And the burning question remains: Where are these weapons of mass destruction that reputedly endanger the world so much that all these senseless deaths are justified?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/8/2003 11:02:24 AM
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BODY:
"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." -John Powell
Pass Me My Crutches - I'm Learning to Fly!
Pass me my crutches. I have decided
that this is the year
in which I shall learn
to fly.
Not because I have outfoxed the laws of gravity
which punish my flat feet for Christmas cookie excesses;
Not because the tense knot between my shoulder blades
has miraculously turned to wings;
Not even because my winning in the lottery (which I never play)
have at last enabled me to live a life of luxurious leisure.
No, I shall learn to fly because I am
otherwise ordinary. And because I am
otherwise ordinary, I shall eschew
quick silver wings and coach class comforts.
I shall throw back my head so that the wind tangles my hair.
I shall clench my jaw and let the bugs freckle my teeth.
I shall seat my goggles upon my dripping nose
and set my face toward a new horizon,
bounded not by fears and might-have-been's
but by possibilities and perhaps-could-be's.
I shall bend the bands of my past
into a springboard which propels me beyond it;
Arrange my broken bones and broken dreams into a mosaic
of rich and unexpected colors;
Breathe deeply just below the surface of the present frantic moment
where the cool scent of water runs, refreshing.
Pass me my crutches. I have decided
that this is the year
in which I shall learn
to fly.
— KN, 1994 : From the latebloomer website
A lot of issues going through my head at the moment. The most compelling of which is, I seem not to be getting any proper work done. There seems to be too many distractions, the least of which is the Internet. I've always managed to work best with minor distractions such as having a PC close by, because it gives me some light relief from the reading. There are more profound causes of my perpetual slacking off, and I don't know if I've got it in me to shrug all this off my shoulders and carry on with what I am supposed to be doing here.
First on the list is I think I am making way too much of this escape-from-Muadzam thing; relishing the freedom just a tad too much and taking quite a lot of time get my feet back on the ground. Yes, liberalisation is a good thing, but you can't run away from life altogether. And the fact of life right now is that I've got to get work done, because that is why I am here and that is why I am being paid. Perhaps the sense of relief of not having to wake up on a Monday morning to drive 210km to work is somewhat overwhelming; but it's been 6 months. Buck up!
Second on the list is the many distractions that are lying around. I went through an episode of emotional unstability recently - mainly because I wasn't happy about something and not quite sure how to tell the subject of my unhappiness to lay off me for a while. It reached a point where a small event could make or break my day. Thankfully that is sorted out in the short term - I now have to figure out how to sort things out on a longer time scale because any repeats of a similar episode could severely dent my hard-won motivation. The war is a distraction as well. I feel a lot of anger and injustice at the whole thing. But I have to learn to accept that some things really are out of my control; and that there isn't much that can be done.
Managed to speak to Ramzi about it this morning. When all else fails, you can always rely on your oldest friends to set the record straight. So yeah, dude, cheers for making me see things and for the pep talk.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/8/2003 12:19:21 AM
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BODY:
"I wish they would only take me as I am." -Vincent Van Gogh, Dear Theo: Autobiography of Vincent Van Gogh
Not an overall excellent day today. Managed to get some work done earlier in the morning and was set on tackling some articles in the afternoon. Luck had it that I didn't feel all too well come 2 o'clock and since the only way to settle things was to take a prolonged nap, I duly went back to my room and did, to the accompaniment of 'Ten Things I Hate About You' playing itself on the DVD player.
There are things that need to be said, but sometimes there aren't any ways to say it without hurting people in the process. I guess in a twisted way, this song tries to say what I want said - so if you feel as if it's talking to you, then maybe it is. Then again, maybe it isn't.
Rest Stop - Matchbox 20
Just three miles from the rest stop
And she slams on the breaks
She said I tried to be but I'm not
And could you please collect your things
I don't wanna be cold
I don't wanna be cruel
But I gotta find more
Than what's happening with you
If you'd - open up the door
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
So I thought - hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
Have you forgotten
Just three miles from the rest stop
And my mouth's too dry to rage
The light was shining from the radio
I could barely see her face
But she knew all the words that I never had said
She knew the crumpled-up promise of this
Broken down man - and as I opened up the door
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
So I thought - hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
Have you forgotten
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
So I thought - hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
While you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you're dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
So I thought - hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose all my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me?
--------
AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/6/2003 06:46:10 PM
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BODY:
Why do you come here...when you know I've got trouble enough? - Joan Armatrading: The Weakness in Me
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Or so the saying goes.
Do you choose your friends? Or does friendship choose you?
Think about the people you are closest with who are not your family. Think about your best friend, or, if like me, you don't 'do' best friends, think of the person with whom you feel most comfortable with, even when are just sitting in complete silence with each other, doing nothing.
Now think about how you two came together. Did you see that person in a crowd of many and decided - that person is the one I want to be my friend? Or was it a gradual process... learning slowly about each other and suddenly finding that in some inexplainable way, you clicked?
I guess people go through their own social processes, but for me, it has mostly been the latter. Given a certain setting or community, there just are a few people with whom I find myself most at ease with. The process is gradual. When I am in a new social setting, I will bump into the same big group of people when we socialise. And among that big group of people, there will be one or two whom I slowly learn to trust. It's more gut feel for me - I don't set out on choosing someone to be a 'buddy' beforehand, but if it happens, it happens.
What happens if I don't click with anyone? I just do without. I guess I'm more happy being the lone ranger rather than trying to create a fake familiarity with people my gut feel doesn't trust. It's happened once or twice, and thankfully I'm still here today. Although the mess that is my mental state may have to do with internalising too many conflicts because there wasn't anyone I was comfortable enough with to hash things out.
It's not like I totally just hang out with just these one or two people all the time. As much as I like company I also cherish solitude and being alone with myself. It's when I do either excessively that I feel a bit boxed in. I guess more than quite a few people would agree if I said that I am not an easy person to figure out. Yeah, you there nodding, I meant you, too. Yes, I am trying to decomplicate myself. If I say I need space, don't think it's because of you. More often than not, it'll be because of me.
Since I've been through quite a few 'social settings' in my life - from Durham to SRKBBB to STF, to IKATAN, Uniten and Lancaster [twice], it's obvious that my friends change every time. But thankfully, even though circumstances change, we still fall back onto each other for support. And over the years, the net of support has grown bigger and bigger.
Not to say that there haven't been some bad times - when my instinct gets it wrong. But the past isn't there for us to dwell on, it's there for us to learn our lessons.
Heh heh heh.. why the sudden introspective tone to my entry today? Go figure.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/5/2003 08:03:12 PM
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BODY:
Finally
Added a Links site to the 'Essentials' menu, and redid the 'Woman in the Mirror' segment. Have a peep if you've got a few spare secs.
Signing out for today.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/5/2003 07:15:08 PM
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BODY:
Officially...
Officially, I've moved into yet another new template. I've used BlueRobot's Flanking Menus as the basis, and as time goes by I'll be changing the colour scheme a bit [unless I come to a point when I think the current scheme is just nice]. If you noticed, I've also not put in the links up yet. This should go in as a separate page soon; and you should be able to find it at the Essentials section of the menus.
Other than that, Alhamdullillah.. 4 hours well wasted!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/5/2003 06:54:31 PM
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BODY:
Latest update
Managed to sort it. Had something to do with the background colour. Well sorted now. Yeay!!!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/5/2003 06:40:17 PM
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BODY:
More updates
Previous problem solved.
New problem crops up: My pictures don't appear in the content box if they are aligned "left" or "right".
Any ideas, anyone?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/5/2003 06:34:15 PM
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BODY:
Updates
I've just managed to redesign the website somewhat. Still can't get out of a minor fix - which is if I am to list multiple posts here i.e. more than 1 days worth, the CSS embeds the content within the main box, causing it to make the page crash in a way.
So if any techies can help me out with this, YM me [prof_sadin] and help a poor lost soul today..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/5/2003 03:05:04 PM
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BODY:
Mantra
Time: 1457 hours, Saturday 5th April 2003
Note to self:
I will not gloat
I will not gloat
I will not gloat
I will not gloat
I will not gloat
I will not gloat
....
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/4/2003 11:25:16 AM
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BODY:
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley
One of the many campaigns that have either taken off or relaunched actively post-war is the Boycott campaigns. Of interest are two - Boycott Corporate America campaign and Boycott Apartheid Israel campaign. I am not going to list all the products one should boycott or why you should boycott them - you can find those lists and further information on the links I've provided above. But there are two issues I would like to discuss - the effectiveness of such boycotts, and what we should strive to do beyond these boycotts.
Skeptics among you may think, what difference does it make if I don't buy a McD burger or a can of Coke or Pepsi? How much of a dent will my £1.99 or 65p hit these corporations' sales figures and earnings? Well, admittedly, boycotting is a collective thing - it's something that is better done in groups rather than all alone for maximum effectivnes. But don't think that the boycotts people have done today haven't made a difference. Check out this news piece about Pepsi's earnings. If we can do this to Pepsi, then we can do this to many, many more corporations too.
The other reason why people are generally reluctant to boycott is that they are afraid there is no alternative product that would provide them the same consumer satisfaction to which they have thus become accustomed. This is somewhat true - bar a few, almost every item that we consumers consume today are related to America or Israel in one way or another. And in the short term, there seems to be no way for us to tackle this issue.
In the long term, though, there is a potential solution. That is, if people are willing to commit to the cause. I'll take Malaysia as an example. There seems to be an extra... excessive even, emphasis on the sciences and the technological fields, both at high school and even more so at university. In the end, it is hoped that we will be able to create something that is good enough for the world market. Fair play. But except for the professional social sciences such as law and accounting, there seems to be a dearth of emphasis on the other aspects of the 'softer' sciences.
Take business studies. You don't see many universities regard marketing, human resource studies and advertising as 'critical research areas'; in most places of study, these disciplines are considered second rate - courses for students who fail to make the grade to study accounting or finance. But look at the success of Coca Cola, Kodak and Disney. What is the core of their continued existence? The brand. And it isn't the engineers or computer scientists who made these brands what they are today - they are a product of marketing and advertising. So even if we have managed to design a technological product that is world class - do we have the expertise to market it and pitch the sale? Have we invested as much in creating this great marketer as we have in creating this great product?
Let's take the arts as another example. No one will ever deny the power that is the written word. Books and good literature make their way into homes of millions; and they are a powerful way to tell a story and to push your point of view. Movies are another example - look at the movies Hollywood churn out every year, and how they make a difference in our lives and influence our views on the world, whether we realise it or not.
We think we are not able to compete with the West and its strangle hold on the mass media - I think we have not tried. And why not? Because we don't have the expertise. Why don't we have the expertise? Because it isn't a 'critical' area for the development of a nation, and so it is not endorsed. Is it not important? I beg to differ. 
Realistically speaking, if we want to be the best, we must first learn from the best, take what they know and improve it. The average Malaysian today, though, cannot afford to study abroad without some form of financial assistance, and because advances in the arts is not part of the 8th Malaysian Plan, well, there isn't a 'budget' to fund such studies.
If we can afford to send people abroad to learn how to make world class cars, then we also have to train people with the expertise to sell the cars onto the world market. If we want the world to stop and listen to our views, then we have to learn to use the right medium which they have been using for years - television, movies, books and other tools used to distribute popular culture. How can we change the way people view Islam and contradict the misleading ways it is being portrayed by Western cinema if we don't try to beat them at their own game? Do you really think movies like 'Lagi Lagi Senario' can cause a ripple effect about the way people think about Islam?
There has to be investment today to make a difference tommorow. Overemphasis on selected areas such as engineering, information technology and accounting will only lead to three things - too many engineers without a job, too many IT experts without a job and too many accountants without a job. And if you ask some of these jobless graduates if they would have done another course had there been a scholarship and a clearer career path - most would probably answer in the affirmative.
A civilisation isn't just about the bricks and the mortar. It's about the arts too. Unless, of course, we are not interested in creating a civilisation, but merely an existence that makes no mark. If we want to be able to be self-sustaining without relying on other people's products, then we have to have a balanced development of all aspects of life - because of two reasons. One, because all these elements are interrelated. And secondly, America is nothing more that a marketing plan gone right. They can be beaten, if we want to beat them.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/2/2003 11:14:59 AM
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"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." -Pam Brown
I made a long-distance phone call to Malaysia today, to a very close friend whom I haven't been in touch with for a while. She suffered a personal loss not-so-recently; and if this was a time where I was near, physically, I knew I would have been there on the scene to comfort her. But with me being here, and her having not-quite-the-right-email address; the email which she wrote to me telling me of the pain and the anguish got lost in the black hole that is cyberspace. She has since recovered; but the sense of guilt that I am feeling lingers. Not a new sentiment, for those who know me well, but still... I feel her pain because we've been through quite a bit together. InsyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki tu, ada lah rezekinya...
Student Evaluations
We got our student evaluations back yesterday - for the ACF100 tutorials. Overall I think I did quite okay. There were 16 questions, ranging from the level and quality of the tutorial questions to the tutor's presentation, to the overall quality of the tutorial itself. The top score was 5, lowest score being 1. My best mark 4.27 / 5.0, which was for the question "The tutor was willing to answer questions". Thank goodness the question did not say "The tutor answered all the questions right". And my lowest mark was 3.50 / 5.0, for the question "The tutorial questions were of an appropriate level of difficulty". Which really doesn't say much to me, because I don't choose the tutorial questions.
Of course, student evaluations have to be taken with a pinch of salt. It isn't hard to be overly popular with students if you give them exactly what they want - a copy of the final exam questions, for instance. And it isn't hard to be unpopular if you stick to your professional guns and do what is ethically right; reprimanding them for instance, for coming to tutorials unprepared, establishes your authority but could easily get you the unsavoury monikers of 'bitch' or 'cow'.
I recall a conversation with a Masters student in my flat, who expressed her dislike for a certain lecturer for whom I have the most respect for - because his exam questions are on the wrong end of the easy-hard spectrum, and that his marking is allegedly strict. Another lecturer, for whom personality is not a fetching feature, is rated highly because he gives easier exam questions.
Students, when given a choice, would always go for the paper where 'it is easier to score'; and hence, get good grades and get top honours. You'd ideally want to be in the learning game for the sake of learning; and that they would go for the tougher courses because it is worth its weight in the knowledge it gives - but perhaps that's a bit too idealistic, even for a postgraduate student like me.
I remember a friend fretting because she missed graduating with 1st Class Honours by a few marks - mainly attributable to relatively low marks in her law paper. In retrospect, she said, she should have taken a mathematical based paper like Forecasting, because that would have given her better marks since maths is a definite science - and fellow graduates who opted for that paper instead of a philosophically laden paper like law managed to get 1st Class Honours. I said to her, well, think of the knowledge she gained and how useful it would be in her life as a professional later on, as opposed to taking a maths-based paper when she was not planning to be a financial modelling analyst. To which she replied, At the end of the day, people will look at my cert and see 2nd Class Upper and they certs and see 1st Class - employers won't ask about the relevance of a forecasting or law paper; at least not in Malaysia.
I duly shut up.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 4/1/2003 08:04:52 PM
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BODY:
"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists ... in the loved one, perfection." -Sidney Poitier
Officially, it's summer. Okay, so the clocks went forward on Sunday, but I always think of summer arriving when April does. Which was quite ironic, in a sense, because today 'summer' was greeted by torrential rain, gusts of wind, dark, menacing clouds and a barrage of hailstones some time this afternoon. Aahhh.. the triviality that is British weather. 
Now that the clocks have gone forward, it seems there are more hours for me to spend at the office before it gets dark. Maghrib is at 7.30-ish and Isya' at 9-ish. The office seems to be my favourite haunt nowadays - even managed to surprise Ramzi by telling him that I spend between 8-10 hours here everyday. He seemed to recover when I said that not all hours are spent on fruitful pursuits. Some hours are spent on other matters of less PhD-like significance. Such as updating this blog.
Although, of all days since the beginning of the Easter break, I must say today has been one of the more productive days. I managed to polish off a bit of Econometrics, a chapter of the Mulford and Comiskey book on creative accounting, and tonight, before I leave for the day, I will read and analyse April Klein's paper on Earnings Management and Boards of Directors.
More on the War
All is not well for the coalition forces. On 29 March yet another British soldier was lost to 'friendly fire' when a US A-10 Thunderbolt anti-tank aircraft fired at a British light tank on a recon mission. Yesterday, the survivors of the attack spoke out of the recklessness and gung-ho attitude of the American pilot who shot them down. After the first time the tank was shot, one soldier came out and tried to signal to the aircraft, which circled and went on to attack the tank for the second time.
The survivor described the pilot of the aircraft as a 'cowboy' who had 'gone out on a jolly'. He criticised the American for having no respect for human life - because the attack was made very close to civilians. To add insult to injury, not only were the British vehicles supposed to have been spotted using a thermal device, there was a Union Jack flag flying to identify them. But then, given that some Americans think Britain is in Africa, the red, white and blue of the Union Jack may well have been mistaked for the red, white and black of the Iraqi flaq.
Which is really nothing new. Only this morning, American troops killed 7 women and children after their vehicle allegedly failed to stop at a checkpoint near Najaf, in Iraq. Over the weekend the continous bombings of market places caused even more civilian deaths - the US tried to blame it on Iraq again, but remnants of the missile indicated that it was more likely to be of American origin. Unless, of course, the Iraqis bombed their own people using missiles supplied by the US?
I try hard not to hate Americans, because the average American has done me no harm. I don't know what the term is, really.. perhaps.. a distaste for the attitude of right-wing Americans is a more appropriate description. But I keep finding that there are many reasons why I can't embrace this group of people with open arms. Is it mere coincidence that the state that have been most vocal about being pro-war is Texas - home of George Dubya, and the state that executes the most of its death row prisoners? Texans = cowboys and rednecks; hmm.. reminds me of Georgey. The most recent entry of Pronounce's weblog talks about why Americans just aren't his / her favourite people.
Mostly, thought, I feel sorry for the Americans. Because they have allegedly the most sophisticated weapons, and yet no intelligence to make us of any of them. In the words of Lance Corporal Steven Gerrard [no, not the Liverpool midfielder], "We can identify a friendly vehicle from 1,500 metres [4,921 ft]. You've got an A-10 with advanced technology and he can't use a thermal sight to identify whether a tank is a friend or foe. It's ridiculous"
They have one of the most well-trained soldiers, or so they would like to think. And yet there is a severe lacking of common sense among these troops. Shooting randomly at innocent civilians - women and children, to boot - in self defence? I'm not quite sure I can buy that, regardless of the nationality of the soldier, even Malaysian.
America is a country that is all for free speech. That is, if all is said in its favour, it seems. Pullitzer Prize winning journalist Peter Arnett was sacked because he gave an opinion on Iraqi tv that the initial US plan, in his eyes, had failed. I can see this sacking happening in many countries around the world, but in the land of the free? It doesn't seem just quite right.
I also feel sorry for the Americans because they live in perpetual fear - again as a result of their own government's policies. A senior Intel engineer has been held without charges for making a donation to the Global Relief Fund that distributes zakat to health facilities in the occupied West-Bank territories and mosques and Muslim schools in the US. Apparently the fund has al-Qaeda links - probably in the same way that Iraq, too, are supposed to have these links.
It seems that the Americans leaders justify any miscarriage of justice or liberty by saying al-Qaeda. It isn't hard for the American public to take this all in - it seems that their media is more controlled than ever. Apparently, according to a former British Commander who served in Bosnia, Bob Stewart, his friends in the US know not of the friendly fire incidents. British lives are also just as valueless as Iraqi lives, it seems.
Do your bit
Have some spare cash lying in the bank? Do your bit by donating to Islamic Relief's Iraq, Palestine, Checnya and Afghanistan funds. You can do that online.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/31/2003 08:48:50 PM
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BODY:
Nowhere near a manic Monday
A slow Monday today. Not much going on. Spent most of today catalouging and filing my journal papers. Managed to nick a few boxes off of Abang Syed; so can now put the papers into at least two categories: read and unread. I suppose tomorrow I'm going to have to categorise them into the subject areas soon as well.
Also need to get a move on with the website design project. The basic website is complete; just needs some tweaking before it can go 'on air', so to speak. Hard to get anything done since I don't have FP2000 at the office; and need some verifications before I can make some modifications. Not much else to say, really. Too 'out of it' to make any proper contributions. Tomorrow morning, perhaps.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/29/2003 06:55:56 PM
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Gadget Freak
I am, without a doubt, a gadget freak. I must have gadgets as part of my 'minimalist design' decor - half of which are virtually useless and serve no other purpose except for a twisted sense of retail therapy-related satisfaction. And so, it was to my delight that today's Independent came with a supplement that advertised 'The 50 best pocket-sized gadgets'. And out of the fifty, here are which made in onto my wanted list.
1. Olympus MJU 300 Digital Camera
Because: Digital cameras are a must. The Konica conventional camera that I have has a knack for misjudging the lighting, and thus gives me dark pictures, despite the use of the flash. I do have an SLR back home in Malaysia, but that is mostly for family use these days rather than my personal camera. And so, if I were to upgrade, it makes sense that I upgrade to a digital. This particular model has 3.2 megapixels ; just the right standard for me.
Cost: £350
Why I will never end up buying it: Because I can't afford it.
2. Gameboy Advance SP
Because: It is way better than the Gameboy Advance which I have back home in Malaysia - it has it's own backlight, for one - which allows the playing of darker-themed games - and I don't mean in concept, but in graphical and colour usage. It also folds, just like the first Nintendo Game and Watch series in the 1980's [I had a Donkey Kong one]; and it's backward compatible, meaning it can play all the previous Game Boy edition games.
Cost: £90
Why I will never end up buying it: Because at the end of the day, the only game I religiously play on these handheld consoles is Tetris. And rather than splurging and paying £90 for what will technically be my Brick Game console, I might as well buy one for £1 at our local Poundland shop.
3. Victorinox Cybertool 34.
Because: Check this: A multi-bladed pocket knife, with can openers, cork-screw, screwdriver, bit wrench, hex socket, write stripper and tweezers. Not only can I repair my computer with it, I can also work on my eyebrows. Brilliant! Men would read: macho gadget. I read: all-in-one defence system for those nights walking back from the office all alone. Imagine the damage that can be done using a corkscrew AND a penknife used at once. Future stalkers, beware!
Cost: £49.95
Why I will never end up buying it: Because I will be adding it to my birthday wishlist.
4. Sony NW-MS70 Network Walkman
Because: It is small, weighs only 54g but stores 256MB of music; approximately 11 albums worth of sound; and space for another 256MB via memory sticks. The ultimate portable music machine.
Cost: £280
Why I will never end up buying it: Because, at this point, I don't know whether it can play mp3s or not. And I don't have a very good history with small gadgets that are light and reside in pockets. The term 'toilet bowl' comes to mind. Oh, and MD players are cheaper than this.
5. Thinking Putty
Because: It looks cute. It is allegedly therapeutic. It makes no sense. It can be 'snapped, stretched and moulded'. Perfect as a stress reliever - during the three years that is my PhD, it will probably be squeezed out of proportion.
Cost: £8.95
Why I will never end up buying it: Oh I will. I so will be buying this one!
6. MP3 Key Drive
Because: It is a USB storage gadget and an MP3 player all in one. Comes in two variants - 64Mb, which can hold about one CD's worth of tracks, or 128Mb, which logically holds twice as much. And it's the size of a keychain. Cool, huh?
Cost: 64Mb: £59.99; 128Mb: £89.99
Why I will never end up buying it: Because I'll end up owning an MD player which can do all of that and more.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/29/2003 03:22:55 PM
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BODY:
How the Iraqi crisis should be settled: the musings and thoughts of an idealistic dreamer
The role of disciplining Saddam Hussein should be left to the OIC, not the US, UK or UN. Okay, so maybe the UN can play an oversight role, but really, the OIC should have more say in this. Iraq is a Muslim country, and therefore Saddam should be disciplined according to the Islamic methods of disciplining a cruel ruler [pemimpin yang zalim]. There is an argument among the Muslim community that Saddam could have committed the sins of mass destruction in the past, and now, he may have repented and therefore as Muslims, we should support the Iraqi fight against invasion and leave the judgment of Saddam's past deeds to Allah s.w.t. The thing is, if he used chemical weapons upon Iran and the Kurdish people in the 1980's, why was there no stepping in by the OIC to punish the evil deeds of this man?
Why this solution will never work: The OIC is no more than a silent organisation, with hardly any voice on the international front. What a sad situation for an organisation that calls itself the association of 56 Islamic states promoting Muslim solidarity in economic, social, and political affairs. There seems to be no solidarity for a member nation currently in anguish. The OIC goes on to describe itself as "an inter-governmental organization grouping fifty-six States. These States decided to pool their resources together, combine their efforts and speak with one voice to safeguard the interest and ensure the progress and well-being of their peoples and those of other Muslims in the world over." The only part of that they have seemed to realise is 'speak'. No action has been taken.
I find that somewhat atrocious. Among the member states are Saudi Arabia and Brunei - two of the richest nations in the world. In these days where money speaks loudest, it seems abhorrent that they, Saudi Arabia especially, have kept mostly silent about all this. Indeed where is the solidarity that they proclaim, when member nations such as Kuwait and Turkey allow US troops access to Iraq. Countries like Egypt tread on careful ground when it comes to the anti-war stance : they receive approximately US$2bn in aid from the United States annually. Indeed, it was US aid that was used to bribe Turkey into allowing the US troops to be based there - to their credit Turkey rejected this, but still allow overfly rights. In virtually any other situation, we call offering money to sway a decision bribery. Only the Americans and Israelis can get away with calling it 'aid'.
If there was true solidarity, as it should be, then Iraq should also be able to amass a coalition troop of their own - to fight against the invasion that uses the pretext of liberalisation but even an idiot knows it's about oil. But Iraq can't even gather support from its neighbours ; perhaps from the sins of the past - it waged war with Iran and then with Kuwait, both of whom with which Iraq shares borders. And while vocal condemnation can be heard loud and clear; it will not win Iraq the war. In fact, the possibility of such a coalition would not have figured into American plans; because they know it would not happen, and because financially, they have these nations under their thumbs, financially at least. Imagine the 'shock and awe' faced by the coalition troops if that did happen.
Perhaps some Muslim states argue that they cannot fight for Iraq because of the man that is Saddam Hussein; I say, help your fellow brother oust the Western invasion. Then settle the score with Saddam.
But of course, this will never happen. The only place where it does is inside my head, which is doing too much thinking anyway.
Oh, and, by the way, another British soldier killed by friendly fire. It is so common now, it shouldn't even be news, should it?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/28/2003 03:47:36 PM
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BODY:
The carnage that was...
"It was an outrage, an obscenity. The severed hand on the metal door, the swamp of blood and mud across the road, the human brains inside a garage, the incinerated, skeletal remains of an Iraqi mother and her three small children in their still-smouldering car". The words of journalist Robert Fisk, reporter for the Independent, describing the carnage that was once a busy market street in Baghdad. You can read the rest of this article here.
Reading through the newspaper today [being a traditionalist, I still buy the print version despite having everything online], some quotes from Bush and Blair tended towards the nonsensical. Today we'll have a bit of fun and browse through a few good ones.
"The Iraqi people have got to know that they will be liberated and Saddam Hussein will be removed, no matter how long it takes" - George W. Bush
Quite hard to convince the Iraqi people you have their best interests at heart when you drop random bombs on them, first denying it, then accepting categorical responsibility, and then saying the Iraqis launched the missile onto themselves. Brig. General Vince Brooks denied it was an American missile by saying that all our bombs hit their intended targets. Funny that he did not say anything about whether the market was or was not a target. If it was, well then, his words are not a lie, are they?
"It is beyond the comprehension of anyone with an ounce of humanity in their souls" - Tony Blair, describing the 'execution' of two British soldiers by Iraqis, a claim denied by the British Army. Listen to them, Mr. Blair - your troops are closer to the war than you are. I find it somewhat darkly funny that he goes on and on about the death of these two soldiers, but has not said much about the British deaths due to friendly fire - which, to me, is really a lot more painful and embarassing than being killed by the opposition. Neither has he acknowledged the deaths of the Iraqi civilians - plants from his seedlings, no less - so much as to have had journalists question - isn't a British life just as valuable as an Iraqi life, after all?
"The enemy we're fighting is different from the one we'd wargamed against" - Lt.Gen William Wallace, US Army V-Corps commander, describing the surprise his troops faced when the so-called expected Iraqi uprising did not materialise. All I can say is that someone, somewhere, came up with the idea that the Iraqi people wanted liberation, and that given their oppressive lives over the past 12 years, would greet the American and British troops with open arms. Whoever that person was managed to sell this half-baked theory to the troops and certain world leaders, legitimising an illegitimate war. And when reality struck, the troops were unprepared.
My latest DVD purchase on Ebay arrived today - A.I. starring Haley Joel Osment and Jude Law. It was never on my wishlist but the RRP on the DVD was £24.99; HMV had it on sale for £9.99 and I managed to get it on Ebay for £8.50. I now have 4 DVDs which need watching: A.I., The Negotiator [Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson], A River Runs Through It [Brad Pitt] and Grosse Pointe Blank [John Cusack and Minnie Driver]. The good thing about purchasing DVDs, videos and really, most things, in the UK is that if you decide that it's not a keeper, then there is a market to sell it off. Ebay has grown from strength to strength as the market leader in auctions, especially with the demise of Yahoo! Auctions last year.
There is also an art when Ebaying. Looking at the reputation of the seller goes without saying.
1. First of all, if you are looking to purchase a common product, i.e. something that is being sold in abundance, it may pay to add the items to your watchlist and leave it there until bidding ends. Then use the closing prices to guide you in making a bid for the product, so that you don't make an overexcessive bid. Of course, if what you are bidding for is a rare item, then you can't afford this luxury.
2. Secondly, always be aware of what the market price of the product is. Websites like Kelkoo or Dealtime can give you an indication of what the cheapest market price is for the product.
3. Thirdly, if you're really up for it, wait until the last few minutes of the auction to make a bid, and be vigilant just in case someone else employs the same tactics. If someone counterbids, then bid again - and if luck and time are on your side, you may just be able to win the auction.
4. And lastly, always look at the postage rates. Some Ebayers tend to start the bidding price at a low level, but make up for it by charging excessive postage.
OK, time for some real work now. Will be back with more anti-war rhetoric later! [You didn't really think I'd be able to go through today without yet another anti-war statement, did you?]
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/27/2003 03:49:15 PM
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BODY:
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." -William Feather
Amidst all the war talk, this blog has seen the absence of some of the personal anecdotes I put up. The war does get in the way, somewhat. I find myself turning on the television and watching the news more than any other programme. It gets more and more depressing as more and more bombs are being dropped and people killed; at the same time, in a twisted way - the viewing is more compelling than ever, and you find yourself glued despite the sombre and morose mood.
On a personal basis some other things HAVE happened this week. We returned from Warwick on the Sunday, and I spent Monday morning in the office. The weather was lovely [again] that day; so I took the afternoon off and went into town for some light retail therapy. Went out with Zieha, but found out soon enough that Helmi and Nizam, Hisham, Yani and Arshad, and Ana and Wan also had the same general idea: nice day = traipse into town. Before you are overawed though, Lancaster is a small town with city status. And I mean, small!
Tuesday morning - the plan was to go down to Manchester: me, Zieha, Mas, Ana and Wan. But the unavailability of a car at Ann Helme meant the idea needed to be revised; we ended up getting a car to Preston. The plan was - go to Preston, buy some chicken, shop a bit and come back. The car was due back at Lancaster before 3pm because Kak Eda needed it to make a trip to the railway station [or else we would have gone all the way to Manchester in the first place].
It was therefore a lucky break that we did decide to go to Preston - because the car broke down due to a hydraulic fluid leakage, which rendered it useless because the brakes were inoperable.The result: since we set out for a shopping trip, there were things that needed to be bought. Dragging plastic bags of fresh chicken, each weighing approximately a kilo each, sometimes more - we got down to some serious shopping. After scouring half of Preston for the ever elusive item Zieha was looking for, the chicken seemed to start weighing twice more than what they originally did. [It could have had something to do with the melting of some of the items which were initally frozen when we bought them.]
Why did we need massive amounts of chicken? Well, on the Wednesday we had a mini barbecue of sorts. It was mostly to celebrate the success of the netball team in Sheffield and Warwick; and to thank the people who directly supported us and helped us train. Yours truly was unceremoniously appointed the BBQ Secretariat : a one-woman team, because any delegation seemed to be delegated back to me.. hehhe.
I was banking on the good weather we were having thus far to maintain its steady presence ; and Alhamdulillah it did. It was quite foggy earlier on, but soon the day turned clear and blue skies were to be seen above Lancaster. The BBQ went along without a major hitch during the BBQ itself; although an episode involving Syed - [pictured on your left, pre-swim] -, a football and kicking resulted in a short, afternoon wade in the famous Lancaster duck pond. For Syed, that is. Not for me.
Are you busy?
When I work in my room [office], I tend to keep both my Yahoo! Messenger and MSN Messenger on. The former for people from out of Lancaster to talk to me, the latter for fellow Lancastrians. Sometimes I am pretty tied up with work; and thus I put the 'busy' sign on. Which really, really means I am busy or at the very least, very much occupied with something. It does not mean 'I am up for a chat' like many people believe - and to date has resulted in me having to entertain random people explaining to them that I REALLY am busy, and no, I am NOT up for a chat.
Of course a viable alternative would be to turn off both instant messaging systems; but I need them on because my parents and my family back home talk to me occassionally using it; and with MSN Messenger, a change in the name would be sufficient to tell the rest of the community where I am and where I can be reached if they need to. This has proven to be effective more times that not. But truly, honestly.. when the status indicates that I am busy - it does mean I would love to chat; but can't afford to at the moment. And no, no one barring my mum or my dad is important enough for me to drop whatever I am doing for idle chitchat. Genuine emergencies are, of course, an entirely different story. 
Work work work
The real crux of my PhD work is beginning. The endless literature reviews - mindless reading for hours on end, compiling the bibliography and scouring obscure journals for that seminal paper [if the paper was so seminal, how come it was published in an obscure journal? Most probably because the idea was so radical at the time that no mainstream, top journal with referees and editors well set in their ways would take a gamble on a new and innovative idea]. I'm also doing some self-study on econometrics.
It does not help that the undergraduates are on their Easter break and can afford to slack off a bit, where as for moi, this is the best time to focus on work because there are minimal distractions. I do so want to hang out and let loose; in fact it seems so easy to just let go because there isn't much to hold us back. My supervisor is pretty much lenient and he knows that during this time of literature reviews and reading, there isn't much in terms of reporting to him that needs to be done. It would be so easy to just stop working and enjoy the sunshine; sadly I've afforded all I can for that this week, what with half of Monday, all of Tuesday and 3/4 of Wednesday doing exactly just that - and while the lambs friskily skip in the fields and salute the arrival of Spring - I have to work!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/27/2003 11:41:19 AM
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BODY:
"Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes." -Robert Francis Kennedy
Last update - 24/3. Today it is already 27/3. Nothing much has changed. The war is still on. More British troops being killed by their own comrades. Even more Iraqi civilians killed by bombs.
I have never intended this website to be one that spews anti-American rhetoric. Because this website is a representation of who I am and my thoughts as a person; and in my thoughts I have never held sentiments of racism; be it towards people of colour or people of a certain race or nation. Even when it comes to the people who are Jews; I am careful to differentiate between the Zionists and the average believer in the Judaism faith.
Not all Jews are out to kill all Muslims, and vice versa, as the general sentiment suggests. I have been friends with, and have been taught by people of the Jewish tradition - and under no circumstances have I been treated any different, despite my blatant Muslim status. Not all Jews are for the use of force in settling of the Middle East conflict either - Jews against the Occupation [JATO] is one such example. Arguably one could say non-Zionist Jews are a minority - I don't however have the statistics to back that up.
It is getting harder and harder for me not to criticise and feel some animosity towards America. I don't mean this on a personal, human level.. the anger and disgust I feel is mostly directed towards the administration, the [non]leadership and their arrogance. The idea that they can get away with what they do because they are American; the feeling that what they are doing is justified and right just because they are the American government; the sentiment that they are heroes and all other people who oppose them are not worthy of their time.
If you are American and you are reading this - please don't take any of this personally. Because it isn't you I am having issues with at the moment - it is your leader. Funny, that - me, a 25 year old nobody having issues with a man who holds the most power in the world at the moment and doesn't give a toss as to who I am; but there you go.
And so, I launch into my anti-war / anti-American rhetoric once again:
* Reports indicate that the Coalition Forces' missiles hit a busy market area in Baghdad. 15 civilians were killed. Before the war, London and Washington stressed that they were not going after the civilians. This was a war against Saddam, they said - and that they came to liberate Iraq, not destroy it. Perhaps the lack of celebrations that greeted the advancement of the troops into Iraq was starting to get on their nerves; perhaps they were just plain stupid; any reason could be plausible because we don't know the reasons behind the attack. What we do know was that an area that was not a military or strategic target was bombed, and the carnage that resulted meant 15 people who were neither armed nor military, lost their lives. Another mistake to add to the list of 'bloopers' the coalition forces have managed to commit. When will they realise this is not a computer game? And how can they convince the people of Iraq they are really here to liberate, and not to kill?
* If one had fears that the whole exercise was one of American imperialism, it seems that those fears weren't as unfounded as you would have thought. While Blair wanted the UN to help rebuild Iraq, as he stated in his address to the nation at the beginning of the war, America wants its corporations in there to take charge of the so-called restructuring. American corporations - hmm.. how long would it take for the average business student to unravel the tangled web of share ownership and board directorships, to discover which politician's interests will be best served and pockets best filled once these corporations make the most of Iraq's prized asset - oil? Let's face it - there will be no fund to help Iraqis build their lives; there will be no money set aside to help the Iraqis regain the 12 years they have lost after the first Gulf War. All that money will be conveniently syphoned out of Iraq into the pockets of, I believe none other than, Bush himself. Unless, of course, the UN can intervene. Yeah, right. Fat chance. Overpaid diplomats, conveniently silenced.
Oh, and by the way, this is a snapshot of the guy who is leading this war. I have no idea whether they were doctored or are original copies. Wouldn't be surprised if they were original.
The US troops have also caused fatal bloopers this weekend - first they shoot down a British RAF jet, killing both servicemen in the fighter plane. Then they fired at a civilian bus full of Syrians fleeing from Iraq, killing 5. And today it transpired that Terry Lloyd, ITN news reporter who was killed in Iraq this weekend, and his colleagues, came under fire from Coalition, possibly American, fire while being chased by Iraqi vehicles; despite driving in vans clearly marked 'TV'.
How much more stupid can the Americans get? And how utterly careless. It is as if they are playing on game consoles, instead of dealing with real people and real lives. One wonders what they are going to say about all this? 'Oops?' perhaps?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/23/2003 05:38:46 PM
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BODY:
Taking a break from the war..
Just got back from Warwick - in fact I have yet to make it back to my room. But I thought I'd update the events of the weekend and get it out of my system. Then it's back to my room, and straight to bed.
I thought the blog could take a brief breather from the war issues I've been dealing with and do a [brief] report on the Warwick Games netball tournament. What a luxury - I can afford to stop talking about the war for a day or two and think nothing has happened; where as in reality - for the Iraqis faced with all this terror; they will never know when it will all end.
Anyways, the Warwick Games netball report. We set off for Coventry on Friday afternoon, arriving at a little past dark that evening. Stayed at Adniz's and Fani's place; soon got to know the rest of their housemates : Timah, Sal and Nila - another ex-STFian.
There were 3 groups of 3 at the games, and were grouped with Warwick B and Loughborough. Little Nipper made an apperance, but played with Royal Holloway, thereby avoiding us all the way through.
"
Bagi aku, aku tak setuju Saddam surrender. Sebab kalau dia surrender, US akan masuk and take over. Silap-silap, dia bawak sama-sama sahabat-sahabat zionis dia and take over economy Iraq, yang begitu kaya dengan minyak.
Kalau Saddam nak mati dalam perang ni, biarlah dia mati mempertahankan kedaulatan negara dia sendiri. Aku tak setuju orang kata Iraq negara sekular - sebab kat flag diorang ada perkataan AllahuAkbar. Jadi kalaulah dia mati mempertahankan kedaulatan negara Islam, mulia la sikit aku boleh pandang dia. Kalau dia lari.. entahlah. Tak tahu aku nak cakap macam mana.
Dalam perang ni, aku sokong Iraq menang, and if that means Iraq akan menang di bawah kepimpinan Saddam Hussein, then let it be. Tapi after all of this is over, kita sebagai umat Islam kena amik tindakan, jihad menentang pemimpin yang zalim. Aku sokong Iraq in this war, tapi tak tergamak nak menyokong Saddam as a person sedangkan dia menzalimi orang yang dia pimpin, dan dia sendiri pernah menentang the Islamic Republic of Iran. Selepas Iraq menang perang ni, pada pendapat aku, kena ada kempen untuk pemuliharaan kepimpinan di Iraq, supaya umat Islam dapat hidup dalam keadaan yang sebaik-baiknya. OIC sepatunya memainkan peranan, bukan US, bukan UK, bukan UN.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/21/2003 11:24:01 AM
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"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in." -George McGovern
The news this morning was that 12 members of the Coalition Forces [or Allied Troops or whatever it is they call themselves] have perished in a helicopter crash in Kuwait, a few miles south of the Iraqi border. The first casualties of this nonsensical war, and for sure, not the last. The Western media have refused to report any civilian Iraqi casualties, but I do not have any doubt that after all that shelling and bombing, there must have been some civilian casualties.
The government will send condolences and look typically sad; but for as long as there is nobody bearing the family names of Blair, Bush, Powell, Rumsfeld, Straw or Hoon fighting the war, they will never really feel the pain. By the way, did you know George W. Bush went AWOL during the Vietnam war?
I've also been getting SMSes asking me how we are doing here. The Malaysian High Commission has issued directives against travel to and from the UK and Eire. It's probably created a bit of a stir back home - but as far as Lancaster is concerned, so far, we're doing all right. It isn't as bad as London, which faces a more serious terrorist threat.. having said that we are not being complacent; aware, but not alarmed.
Anyways, we're off to Warwick this afternoon. Should be updating with all the regular stuff after I get back, which is Sunday night. Unless I can sneak an hour or two on someone's computer.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/20/2003 09:03:34 AM
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"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand." -Josh Billings
War has been declared, as of 0230 hours GMT. Saddam could be dead.
"If I oppose Bush and his war, does that mean I support Saddam?" I asked myself this question as I was walking out of my flat heading for the office this morning. The question was spurred by the appearance of a young lady - just 23 years of age - who happened to be an Iraqi in exile on gmTV. For once, here was a Muslim woman clad in proper, Muslim attire; almost Malaysian looking in terms of dress with a nice headscarf and all - on prime breakfast TV, talking about how hours after she was born, the Saddam regime marched her entire family to the Iranian border, in the height of the Iraq-Iran war. She nearly lost her mother in the journey; and to this day she has not yet heard from two of her uncles.
I guess in the heightened emotions of the US and its allies declaring war on Iraq, the fact that Saddam himself is a despot managed to slip to the back of our minds. Yes, Iraq is a Muslim country, and yes, it's people are predominantly Muslim. But don't forget that 12 years ago, it was Saddam himself who launched an attack on Kuwait - for no other reason than that of oil.
And some 23 years ago, it was Iraq who went to war with Iran; and it was Saddam's regime who received arms from the US and the UK to help Iraq fight the war against the Islamic Republic of Iran. Saddam made the choice to attack Iran because of his fear of the new revolutionist leadership of Muslim Iran. At that point, the US too were scared of the rise of an Islamic nation, and used Saddam to quell that fear of theirs. In the same way that they provided weapons to the Taliban of Afghanistan to fight the Russians - in the uprising against Communism.
Can you really support Saddam, knowing his track record with the Kurds? Knowing how he attacked Kuwait, and how he fought against Iran - also an Islamic state? This is a man who has no qualms about killing his own kin in the name of power. I don't think I can find it in me to do so.
It is evident that the US adminstration are power prostitutes, sleeping with the enemy when they see fit, and then stabbing them in the back when their needs change. And to me, they are the real enemy: with all their pretense, hyporcrisy and fakeness, lulling you into believing them, and if you don't, they ply you with money and 'aid' for your country.
So what is my stand in all this?
* I oppose the use of force against civilians in Iraq, whom I know are predominantly Muslims.
* I oppose the biased foreign policies of the United States of America and the Bush administration, who seem to declare they want to make the world a safer place, but at the same time, not ridding the world of weapons of mass destruction from similar rogue states such as Israel and North Korea.
What do I want?
*I want Saddam ousted, but at no cost to the civilians of Iraq. Come on, Allied Troops - you have the SAS, the SEALS, the Special Forces.. how hard is it to take one man out?
*I want the US to take no advantage of the oil that within Iraq.
*I want the Iraqi people to choose their own leaders, with no outside intervention except that of the United Nations, and even that just as observers to oversee the democratic process, because I fear the people of Iraq may have forgotten they have a voice.
*And I want Israel and North Korea disarmed too. I want UN Weapons Inspectors in there, and if they don't declare all their biological and chemical weapons, I want to wage war on their administration too.
But we all know, what we want, we hardly ever get.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/19/2003 05:38:23 PM
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BODY:
Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer." - Doc Childre and Howard Martin
After all the fuss, the politicians in the House of Commons voted to support the inclusion of British troops as part of the Allied forces in the war against Iraq. Should this come as a surprise, after all the talk about rebel MPs and resignations? Perhaps not. Because think of it this way - if you were a politician, or a person, even, and you had sentiments which were in direct opposition with what the general public, on aggregate, believed, how many of you would have the guts to come outright and say so?
It will be the ones who share the public sentiments that speak out; and after watching the media, you find yourself lulled into believing that in general, MPs don't support a war. Add to the equation, images of protests and average Joes and Janes on the streets decrying war - well, don't be too harsh on yourself if you believed there was a possibility something might happen.
The reality of it is: the MPs vote, not the protesters. And the silent majority chose war. Which, of course, brings me back to the whole issue of IQ levels and politicians.
It was the same during the elections in Malaysia just after Anwar Ibrahim was unceromoniously ousted. In general, people would say they supported the Keadilan cause, because it made intellectual sense, and it was the in thing to do. What actually happened when they got to the ballot boxes was a different thing altogether. I could easily name and shame those close to me who, in conversation, denounced Dr. M and then sheepishly admitted they chose to put the X next to the Barisan logo.
If war breaks out, would you blame Saddam for not going into exile?
I won't. Bush has made it clear that the Allied Army would march into Baghdad, whether Saddam goes or stays. If I were Saddam, and I knew that this was the score, I might as well hang on in there and fight till my last breath. Sovereignity is an invisible concept, but it is this that makes many international compromises impossible. Chances are if Saddam sticks around, he would sooner or later be assassinated by "top-notch" American operatives [who mistook a septuagenarian from Bristol for a man on their most wanted list]. But at least he would die defending his country; he would die a hero, and to those who support him, he would die a martyr.
One suspects once they enter Baghdad, the Allied Forces would not be greeted with the cheers and jubilation of the people of a country who have been liberated, and a dictator defeated.
10 Questions for George W. Bush
If I were lucky enough to be granted an audience with George W. Bush, here are 10 questions I would ask him:
1. Now that you have forged on ahead destroying Iraq's weapons of mass distruction, will you do the same to Israel's and North Korea's?
2. If Iraq was a barren desert with no oil, would you give Saddam the time of day?
3. Why do you have no respect for the sentiments and feelings of others?
4. Why do you feel that you rule the world?
5. Since you are so adamant that war must be fought to bring peace to the world, why aren't you on the front line?
6. How stupid do you think the people of the world are?
7. How stupid are you?
8. Why have you never launched an attack on Israel, despite their blatant defiance of over 60 UN resolutions?
9. What makes you think that you are above international law?
10. Can you sleep at night, knowing the innocent lives your bombs will take; the children, the women and the invalids that have to die needlessly; just to feed your ego?
Guilt Trip
On a more personal, micro level, I am feeling a lot of guilt as of late. Guilty because:
As I write, 3 British Cabinet ministers have resigned from their posts, in opposition to Blair's stand on the war on Iraq. The first to step down was Robin Cook, leader of the House of Commons. This was followed by Health Minister Lord Hunt and Home Office Minister John Denham. Among Cook's arguments - he could not see the sense of going to war with a nation whose arsenal have halved from the first Gulf War, and having what they had left destroyed as part of the UN disarmament mission.
Definition of war: A state of open, armed, often prolonged conflict carried on between nations, states, or parties. So is it a war? I can only see armed conflict inflicted on the nation of Iraq, and not the other way round. So does this mean that it is now okay for Iraqis in the UK to open fire, because technically, the countries are at war?
My [somewhat sporadic, unstructured] thoughts on this war
So yeah, all in all.. a good weekend. Knackered, but at least I didn't pick up any knocks today. Have to keep fit and free from injuries for the Warwick games, and I think the only thing I've injured is my ego - only managed ONE goal this year ; where as my record is 9 goals in 7 games! Perhaps it was the service, perhaps I was just not winning the ball enough.. I dunno. But I enjoyed it.
I did plan to get some work in this weekend; but no go. S'okay.. I've got to learn to live a little. Just hope I'm not living it up too much.
Oh, and in the spirit of Zieha's list, I thought I'd get my list out of the way straight up. At least I'm giving everyone a chance to save up. So here's my birthday wish list - I reckon 3 months and 6 days is good enough time for you all to dwell on this.
1. Sony Net MD Mini Disc Player (£169.99)
That's it. Just one thing. So Lancasterians - if you start saving from now, and if you collude.. hehehhehehhheeh
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/13/2003 04:44:25 PM
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A walk down memory lane..
For all STFians out there who may be reading this journal.. try and identify the one familiar face in this picture :)
And speaking of chronic lack of sleep, Tuesday wasn't a very good day for me. We spent Monday night visiting two families and their newborn babies - and only headed back at about 2am. I couldn't find it in me to trudge all the way back to the other side of campus; so I spent the night where I always spend the night when I can't spend the night in my own bed.. heh heh heh. Only made it back at 11am the next morning - obviously oversleeping but my body clock didn't appreciate the change in hours as much. Tried to get some work done at the library but found myself asleep more than anything else.
Went to training in the afternoon, but for the first time in ages I found myself very undermotivated. Sort of went through the motions more than actually having fun. Everyone seemed enthuthiastic about the inter-college games this Sunday, but, pardon the French, I found myself feeling I couldn't be arsed. Not good!
So I'm working from home for the better part of today; with the hope that I may get something done. Highly unlikely, I know - but at least I've managed a couple of rounds of laundry!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/10/2003 09:14:30 AM
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BODY:
I've learned that you don't have to win first place to win. - Kim Zmeskal -
Whoever the hell Kim Zmeskal was, some people up in Sheffield must have read her philosophy on life and decided to put it to good use 
Okay, so I'm still sore. Shoot me. It'll take a while to wash over. Big deal. It's hard when you're ancient but still a kid at heart. Heh heh heh.
First of all, my apologies to the real gold medallist that represented Lancaster at Sheffield - in all my earnestness to vent, I forgot that we had another winner amongst us. Our squash player, especially imported from Dublin, Ireland - secured Lancaster's first gold medal way before netball knew they were through to the [so-called] semi finals. Good one, Ainizam! [betul ke aku eja nama dia nie?]
And I'm not really THAT sore about Sheffield. For the better part, it WAS a good experience; and everything - even the rain - went well up to the point until how the championship was decided. So if anyone from Sheffield is reading this - do not take all the jibes personally. I am just an evil person. 
Spent the whole of yesterday, after finally managing to crawl out of bed, at Kak Eda's place in Graduate Hall. She invited me for breakfast, but I was too knackered to move anywhere away from my bed. All the muscles I never knew I had were somehow throbbing. Finally, at around 2pm, me and Ana made it over for 'lunch'.
The rest of the day was [sadly] spent watching the netball game video - it really was the first time I saw myself in action on any sports field, and in that sense, it was a small consolation for me to know that I did not commit any fouls, made minimal mistakes and did actually play my heart out - at least I knew I gave my all. To be honest, there wasn't much else we could do. Zieha, Ana or even Adniz could be thinking, what if that shot went it, or if that one had gone in.. and all that; and while I was giving Ana and Zieha a relatively hard time about it yesterday, I meant no malice. They were both spot on and superb in all the games; and if we didn't score as many goals as we would have liked to, it is as much a function of the rest of the team not getting the ball up to the D as much as anything else.
Another thing that was the [very sad] highlight of the video was my little scene with Shorty from London. I can't recall any of it, but apparently after I was pushed I got up straight away and looked hell bent on giving a certain someone a piece of my mind, or perhaps my fist. It was Adniz who visibly pulled me away, asking if I was all right and calming me down. Could there have been carnage?
I'd like to think not; I've kept my temper in check for many many years and have not lashed out in ages. But given that what happened immediately after the fall had no bearing on my memory.. well, who knows. All in all, I was just glad that it didn't end in an ugly manner, although I now have a nicely bruised wrist - and she a skinned elbow.
The positive thing about this? We are now hell bent on sending a team to Warwick. Ana is sorting it out as we speak. Bloody brilliant, I'd say! I don't care if we lose all our games there - as long as we lose fair and square.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/9/2003 11:57:41 AM
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BODY:
Never compromise yourself - it is all you got." -Janis Joplin
The Sheffield Games
Our trip to South Yorkshire began at approximately half past six [in the morning!!] ; so my day technically began at 5 am. After giving a few people wake-up calls and performing Subuh prayers, I headed off to the Underpass - the rule was: be there by 6am. In true Malaysian style, the only people who were actually there at 6am were Ija and Ilham, who thought they'd miss the bus already.
But everyone was rounded up pretty quickly, and we were soon our our way. The bus driver decided to take a shorter route - via the Snake Pass - named, perhaps, after the winding road that it was, going round and round as we crossed the Pennines and travelled through the Peak District. The view was breathtaking - too bad most of the passengers in the back of the bus were too busy throwing up to enjoy it. I was sitting with Zieha at the front of the bus, with Ana just behind me - which made for good conversation.
We reached Sheffield at about 8.45am, not getting too lost, Alhamdulillah. The games were scheduled to start a bit past 9am, with the opening ceremony by Dato Nazri Abd Aziz midway through, and the rest of the games scheduled after that. The netball team were Ana, Claire, Jas, myself, Zieha, Mas and Mei Chin, with Fani and Adniz from Warwick as our 'imported' players. The games were to be played in two pools, with the top two advancing to the next round. In our pool were Birmingham, Leicester, Thames Valley University, Sheffield A and Middlesex. First up was our game against Birmingham, which had to be rescheduled due to their late arrival. We met Leicester first.
Game by game report
Lancaster vs Leicester
Our first game, and some pre-game jitters were still evident. It was a clean, good game, but due to most of the play being in the midfield, there weren't too many chances for either team to score. By half time we were down 1-0. Not the best of starts. But luck was to be on our side. A more solid second half performance - better passing, more cohesion, good defending and slick attacking enabled us to beat score twice. Not the best of margins, but bring on Birmingham!
FINAL SCORE: Lancaster 2 Leicester 1
Lancaster vs Birmingham
Birmingham are an old nemesis - apparently we lost to them in the Quarters at Nottingham due to technical errors regarding the courts [ I didn't go to the Nottingham games, being that it was I was in Malaysia at that time]. I was quite apprehensive upon meeting them, but it turned out that this Birmingham team were not the team Lancaster met at the Nottingham games. They consisted of teenagers, and were easily creamed. We even substituted a few players at half time. Our confidence was high, our morale was boosted. There seemed to be positive prospects for our team advancing to the semis.
FINAL SCORE: Lancaster 12 Birmingham 0
Lancaster vs Sheffield A
Being the hosts, Sheffield sent two teams. We were in the pool with Sheffield A. Initially it was an intimidating prospect - facing the hosts - but as we did in the previous two games somehow there was cohesion in the team play. Everyone seemed to be playing really well - even I was amazed with myself. The smooth passing, smart gameplay and general calmness of the team again paved the way for another victory. Our defence, for two games in a row, was absolutely solid. 
FINAL SCORE: Lancaster 6 Sheffield A 0
Lancaster vs Thames Valley University
Thames Valley, with Leicester, were both vying for second spot as it became clear that the odds were on for us to come off top of the group. So they were quite a threat, and after initially being dished out the Center bib, Ana looked at their team and quickly switched me to Wing Attack. The reason? Apparently Thames Valley's Wing Defence was well know for rough play, and Ana wanted someone who could handle the little tyrant.
And when she talked about rough play, she wasn't kidding. The WD basically did all sorts of dodgy tactics - from hugging me to stop me getting the ball to blatant, basic shirt pulling, not to mention continously barging into me. Time for the football skills to come into play. Everytime she back into me, I made sure she bounced OFF me. I was not going to let Short Stuff get the better of me.
If she thought she could employ football defence tactics on me, well, I thought I'd show her a few of mine as well. The play began with a ball that was sent over my head, but no one behind me was there to receive it. Instead of picking the ball up, I let it bounce from the midfield through to the goal where we were shooting - usually during a football game, for as long as there was no one in front of you, you would dribble the ball up the field.
Since dribbling is not allowed in netball, I thought I'd just let it bounce towards top court, shielding the ball with my body as I went. Little Nipper wasn't happy, and tried to get the ball off me. What happened next? Pure Latin American stuff. She was running fast. She gave me a little shove, perhaps even an accidental one. I took a bigger fall. With her speed, she barged into me and fell down on top of me. It looked like carnage to the on-lookers, for we were playing on hard tar, and any fall was hard. The umpire called a foul. I looked at her and gave a well meaning smile. The ball was in our court. Of course, we scored. Heh heh heh.
FINAL SCORE: Lancaster 4 Thames Valley 1
Lancaster vs Middlesex
At this point, we were clearly through. 4 wins out of 4. Middlesex, along with Birmingham, were being creamed all day. I was planning to sit out this game, and so was Claire, who was nursing two ankle injuries. But it wasn't to be. Middlesex upped and left by midday and we were given a walkover. Roll on the semis.
The semi finals were rather odd - they weren't really semi-finals; but we were to play both the two top teams of the other pool, and in a round-robin fashion, the champion would be determined. First up - old nemesis Notts.
Lancaster vs Notts
We had quite a long break before the Notts game, and the aches and pains were beginning to show. It was raining, heavily, and we were all soaking wet. The game began with a lot of touch and go.. not too many scoring chances, and again, at half time, we found ourselves 1-0 down. A few tactical changes were made at half time, and instead of my role as Center for one half, Wing Attack for the other - I found myself playing Center for the whole game. Adniz, I think, went off, and Fani came on for GK, with Claire as GD. Ana swapped from GD to GA.
Soon after the second half started, though, we found ourselves 2-0 down. My spirits were beginning to dip, but as a team, we were not going to take defeat easily. A few key interceptions and blocks, and we managed to score. 2-1, but still losing. A counter attack allowed the ball into our top half in a few easy moves, and suddenly it was 2-2. Game on!
But the clock was ticking, and Notts were attacking more forcefully. I found myself defending more than attacking at one point; and everyone and their grandma knows how crap I am at defence. A crucial mistake, though, by Nottingham - holding the ball for too long - allowed us to regain possession when the ball was in their top court. Utilising our midfield, we soon got the ball up to Ana and Zieha in the D. I could hear the clock ticking away. Would there be enough time for a shot at goal?
Ana took the first shot, but the ball refused to cooperate. It teased about going in, but didn't. Zieha managed to grab it and was close enough for a shot. I was praying the final whistle wouldn't blow. I could barely look at she made the shot. Then came the sweetest sounds of all - not that of the whistle, but that of a ball going through the net. A nice, resounding, swish! We were 3-2 up, after coming from being 2-0 behind.
We barely took the ball into the middle before the umpire whistled for end of play. I was ecstatic, jumping up and down like a football hooligan, and unashamedly clenched Ana into a victory hug, after which I quickly looked for Zieha to congratulate her. What a killer goal. What perfect timing. What a blast!
FINAL SCORE : Lancaster 3 Nottingham 2
Lancaster vs Leeds
Leicester had beated Leeds 10-1. We didn't want to lose to them, though, because we had gotten thus far undefeated, 6 wins out of 6. And as with the previous game, everything fell into place perfectly. The ball would find itself into the top D, and we would score. 4-0 up at half time, we managed to score a few more to ensure that we came out undefeated. But at the end of the game, there wasn't the usual jubilation, the usual victory hugs. More bemused smiles and sore acceptance. Something was not going quite right for the Lancaster team.
FINAL SCORE: Lancaster 9 Leeds 1
Final verdict: Lancaster ended up 2nd at Sheffield. How was that achieved, when we didn't lose one game at all? Ask the organisers. Since Lancaster and Leicester both ended up with two wins in the second phase, they decided on goal difference. And so, a team which we beat, and a team that recorded a loss and a draw, came out as champions. And the team who were unbeaten, 7 games out of 7, came out second best. Cruel justice.
The right thing to do, for me, was to pit us against Leicester. If we lost to them that second time, then I could accept being second best. But on that day we WERE the best. We BEAT the Leicester team. But we too were the team who left with silver instead of gold.
I am proud to have achieved something - a couple of wins, a couple of highs, a few bruises and a bandaged hand, to name but some. But every time I see that silver medal hanging in my room, I feel frustrated. The medal is right. The colour is wrong.
But as Muhammad Ali once said, "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." And we had all that - speed, stamina, skill and will. And so in my eyes, my team were the champions.
Other reflections
Of course, some of you reading this would say, it was a small matter, a small, insignificant sports meet in which victory and defeat means almost nothing. Which is true, really. So why do I feel so strongly? Perhaps it is my competitive nature - I can take defeat when I am clearly beaten. But not when I was clearly the best.
And perhaps it was because it has been a long time for me since I played in competitive sports for real. Yes, I do play the odd game for the uni and a few for the college on a Sunday - but this time I was playing with my friends, whom I genuinely respect and have a good time with. So it meant a little bit more.
All in all, it will fade, this frustration. I am not walking around like some wounded tiger; and I am not lashing out at anybody. Externally, I'm pretty much the same person that I have been all this while
But as the emotions were still riding high, I thought this would be good journal writing stuff. Heh heh heh
Jejak Kasih
It was a reunion of some sort, for Zieha's friend Fani from Warwick, who was our [excellent] stand in GK/GD, was also one of my juniors when I was at STF. After providing Zieha with a quote which will now be used against me for quite a while, we got down to some serious reminiscing. It's always nice to see a familiar face, and even better if we get along.
Men's Football
Our boys made it to the Quarterfinals, after which a freak penalty saw them defeated. But they were absolutely SUPERB in their support of us; especially during the Notts game when we were trailing 2-0 down. They were always there to rally around us ; which played an important part in our victories.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/8/2003 09:34:20 PM
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BODY:
"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." -George E. Woodberry
Nuff said.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/7/2003 05:51:21 PM
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BODY:
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -William Blake
Finally, after much deliberation, heartache and pain - okay, perhaps not - but seemingly endless days staring at sheets and sheets of printed paper, nonetheless - I have stumbled onto two potential topics for which Peter seems happy for me to proceed with. Almost instantly I felt my brain sighing with relief.
So, as it stands, I'm looking at two separate issues - Earnings Management via Financial Enginering; and Severance Pay for Outgoing Top Executives. They are then to be linked together by examining both topics against governance mechanisms - specifically boards and board committees - the idea being to see how they interact.
Both the above are instances of the manifestation of the agency problem and basically the contribution to the literature would be further evidence of board effectiveness. For the former, potentially a model which could be operationalised and for the latter, hopefully we can begin to understand the motivations behind high pay for outgoing top executives, especially in more acrimonious situations.
Plan of action for the week ahead is as follows:
After a very hectic Wednesday, it was nice to have a relatively easygoing Thursday. Aneel did come down from London and I was foreseeing a whole day of thrashing about re: the research project; but what it turned out to be was a nice casual chat between me, him, Steve and Val, basically focusing on informing them what we have done, and receiving subsequent offers for another job, perhaps in the summer. RA work is tedious and repetitive, but it pays good money and it allows me to be involved hands on with the research process.
Thursday morning, as always, was spent doing tutorials with the students. Lunchtime - found myself in a roundtable discussion with Ana, Khal, Rijal and Jiden about 'the escalating costs of travel today'. In retrospect, it was time better spent on reading journal articles, but who am I lying to? I needed the break, and it was a welcome break too. Rest of the day - mostly fudging about here and there.
Yesterday, too, Ija - one of my oldest family friends - arrived from Malaysia. She was here at Lancaster last here with her late husband, who tragically passed away in May after a short illness. She intercalated and is now back to finish off her Masters. Spent most of the day trying to track her down, which I did, in the end - only made it back to my flat after midnight.
To me she is a symbol of tremendous strength. She was pregnant with their firstborn as he got more and more sick; and she gave birth to their son only days after he passed away. Lesser mortals would have crumbled under the pressure, the grief and the depression. But she has shown so much strength and solidarity - at least in public - which, to me, borders on truly inspirational. And we're all going to Sheffield on Saturday.
Saturday is Sheffield Games day. It's an annual event, which the University of Sheffield's Malaysian Society and the Malaysian community in general organises. It's a sport meet, essentially - with netball, men's football, squash, badminton and volleyball being contested - but others tend to turn up, too - to socialise. It has been a while since I did any competitive sport with Malaysians; and I am competitive by nature. Meets like these psyche me up - reminds me of the old school days when I would get so into the spirit of the games.
I used to be quite relentless, and couldn't understand people who didn't embody the same school spirit as me. Because even as a supporter I was competitive - wanted to be the one with the wittiest cheer or the loudest shout. I still can't understand people who don't want to be behind their university or club or school or house team when it comes to competition; but I've slowly learnt to be more accepting of people's differences.
So yeah, anway.. I'll be playing netball tomorrow. A game I haven't played in YEARS. I don't think I'm any good at this game - too many rules for my liking. But I'd do anything not to be on the sidelines.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/5/2003 08:57:44 PM
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BODY:
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -Albert Einstein
It is 9pm. I am just about to head off back to my flat. It has been 12 and a half hours since I set foot into the office this morning.
Funnily, I am unexplainably perky. Can even see myself polish off a few articles before bed tonight. We'll see.
Now, though, I have to run. Man's baser instincts are calling - need grub, now!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/4/2003 11:06:50 PM
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BODY:
"Everyone has a talent, what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads." -Erica Jong
Am totally knackered. Missed training this afternoon to see off the load of files I received from Aneel today. Only managed to get everything done by 6.30pm; have already recieved another set of files for me to crack tomorrow.
Tried reading the Brief paper - Conservative Accounting and Earnings Quality - for tomorrow's seminar. Too much statistical mumbo jumbo. Or it could be, again, my brains that are already fried by now.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/4/2003 09:00:18 AM
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BODY:
Introspection
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain.. okay, so maybe it wasn't pouring, but it was raining. And by Lancaster standards, if you can walk in it and get reasonably wet, then that's real rain. I like rain. I like getting wet. It feels good, it feels refreshing and it feels clean. Which is more than what you can say about the rain itself, because it isn't just water falling anymore, is it? It's 3001 chemicals and then some. I don't know why I like rain. Perhaps it's got something to do with my true zodiac sign, as predicted by Emode.
An Aquarius!
It's sooo you!
The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but overall you're an AQUARIUS. As an air sign, you're a great communicator and an independent thinker. Besides which, you've got an incredibly popular side -- people can't resist that inviting personality and your altruistic ways. You are ambitious and creative, but you also have a tendency to be inflexible when it comes to your views. Although you may be a great and giving friend, you tend to shy away from romantic relationships. Your sign -- the water-bearer -- indicates that you give off a special energy that others receive as a gift. You are definitely a people person, and you want everyone to be happy. You also have an analytical edge that comes out in your progressive thinking. In addition to all of these redeeming qualities, you are most commonly known for being the friendliest sign in the zodiac.
Okay, enough plugging of nonsensical online tests - it was something else I wanted to talk about - acceptance.
Perhaps one of the hardest things we will need to do at some point in our lives is accept ourselves for who we are. To finally come to realise that we are not as our mental picture draws us. We've all had aspirations in the past - things we see ourselves as, our own personal visions of our success - some so private we hardly share them with ourselves. And as we grow older, and as the years pass us by, we reach a stage where we realise that we aren't going to make that movie, or be the super-athlete or write that critically-acclaimed novel. And we have to leave behind the idealism of youth and embrace the realism of adulthood. Where work, family and life gets in the way of more abstract ideals.
Not to say that acceptance means we leave our dreams behind. Perhaps more of a reorientation of targets, or just prioritising, really. I still harbour the hope that one day I'll write a screenplay that the masses will say of as 'profound' and 'soulsearching'; something that projects Muslims in a positive light, for once. Something that will show the world we are not who the media says we are. Will that happen anytime soon? With a PhD on the cards, and life in Malaysia after that? Perhaps not. But it still feels good to dream. "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Or so said Langston Hughes.
I guess for some, finally realising that we are not who we envision ourselves as could take a toll on our self esteem. And I guess that's why it's important for us to always reassess ourselves. Muhasabah diri, I guess. Sentiasa ingat bahawa kita ada di muka bumi sebagai Khalifah Allah di sini. Kadang-kadang kita mungkin keliru dengan apa bentuk atau apa manifestasi kita sebagai Khalifah - adakah sebagai pendidik, atau sebagai pemimpin, atau sebagai seorang pekerja yang memudahkan kerja untuk orang lain? Bagaimanakah kita menyebarkan syiar Islam? Melalui bahan pengajaran kita? Melalui hiburan? Melalui kata-kata yang tertera di atas kertas? Dan pada ketika itulah, kita perlu redha dengan apa yang Allah kurniakan pada kita, dan akur bahawa apa jua peranan yang kita mainkan, it is all part of the Grand Design, a piece of the jigsaw puzzle. Dan jangan cepat melatah if things don't go our way, sebab Allah lebih mengetahui.
Of course, we also have to learn to accept other people for who they are. Their limitations, wounds and scars are also part of the package. And as a child, one of the hardest things to learn to accept is that our parents, too, are human. As we grow up, we put our parents on a pedestal unequal to any other pedestal upon which we elevate a mortal being. And as their flaws begin to show, the cracks and chinks in the armour begin to become evident; we are often left bewildered, because the only two perfect people in the world are not so perfect after all. Resentment sets in, and as we look at ourselves today, we blame them for everything that is not right with us. 
It is hard to see our parents, when raising their firstborn, as two, confused young adults not quite sure what to do with us; which step to take, which path leads to the end of the rainbow. They too, played the trial and error game, and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Just like the game we will have to play some day with our kids.
No child wants to see the flaws in their parents, but when the gaps start showing, we have to learn to accept them as humans. Not an easy task - a path riddled with pain and a lot of soulsearching. But one which, if you reach the end of it, would perhaps give you closure about a lot of issues. At the end of the day, they accept us for who we are, regardless. We should too.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/4/2003 12:07:27 AM
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Maal Hijrah
And so a new year dawns today. I have been busy all day - started the day with journal articles, followed by more RA work. Which only finished about 10 minutes ago. Not that it's the end of anything, because another pack will arrive on my lap tomorrow morning.
Today, 4 March is also 1 Muharram. So I thought it would be an appropriate time to think about some New Year Resolutions.
1. Speak less, listen more
2. Mesra sejadah
3. Prioritise
4. Make sure tomorrow is always better than today, which was better than yesterday.
5. To be more accepting of myself and other people
My brain, as is evident, is probably fried at this point. Nothing is making sense so perhaps I should call it quits. More logical resolutions may just come about after a good night's sleep.
As a side note - SCAN published my piece in this week's issue.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/2/2003 06:09:43 PM
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Weekend in review
My weekend started early this week - on Friday night instead of Saturday morning as usual. It has been one of ups and downs; starting off with the amazing International Night performance [yes.. masuk bakul angkat sendiri.. sebab takde orang lain nak puji], ending with depressing 2-0 loss to Liverpool. Oh well.. here's a round-up..
The Dikir Barat Performance
After almost a month of sacrifcing my Wednesday nights and Ant & Dec on Saturdays, it finally all came together on Friday night. International Night is an evening of international culture organised by Lancaster University's Student Support Department and International Office [or are they part of each other? I dunno] We were the second performance up; and it was a good thing we used our own instruments instead of a recording, because the sound system was atrocious.
It has been a while since I've been on stage; and I must say the adrenalin only started flowing a few minutes before the actual performance began. But once you get up there, it really does flow and I found myself really enjoying the moment. And, rather ungraciously, I have to admit that I think the audience did too - the applause was superb [or it could have been a ploy to get us off the stage as soon as possible]. The thing was, even though they didn't understand what we were singing about, the beat of the tune was catchy and you find your feet tapping to the sound of the drums, and your head nodding in tune; so at least on that level it worked.
There were a few negligible [and not so negligible] mistakes, but on the whole we did get pats on the back by our friends; so I reckon it was a job well done. More importantly we all enjoyed ourselves; after all, what was it worth, the pain and strife, if it doesn't end in jou at the end? I was especially proud of the fact that in terms of numbers, we were the most well-represented, with about 30-odd people on stage. We also did not have to resort to baring flesh or sensous moves to make people sit up and look. People were quite intrigued with the cooperation from all levels of the community; from the children, to the undergraduates, postgraduates and moms & dads - everyone pitched in where they could.
And all I have to say to that is I think this year, we Malaysians work ok as a community. We are not perfect; there are people grumbling about other people, surely - but at the end of the day most can set aside their differences for the greater good. Which, although in some cases can lead to superficiality, can also lead to better understanding; I use it to look at people through different glasses every time, in the hope that I can see themselves in the way they see themselves, and hopefully, would help me understand and accept their shortcomings as they do mine, and at the same time, striving to learn more about the massive chinks in my armour.
Work work work
I put in a few hours of work this weekend - mostly doing the RA stuff I've been helping out Aneel with. Most of Saturday was spent doing that. At night we went for a meal at Kak Fida and Kak Fiza's place [they are twins, and I have only begun to be able to tell them apart!]; followed by a Hindi movie! Now I am the world's No 1 non-Hindi movie fan, although my whole family seem to be besotted with the genre. I am strictly an English movie person; for the mere fact that my brain races when I have to read the subtitles when I am watching the movie, and I often find myself lost half way through [I don't watch modern Malay movies because my brain refuses to be lowered to that level; and until they can come up with something quality, the best modern Malay movies are the ones which you can laugh at. Any attempt at drama falls flat. Give me P. Ramlee any day].
Anyway, watched Dil Ka Rishta - which was okay by Hindi movie standards ; at least it wasn't filled with cliches - or perhaps I haven't watched enough Hindi movies; because Abe claims he predicted the storyline after the first 20 minutes.
Sunday
Work. Football. Depressed. End of story.
Sheffield Games
We're going to the Sheffield Games next Saturday - this is like a UK-wide Malaysian student's sports meet. I am trying out for the netball team. Not that am I of any use. Yes, I can run, and yes I can catch a ball. The thing is, netball doesn't let me do one and the other at the same time; and for that reason I suck at this game. Basketball - I can do better, except that I am totally crap at taking shots. So it is perhaps appropriate that I play what I play.
Anyway, we've been training - which is good, because I haven't broken a sweat prior to the weekend since I had to attend the PPM [Pretty Pointless Meeting] on Tuesday and had seminars when there was indoor practice on Wednesday. The bad news is that we've only been practising a couple of times ; can we win it ? Yes we can. I haven't been on a winning side of anything in ages, and it's starting to hurt my oversized ego.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 3/1/2003 11:23:51 AM
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Buat test
Kat website violet ada keputusan 'What colour is your aura' test. Teringin nak buat jugak. Ini keputusannya.
We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Turquoise vibe. Turquoise types are often intelligent, energetic leaders. Vibrant and dynamic, you take center stage wherever you go; people are naturally drawn in by your charismatic nature. You love to learn, and you excel at remembering facts and figures. More than likely, you're a go-getter with your eyes on the prize. Respect and influence tend to come to you easily, but that doesn't mean you sit around waiting for them. What fun is achieving something if getting there isn't a challenge? Always pushing your limits, you'd be a natural on Survivor — a healthy competitive instinct and a willingness to take risks means you usually reach your goals. You like to look, feel, and act your best; if all those ducks are in a row, nothing's gonna get in your way.
Does this scare you? :) Or does it just confirm something you've been telling me all along?
Other 'interesting' results..all tests available on Emode.com. Take all results with MAJOR pinches of salt.
What's your true colour..
Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.
Why are you still single?
You, more than others, have a fairy tale fantasy of how things should be. Ever since you were a kid, you've probably dreamed of the perfect wedding, coming home to a white picket fence, dog, and 2.2 kids (how does that work, anyway?). When someone asks what you're looking for, you don't skip a beat: You're likely to have a handy checklist that details your perfect partner. Hair and eye color, height, religion, education, career, interests, the list goes on.
While it's great to have standards — Hey, you shouldn't have to settle, after all — there's one slight glitch in your master plan: No one has made the grade in real life — at least not yet. Next time you're out with someone, keep yourself from mentally checking that list, and give love — and others — a chance. That special someone who you've written off may be perfect for you after all...
What type are you?
You are an Intellect
If you were one of Charlie's Angels, you'd definitely be Sabrina, the brains behind the operation. Besides the fact that you're well-read and have an insatiable desire to learn, you can hold your own in any intellectual sparring match. With a wall full of diplomas, or at least a few in the works, your hobbies and interests reflect your intelligence. Whether you're reading the New York Times or catching up on the latest independent film, it's clear that your wheels are always spinning. You probably aced your SATs, tend to scoff at "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" (even though you know all the answers), and kick butt at Trivial Pursuit. Guys love the challenge of trying to seduce you. Your brainpower drives them crazy, and you're smart enough to know that it puts you in the driver's seat.
Who's Your Type?
Your type is the Goofball
Laughter is the way to your heart. A guy with a great sense of humor isdefinitely the one for you! You want a Goofball, someone who can laugh at himself and make you laugh, too. There's no bigger turn-off than a guy who takes himself too seriously. You know that if a guy is silly, he's generally self-confident and secure. Your man is a people magnet and everyone's favorite friend. There's never a dull moment with your jokester nearby. You crave excitement and laughter, and your goofball enhances those things inyour life. You probably think life is too short to spend it without asmile. Your goofy guy will ensure that that doesn't happen — hislighthearted and silly ways make everything a little bit brighter.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/28/2003 01:07:10 PM
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Work and Focus
Just got back from my meeting with Peter for this week. I have yet to settle on a specific topic; and for that I am most disturbed. I guess it has a lot to do with my own personal standards, as well as Peter's. I mean, we could very possibly do a simple UK replication of a prior US study; but Peter [and myself too] wants a thesis that will be publishable in the top journals. Which means finding something that is original, unique and provides a proper contribution to literature.
This automatically rules out any study of Malaysian corporate governance - while it is interesting, it does not warrant much addition to the existing literature. I am not looking to find the cure for AIDS, so to speak, but an equally profound study should be what I am aiming for. It is now March, almost. And yet, I am nowhere. The good thing is, so are most of the other people. The bad thing is - I don't want to be stuck at this point for any longer than I should be.
Perhaps some of my poor work ethics should also be highlighted. For one, even though I come into the office at 8.30am, I spend almost 1 hour or even 90 minutes on chatting to various people in various places. Proper work only starts at 10am. That should be cut out entirely. I leave the office at 5 or 6pm and do nothing for the rest of the day. That too, should be amended.
Okay, to be fair this week isn't a good week. I am saddled with some RA work, had to go down to Manchester for a USELESS evening of politics, plus spent a few nights with dikir barat practice. Dikir barat will be over tonight - and I should not use dikir barat as an excuse when I do nothing at night anyway. But I should cut out the hanging out and focus on the task at hand. I want a topic, I need a topic and I'm the only person who could come up with a topic for me!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/28/2003 09:55:47 AM
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MRSMs, SBPs and All That Jazz
I think I've stirred up a hornet's nest with all this stuff about SBPs and MRSMs and how they rank in the SPM rankings. To be perfectly honest, the entry wasn't a plug for how good my school is. Because, let's face it, I've been there and I know it isn't all it's cracked up to be. Believe it or not, during my SPM year, we managed to break a record of major proportions by not getting a 100% SPM pass; not that I hold anything against anybody.
But yeah, I did gloat a bit since we were a bit higher in the rankings than TKC and SSP; but that's just sibling rivalry, I think. On some years they gloat at me, on others I gloat at them. Funny stuff, really, because we had nothing to do with the achievement - so where really was our right to gloat? But it's a long-lived rivalry tradition - and it exists in many things - school bands, debate competitions, whatever really, for which there are clear rankings.
As for the MRSM issue - well, for starters I will not take away anything from them for their achievements. For the past 5-6 years, they have come out tops in the REAL rankings. It's just that the PKP MRSMs - for which only students with all A's at PMR level can enter - are much talked about. Fair play, they are good schools. But so are other MRSMs who achieve comparable results to them, and these other MRSMs work with the second or third smartest group of post-PMR students. Might I also add, that the cream post-UPSR have already been taken by the SBPs?
And my feeling is, these other MRSMs should also be spotlighted, because they got grade B milk with which they made grade A cheese, where as the PKPs got grade A milk, which, usually, although not always, is easier to mold into grade A cheese. So while the nation pats the backs of MRSMs Langkawi, Taiping, Jasin and Pengkalan Chepa, MRSMs Kuala Terengganu, Kuantan, Muar - to name a few - should also be highlighted for their achievements as well.
In the same vein that schools like Sultanah Asma School in Alor Setar, King George V School in Seremban and Aminuddin Baki KL should also be given a lot of recognition [and due reward, perhaps] because they have even more dodgy milk with which they tried to mold into top grade cheese. It's easier for SBPs and normal MRSMs to get good grades because they already have the cream post-UPSR, easier for MRSM PKPs because they get the cream post-PMR, but not such an easy ride for all the day schools, because the maverick few can upset the whole equation.
Anyway, I'll leave it at that. There are more interesting things out there than SPM results and rankings. Like the story of an Indian student who hung herself for getting 2As instead of 6, and an enraged teenager ramming a car at the courthouse in Perak out of frustration due to his poor results. Minority cases, I know. But it's an unhealthy precedent when for some, there is nothing in life but exams. [Yes, that includes you, 16As student!]
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/27/2003 11:58:29 PM
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Chicago
Watched Chicago tonight. I have never been into musicals - was never very cultured, you see - but couldn't resist the curiosity, having seen the award nominations this film has garnered.
Verdict: Musicals are watchable - but I do prefer people talking rather than singing and dancing. They remind me too much of Hindi movies. On the movie itself - it's a classic. What can I say? The storyline is light but I thought it was clever the way the musical segments interplayed with the scenes in the movie, and how each told a story. Or is that how musicals work?
At least it wasn't an opera in a different language. I would have totally suffered through that.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/27/2003 11:11:34 AM
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SPM Results
I was going to talk about something else entirely today, but then I realised the SPM results are out. Officially, on the SBP list, we are ranked 4th. Overall, if we were to include all schools - private and MRSM - we are ranked 7th.Which is still okay, since we beat TKC and SSP... hehehe. 
Okay, so perhaps I am gloating. But it's always been this way, really, for most students of an SBP or boarding schools. Even as you grow up and older, you tend to always, always look out for how your school does in the SPM rankings. School pride lives on. And for me, it's always good when we are ahead of our two bitter rivals - SSP and TKC. Not to say that we are really bitter rivals.. I've found that post-high school, most of my good friends come from these schools. Perhaps it's because we share a common background, or perhaps it's just me.. heheh.
And surprisingly, only one boy's school made it onto the list - SAS, long alleged to be the school that gets the questions, but never proven. Perhaps just random rumours to quell the frustration of the other schools. STAR and SDAR nowhere in the top 10 of SBPs, surprisingly, although MCKK's absence is no longer of much query. It's sad to see a longstanding institution of good calibre be faced with bad results year in year out - perhaps the Old Boys should stop making the school take in their substandard children.
STF's results are impressive to a certain extent - Maths got 100% all 1A, and 134/149 students got 1A for Add Maths. That is, of course, testimony to how good the rote learning system is, I think. I've long been a strong opponent to rote learning and memorising; but at the end of the day, it is that which gets the results which people want and matters in getting further ahead in the education system.
I've also been quite sceptical about MRSM results - especially those of the Taiping, Jasin, Langkawi and Pengkalan Chepa varieties. Not of out spite, but because they only take in students with all A's at PMR level; which means they've got an easier job nurturing a set of already smart students. Other MRSMs and SBPs don't have it so easy because they get a more motley group of students, albeit also good ones; and thus the results better reflect the school's efforts.
And as for Kolej Yayasan Saad, who had the massive number of 50 students taking the SPM this year.. well.. your sample size isn't good enough to warrant a generalisation, me thinks. No insult, however, to the achievement - well done. Just to call them THE top school; well.. not quite yet. Although it does shed the image of the school being that of posh people only.
But yeah, there you go.. not too bad. Just one last comment - the top student in Malaysia : 16As. Thanks to the bleeding open system. Quality? Goodness knows. But there sure is ample quantity!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/26/2003 10:40:41 PM
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Opportunity costs
Spent, or perhaps, to be a bit harsh, wasted 3/4 of my working day going to Manchester yesterday. There were two meetings I was expected to attend: the first being one with the TNB people, and the other with Noh Omar, a YB who also happens to be the Parliamentary Secretary at the Prime Minister's Department. Since I was expected at the first, I thought I'd better show up as well for the second.
The gist of the presentation? To inform us that there was a clause in sponsorship contracts which disallowed students from being involved with political societies that were not registered with the Malaysian Students Department; and to inform us that Hizbi, a long-standing, Islamic, PAS-supported group was officially banned; and Kelab Umno - another long-standing, pro-government but allegedly apolitical society was 'okay'.
This raised some concern among those in the audience - for it smacked of double standards; quite rightly so and a few people did speak up. I mean, if a club shares the moniker of a political party, but claims no affiliation; well.. it does sound a bit dodgy. I thought the issue wasn't addressed very well though, by the speaker. He kept dodging the question; avoiding the main issue and instead chose to harp on and on about other, relatively minor, talking points.
As one attendee pointed out, it was an open secret that Kelab Umno too, had political connotations - and should also not be allowed as a registered society in the same vein as Hizbi. To which the response was - join Hizbi or PAS if you want; just surrender your scholarship. Which, to me, meant that the government would only sponsor those who appeared to support it; or perhaps, appeared not to support the opposition.
On campus, we have clubs that support the aspirations of various political parties - the Conservatives, Labour, even the Green Party is well represented. And yet, I have not heard of the British government withdrawing loans given to their students. If only students who do not support the opposition be given scholarships, then wouldn't it be fair too, that those who are pro-opposition stop paying taxes? After all, it is all taxpayer's money - those who voted for and against the ruling government - that make it possible for students to be sent abroad.
A possible solution, from my point of view, to alleaviate the attention of people declaring the government practising double standards, is to rename Kelab Umno with something else. Since it was mooted that the basis of Kelab Umno was people who 'appreciated the struggle of Umno that has positioned us where we are today', it could be renamed Kelab Penyokong Kerajaan, the Backbencher's Club or some other, less offending and less political name.
I do not totally disagree with what was said; after all, we shouldn't bite the hand that feeds us. But I thought the message was delivered poorly. The issues that concerned the audience were not addressed, and the delivery was harsh, patriachal and demeaning. Instead of instilling a feeling of national pride, I got the impression that more left feeling exasperasted and perhaps more rebellious.. with more questions than answers. Perhaps a different person with more diplomacy could have handled the issue - which was sensitive - in a more tolerable, less autocratical manner. All in all, I think, mission failed.
Another interesting anecdote
I was speaking to one of the "VIPs" , who also was the mother of one of my high-school seniors, and who knew me personally. As we were deep in conversation, a bloke, who was the person in charge of taking care of said VIP, came over, looked at me with distaste and asked ' What's the problem?' To which I answered, ' Nothing.. just talking.'
He wasn't happy with my answer, and it wasn't until the VIP herself told him that I was her daughter's friend whom managed to secure a UK scholarship for my PhD, did he relent, smiled a little and looked a bit sheepish.
Funny. What was his problem? Did I, of no lineage, and perhaps of no social standing, not have the right to speak to said VIP? For the record, she did acknowledge me when she saw me first, bending over the registration table signing myself in.
Which brings me to the whole, VIP -kiss ass attitude Malaysians proudly embody. We'll talk about that later. For now, I want my dinner.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/25/2003 12:07:34 PM
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BODY:
Hectic
Work is piling up. Of course, though, I am to drop all immediate concerns and run off to Manchester for the better part of today, to see what some bigwigs have to say. I hope they make it worth my while. I really, really do. Or at least, they'd have decent food...
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/24/2003 11:26:30 AM
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BODY:
To be fair..
I know I've done a bit of a plug on life at Lancaster last week.. perhaps it's time to balance things out by spelling the down side of living abroad. I thought I'd tell everyone this later, but today might just be a good day; the piece that I wrote last week was for SCAN, which is the student newspaper here at Lancaster. So really, I thought I'd say nice things about living here as the article is my first. If I get the chance to write some more, perhaps more gripe could be added into the aggression.
Racism is something I talked about previously - and I did go on a bit about how I haven't been subject to racist abuse since I arrived here. As an adult, that is. As a child, schooling at Gilesgate Junior School in Durham in the 1980's, phrases like 'Stupid Paki' [not that I was of Indian descent], 'Blackie' and 'Coloured', 'Smelly Blacks' [althought I was perhaps the ONLY student in the whole class who showered EVERY morning before school!] were part and parcel of the abuse hurled at me on the playground. I spent four years schooling here, and I had no British friend whom I can refer to as a 'friend'.
To them I was different, and children can be cruel when they want to be, because they say things as they see them; and often, as a reflection of what their parents said. I remember being made fun of because Asians tend to have relatively prominent facial hair due to their darker hair colouring - I knew Brits with moustaches at 8 years old; only they were blonde and it didn't show; and I remember a very nice boy in the year above me called Graham who defended me. In the end, instead of retaliating, I showed them that I was smarter than they were, better at football than most of them were and could do most things with a computer that they could only dream of. It did not, in any way, endear me to any of them, but at least I managed to recover my self esteem.
I remember having Libyan friends, who were quite scared to go anywhere when Margaret Thatcher decided to attack Libya. Not very different from life as a Muslim these days, apparently. Yes, people leave us alone. That's because they have to, otherwise they will be hauled up and be given quite serious reprimands. No drunk has ever thrown a bottle at me; that's because I tend to be indoors when the drunks come out from the pubs. If I were the clubbing, party-going type, I'd probably have a different story to tell. The general sentiment I get is that people here are happy for international students to come because we have to pay a lot more; and thus will result in cash flow for them; but that's where it ends. People want us to go home as quickly as possible, and not reduce their odds of getting a proper job.
I play sports for the university, but I don't really have teammates whom I can hold a proper conversation with. I mean, I don't drink, I don't do bar crawls, I don't go out to clubs - because that's not the way of my people and my religion - ; where are the opportunities for me to socialise with these people? Things were a bit different when I was doing my Masters - I had two British mates, Paul and Ben. Ben was always happy to go to the movies with me; and we talked a lot about cultural differences. He, being an atheist, could never understand the restrictions of faith, but he was also happy to leave things at that. We got along for other reasons as well - perhaps for him, to pick my brain? Okay, an unfair statement, I know. He was a superb pal; made it tolerable for me to be here when things got icky.
When I say people are not racist, it means they are aware we are different, but I guess they can leave it at that. I think deep down inside we are all racists. Even a teeny weeny bit, but we are, really. 
Sometimes I try to show these people that with [or to some, despite of] my faith, I can be sociable and can mix. Just perhaps, in different ways. But they already have stereotypes of what Muslims are like; they think of people like me as the minority and not the majority. Their minds have been so muddled with CNN propaganda that they find it hard to believe Islam promotes life-long learning and female rights. To them our way of dressing signals oppression and not liberalisation, as we feel. They feel a need to 'save us'; where as we are happy as we are. I mean, I don't have to worry about bad hair days or about people judging me for what I look like. I will only have sex with my husband for the rest of my life - how beautiful and sanctimonious would that be, for me? I am his and he is mine alone. Better than having gone round the block, not quite sure whose child it is one is carrying.
The thing is, people want to see Islam in a bad light. It's an easy way out for them, having a scapegoat and not really having to think about the realities of life. It's easier to blame a certain group of people, disassociate and perhaps, then, find a warped sense of justification. 
But at the end of all that, it is here that I've found peace with myself. Maybe my liberal views and relatively free spirit wasn't suited for Malaysia or maybe the worst chapters of my life happened when I was back home. Perhaps that's why I feel more at home here. I can't begin to theorise why I feel like this, but I do. I feel appreciated, I feel acknowledged, and even if it is due to political correctness, people treat me as an equal. Which is more than what I felt like after what I went through last year. Wallahu'alam.
I guess, with everything, there is a good side and a bad side. If you dwell too long on the bad side, you become cynical, you lose the sense of optimism and you can end up bitter. Goodness knows I've been too bitter about too many things for too long. So I'm learning to take the bad with a dose of good, too; and perhaps, while the cynicism remains, the bitterness will fade.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/23/2003 08:57:37 PM
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BODY:
Weekly Round-up
Adegan Mencari Rumah
Sepertimana yang telah dikhabarkan, we were out and about looking for an alternative place to stay this week. And today, we met up with Trevor the Landlord to hand over the deposit and basically sort out the details of the new place. I've been in two minds about moving off campus. For one thing, I will miss the times spent hanging out at Popeye's at night; and all the other social things we tend to get up to. I've also grown to like having a study-bedroom with en-suite facilities.. nice, cosy and most importantly, mine! Also, what if I get left behind at home all alone at night? I haven't sufficiently recovered from Muadzam properly yet.
But having said that, this new place is on the direct bus route; which means the university really is within reach in 10 minutes, tops. And if I felt like hanging out, there is nothing to stop me from staying over once in a while. If Syitah and Kak Eda are both out of the house, there's nothing stopping me going on campus for a bit; or getting someone to stay over. The new house also offers me my own bedroom and personal space; and - it is a lot more cheaper, and we get better television reception, and even the rooms are bigger!
So ultimately, I am confident it is a move for the best.
Dikir Barat
The actual Dikir Barat performance is looming on the horizon. 28 February is D-Day, and perhaps after that, I will have more free nights. As it is, my Wednesday and Saturday nights are all taken up by rehearsals. Monday is my only real free day, because I've got training on Tuesday and Thursday - which means I would be too exhausted for anything else but vegetation ex-post. Friday nights are technically free, but after a full day at the office, I'm inclined to just chill in front of the telly more than anything else.
Work work work
I've taken on some research assistance work - helping out Aneel and Steve with some work on share repurchases. Basically they need me to sift out and record dates of interim and final announcements for a set of companies, based on information from the RNS - which is the London Stock Exchange news service. The work pays well - in the past the rate has been between £8 - £10 an hour; but it is menial and reptitive, which means it can get boring very quickly. Which is what I have been doing all weekend - sifting through printouts, websites and data on CD-ROM. It has taken up my whole weekend - and I'm nowhere near finished; not good, because I was really looking forward to pre-recuperate for the very busy week ahead.
For a friend
An old friend from NST, Alam, asked me to plug a band he is executive producer for. The band's name is 'Alam', although it has less to do with Alam as the Exec Producer and more to do with the earlier moniker the band had. Anyway.. if you go to this website, you can sample some of the band's music, slated by music insiders to be one of the next big things [Malaysian style]. Alam himself [the man, not the band] is a seasoned, well-respected entertainment journalist; I wouldn't think he would want to associate his name with anyone but the best. But anyway... there's the plug.. heheh.
Depression
Just read about Cik Kieli's flat mate, Sholla, whom I met briefly when I was in London earlier this year, who quit her course due to 'depressive illness'. I thought I'd add a public service announcement regarding it. Most people think depression is an emotional affliction which people are expected to 'get over' after a while or so; in most cases, this is not the situation. Depression is a real illness, caused by chemical imbalances of serotonin in the brain, or so I was told. There is proper medication for it, which technically increases serotonin in the brain. [Any medics out there? Please correct any wrong facts!]
There are also two types of depression, one being the normal kind, and the other manic depression, also known as bi-polar disease. Sally Fields plays a manic-depressive mother in ER. This is a more potent version of the illness; for it takes you down an uncontrollable downward spiral which could end in suicide. Either way, depression is not a joke. It's not something you can ignore, and if you friend is depressed, don't write it off as 'mengada-ngada'. It is a serious illness which people don't take serious enough. I should know.
The week ahead
A very busy week ahead. Dikir practice on Monday night, a meeting with the TNB and also the MSD people on the Tuesday in Manchester [which blows any chance of work on Tuesday], dikir again on Wednesday, Thursday and the big performance on Friday. Add to the equation tutorials on Thursday, a short essay on my research topic for Peter which I need to get to him on Wednesday latest, and this research assistance work. Looking forward? Perhaps not!
Football
Briefly.. very briefly.. we are now 5 points behind after only managing a draw with Bolton while ARSEnal trounce Manchester City 5-1 [ a conspiracy of our enemies, perhaps?]. But some joy - Liverpool lost to Steve Bruce's Birmingham 2-1. Perhaps a small consolation for Liverpool fans - at least Michael Owen now knows the ball must go between the posts into the net, and not to either side of it.
Signing off now; the BAFTA's await!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/22/2003 06:28:00 PM
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BODY:
Sorted!
We went to view the house that we plan to rent beginning this summer this morning. First up, the location was superb. The house is off Scotforth Road, which is one of the main roads in Lancaster, and specifically, it was only a minute's walk from the house to the main road itself. Across the main road was a Florists, a newsagents, a computer shop [Yes!], a DVD / Video rental shop [Double Yes!] and a Launderette. And the bus stop was not too far away. Things were looking good.
We approached the house, which was on a cul-de-sac [which means, literally, a road with a dead end]. From the outside it wasn't overly impressive - the front bit was unkempt - but as we walked in, we fell in love. The house has three large bedrooms - and a small one which is about the size of a room at Grizedale, I guess - that serves as a guest room. So actually we were getting four rooms for the price of three! The decor and ambiance had a warm, fuzzy, home feeling to it. The kitchen was modern and well-equipped; the all-important washing machine, and there even was room out back for a shed and perhaps some laundry drying space [if the sun ever decides to shine].
To our dismay, though, a few other people also wanted the house; and it was up to Trevor the Landlord to make his mind up. We were quite keen on the house, though - and pretty much would have been quite depressed if we didn't get it, but Alhamdulillah, we did! For me, it wasn't the house as much as was the location - bus stop 50 metres away from my front door, shops all round, plus it being in a very good area that academics tend to live in. I won't be the one with the car, so I'd rather have an alternative means of transport [i.e. the bus].
Anyways, hope all will be settled. We move in during the first week of July; to a life of better rent-to-space ratio, at least!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/22/2003 12:37:35 AM
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BODY:
Time Warp
My first ever PC was an Atari 800XL, but the one on which I've played the most games on was my Amstrad CPC 464. So imagine my delight and joy when I found out about emulators! I knew about console emulators, but only recently did I find out that most of the computer systems of the 80's, namely Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum and the Amiga, to name but three, could also be emulated on a normal 32-bit Windows machine.
Of course I started seeking for them on the web as soon as feasible - I tried out a few and finally opted for the CPCE. The game I downloaded? Space Hawks. It's a basic shoot 'em up arcade which had me playing for ages on end when I was a kid; simple premise, but purely addictive. Spent most of the night playing on it. I have yet to reach the heights that I did way back when I was all of 9 years old; but hey, with practice.. I'll get there!
Next games to look for? Yie Ar Kung Fu and Green Beret..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/21/2003 01:20:06 PM
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BODY:
You learn a new thing everyday
My colleague Paolo taught me something useful. As PhD students, we tend to print a lot of journal articles, ranging from those that are 20 pages long to those that go way beyond 100 pages long. So if we were to print 100 pages, imagine the amount of paper! It's a good thing we are on a free printing budget.
Anyway, Paolo's taught me how to print two pages on one piece of paper. Yes, you technophobes out there would already have figured this out, but hey, I am unsophisticated in ways of printing; and I offer these pages of mine to educate the masses as well as to be an outlet for ranting and screaming. I do suspect it depends on the type of printer you have more than anything else - we use HP Laserjets at Lancaster; and I suppose so does most of the rest of the world.
So here's my step by step tutorial:
1. Go to File: Print. This demo is based on MS Word, although I normally use this function in Adobe Acrobat [.pdf files]. It seems to work with most, if not all, applications - Excel, Access, Word etc.
![Gambar rumah [bukan rumah sebenar]](http://www.lancs.ac.uk/postgrad/zakaria/house.jpg)
Fact: £500 is measly. A sandwich costs £2, on average. A proper meal in a restaurant costs £7 per person, on average. A big mac [not that it is Halal, but I'm putting it here as a common basis of comparison] costs £2.99, I think. So the purchasing power of £1 is really not that much different from the purchasing power of RM1. Therefore imagine having to live on RM500 back home. Rich? I don't think so. Did I mention that room rental takes up a significant proportion of that £500?
Which is why a few of us are considering moving off-campus come summer. We've done the maths, and it comes out a lot cheaper. Given that the money Lancaster pays me is fixed; it would be beneficial for us to minimise living costs as the cost of on-campus housing increases. We're looking at a house in Scotforth, about 2 miles from the Uni, on Saturday. The description sounds lovely. It's on the main road, and buses go past it at least every 15 minutes. I hope we like the house, and the house likes us too.
Sky Sports... here I come .. hehhehhee
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/19/2003 10:57:41 PM
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BODY:
Not a good year to forget, it seems, because this year, for the first time since in 37 years, a Malaysian came out tops. Hafiz Hashim, 20 and admittedly a lot better looking that his brother Roslin, beat current World No. 1 Chen Hong in straight sets. Hafiz is currently No. 31 in the world, and with his win, became the first unseeded player in 15 years to win the tournament.
Personally, if I were to choose one player who had the potential, it would have been Hafiz because he seems to have an edge where our other shuttlers are sorely lacking - mental strength. He is now aiming for the World Championships, also to be held in Birmingham this May. The date is clearly marked on my calendar, and maybe this time, I'll get the timing right, and the tickets too!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/19/2003 01:37:42 PM
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BODY:
Rezeki
Alhamdulillah, rezeki murah tengah hari ni. Ada orang hantar makanan special masa lunch - ada murtabak, roti canai, kuah kari dan SADIN! Aku dengan maju jayanya polish everything yang ada.. nasib baik officemate Jeffrey takde dua hari ni - ke London jumpa kawan dia. Puaslah aku melantak dalam office. Lepas tu terus bukak tingkap sikit sebab takut ada kesan-kesan.. hehe.
Sebenarnya, roti canai & murtabak tu yang segera.. bukanlah authentic ada orang putar kat rumah pagi ni. Tapi bagi aku, yang dah sekian lama tak menjamah, suatu perubahan dalam rutin makanan harian aku yang ntah apa-apa... bak kata flat mate aku, aku ni tiap-tiap hari makan ikan yang digrill berkuahkan kari [Yes Ramzi, kari aubergine yang ko suka sangat tu... ]
Macam ni lah hidup anak rantau - benda yang diperlekehkan di Malaysia, menjadi sesuatu yang sungguh besar maknanya.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/18/2003 03:21:47 PM
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BODY:
Musings
Today is one of THOSE days. Days when I look walk out of my room and venture into what seems like sunshine, only to be greeted by gusts of wind that is both biting and chilling. And on days like these, I wonder what got into me that made me leave sunny, tropical, 30-degrees-Celcius-everyday Malaysia for the unpredictable, dreary, gloomy weather of Britain in general, and Lancaster in particular.
As much as I would like to attribute it to a moment of madness, it isn't my common sense [ or rather, the lack of it] that is to blame. There are fetching, endearing attributes to this wet, almost-coastal town that made me want to come back here after being away for only a year. This is my second time round in Lancaster, after being here two years ago doing my Masters degree. When I was deciding as to where to go for my PhD, I figured Lancaster was really the obvious choice, at least for me.
For one thing, I enjoy being part of the education system that is in place in the UK. Okay, perhaps not so much the oft-criticised structure or the fees [perhaps now is a good time to note that even with top-up fees, international students still pay almost 100% more than home students, if not more!], but more so the spirit of the quest for knowledge. There seems to be a laidback, relaxed attitude - and I mean this in a good way - about being at university. People are here for an education in both the academic and non-academic aspects. There is no pressured, dog-eat-dog, rat race feel towards getting top grades or having to be the best all the time; at the end of the day everyone knows social skills, extra-curricular activities and generally having a 'life' at university add up just as much to getting a good job as do top grades - and so there seems to be a lot of balance. As a research student, I find that there is a more developed research culture as well; and that was one of the reasons why I chose to come back here.
But all that, one can find at any established university within the UK, or even the US. Why Lancaster though? This may seem bizarre to some, but I chose Lancaster because it is a quiet town [okay, city] without much going on; and it is a 'city' that thrives on student life. Which means the people who actually live here are used to having people of different race and culture living amongst them. Racial tolerance is very important to me. Being Asian and a Muslim, the past year or so hasn't been the most kind for us living in the West. Stereotypes are in abundance, and the US has begun racial profiling.
But in Lancaster, I feel safe. In the total year and a little bit that I've lived here, I have only been subjected to racial abuse once - and that was in Preston, which, at that time, still not a city, hence the small-mindedness of the folk living there then, one presumes. I have not yet been refused service, scorned upon or being made fun of for what I wear [I adhere to a moderate Muslim code of dress]; and that means a lot to me. Generally, even if people may have their own personal sentiments, to date they keep it to themselves, as I I play sports, and to date, I have yet to be refused from representing the university because of my attire [and no, it is not chess or scrabble that I play]. To a certain extent, dare I say it, there seems to be more tolerance here, in some respects, then back home - and that does really leave me with a liberalised feeling.
Something that most students tend to complain about Lancaster is the relative lacking of nightspots or places for a good night out. That doesn't bother me much; I don't drink and I don't like clubbing, so the lack of things like that don't make much of a difference to me. A good night out for me and a group of friends is a nice meal somewhere followed by a movie, bowling or laser quest; all of which are available either in town or the nearby glorious seaside resort of Morecambe. One could say bigger cities like Manchester, Glasgow or London would offer all of the above plus more; but then big cities don't offer me solitude and racial tolerance.
Having said all that, though, there isn't much difference between what the average British student gets up to, and what his Malaysian peer does. Malaysia, with a little over 50% Muslim population, probably do not share the drinking culture that we observe here; but the general idea of hanging out with your mates into the morning hours is still much applied. If British students hang out at pubs and drink beer, Malaysian students tend to hang out at roadside stalls and open-air restaurants, some of which are open 24 hours a day, and drink tea! Mind you, this is a special kind of tea, called teh tarik in Malay and has no direct literal English translation. Apart from not ending up drunk and smashed, the 'hang-out' concept is much applied; and it is perhaps this aspect of Malaysian student life that I do miss sometimes, given the lack of non-alcoholic hang-out places around.
Probably the only other minor gripe that I have is that apart from Christmas time, shops close too early! If, back home, I could still venture out after work and do some serious shopping till, say, 9pm, it is not possible to do that here. So unless I do my shopping on Saturday, when it seems the whole of Lancaster, Morecambe and Kirkby Lonsdale decide to converge on the city centre, there isn't much chance for me to do so on a normal, 9-5 working day. Not that I should be thinking about shopping, because I should be focusing on the studying.
But hey, I'm not complaining, and I'm not fretting. I made a conscious decision to come here, and while one should take the good with the bad, there is certainly a lot more good going round!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/18/2003 08:50:36 AM
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BODY:
Beckhams in the news
If you have been anywhere near England [or the BBC / Soccernet website] of late, you would have heard of THAT kick of THAT boot which caused THAT injury. But in case you haven't, I'll provide some links. Anyways, this is a development of sorts. Clearly, like myself, Sir Alex has still not gotten over the whole defeat to Arsenal fiasco, and the event has taken things to the extreme. For one, our kid David hasn't had the best of relationships with Sir Alex; theirs is often a turbulent father-son relationship; and sometimes father-son relationships are harder to heal when a rift comes in between.
According to authoritative sources such as the Sun - Beckham is livid, and the Daily Star says Posh wants him to leave. While all this is just as much tabloid fodder as it is the truth, what is sure is that their [ Becks and Fergie, that is; and not Posh and Becks] relationship is now more on the rocks than ever. They have had disputes in the past, but this one seems to take the cake. It'd be interesting to see who grovels in the ultimate clash of egos.
And on a lighter note, Mrs. Beckham is also worthy of mention here - for she successfully organised a reunion dinner for the Spice Girls last night! There is even talk of a reunion tour.. This is all great news for me - the closet Spice Girls fan - now that I'm in the UK. Or.. have I just shot my reputation to kingdom come with that statement?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/17/2003 07:12:42 PM
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BODY:
"Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear" - Alan Coren
Never have been I been so cynical about democracy than over this past weekend. A record breaking war protest march was held in London, Glasgow and various other locations within the country [albeit to a smaller scale]. It was estimated that over 2 million people took to the streets in the UK; making their voices heard. But what say those who heard it? Something to the tune of, "At least these people live in a country where their voices CAN be heard". Apparently, democracy also allows those in power the choice not to hear what the masses are screaming at them.
What, then, is the point? Perhaps those who chose to march have now eased their conscience by saying, "Hey.. we tried.."; and justifiably so. But what difference does it make? [On a personal note, I did have plans to attend the protest, only to be hindered by some unforeseen circumstance]. As a child and a teenager I yearned for the opportunity to make a difference - it seems that unless I am miraculously elected as the President of the United States, any minor effort that I make would not as much cause a ripple in the fabric.
Perhaps if this war does go ahead, after it all, we can put Saddam Hussein, Tony Blair and George Bush on trial at the Hague for the committing the crime that led to lives - and innocence - lost.
Just a short note; in the Financial Times today there was a world map showing the locations of worldwide protests last weekend. Kuala Lumpur managed to rank joint last in terms of numbers - a mere 500 people showed up. You would think there are at least thrice that number registered as Keadilan members; and they are no strangers to taking to the streets. How easy it is to lose focus and gain apathy when you don't see things in your own backyard.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/17/2003 12:33:29 AM
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BODY:
Things bored PhD students do on a Boring Sunday Evening
As is evident - I managed to mess about with the layout; and it seems like it works. If you find any weird, broken links, drop me a line and I'll fix it. Tonight was a mixed nights of sorts - finished the department's intranet website and also prepared a quotation for the claim for payment. Quite impressed with it, if I may say so myself. The design is simplified - some Javascript to spruce do the expandable menus; apart from that majorly just working with frames and making sure they work.
Mengikut perancangan awal, nak masak awal sikit hari ni sebab kata salah seorang housemate aku, dia ada dinner party malam ni, start jam 8.30. Aku menjenguk ke dapur jam 6 ptg, diorang dah conquer dah dapurnya.Yang tak sedapnya, main ikut suka ajer gunapakai periuk belanga orang. Setakat aku ada kat situ tadi, diorang memang cakap tak pakai la aku punya; tapi member aku yang Singaporean tu bengang gak sebab yang guna periuk dia tu.. diorang masak daging khinzir. Member aku tu agama dia Hindu, tapi selain dari daging lembu, khinzir pun dia tak sentuh gak. Aku cuak gak ni; kalau aku nampak diorang pakai periuk atau pinggan mangkuk aku.. jawabnya beli baru la esok. Memang la boleh samak; tapi aku masih kurang selesa makan dalam pinggan bekas khinzir.
So I ended up going to South End Stores; initially to pick up some cough linctus - they ran out [which is a good indication of the current state of health of Lancaster University students at the moment] so I trudged all the way to Spar. Alang-alang tu, belilah something to eat at Popeye's since I was technically 'locked' out of my kitchen. Terserempak dengan Jas - cerita kat dia nasibku yang malang dan dapat jemputan dinner di Bardsea; tapi seganlah - banyak sungguh hari menempek kat atas sana, malu lah plak dah aku nie. Patutnya aku yang tua, aku yang masak etc. Ini terbalik. Lagipun, kan saya ni pemalu.. kan kan kan?
Alang-alang dah sampai South End Stores tu, aku sewa DVD satu - Mike Basset England Manager. Apa yang menarik? Sebab movie ni dia buat style documentary dengan Martin Bashir - who, of late, has been in the news regarding THE Michael Jackson interview.Not a bad movie all in all; takdelah menarik sangat tapi kelakar and a satirical look at the world of football management.
Lepas tengok movie tu lah aku redesign weblog nie.. jeng jeng jeng ...
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/16/2003 03:46:14 PM
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BODY:
"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in" - George McGovern
All in all, the weekend has been kind. Spent most of yesterday cooking for the Malaysian Soc Aidiladha / GongXi Raya do at Cartmel SCR. Was 'roped' in by the Bardsea gang to help them with the rice. Not as hard as last time, this - just plain rice, with extensive use of the rice cooker [and Kak Aiza's massive pot].
The whole thing started at about 6pm; dressed to the sevens (didn't quite reach the nines) and generally had a good time. The menu was superb; for one there was daging bakar and air asam; something I thought I would have needed to wait some 3 years before I could ever get round to having some!
Slept over last night and trudged back to Graduate at 10am - only to find that the boiler was broken. Cold water = no shower = blerghh.
Sports training at 1pm; came back and gladly found the boiler was working again. Not much to be done today; perhaps I will work on the department intranet website for the rest of today.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/14/2003 10:17:52 AM
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BODY:
Terfikir
When was the last time...
... I called home?
... I called my friends back home?
... I stopped to think about other people before thinking about myself?
... I spent an unforced amount of time in a conversation with Allah?
... I performed the solat sunat after the solat wajib?
... I read the Quran for proper guidance, meanings and all?
... I said thank you to the people that mattered?
... I said thank you to Allah?
... I was grateful for anything?
... I stopped complaining?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/13/2003 10:01:45 PM
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BODY:
Sambungan..
And so that was how I got involved into the whole debating scene. The team for the 1993 PPM was myself, Aniza Azizuddin, Farah Kamal and Almahera Idris. For the most part, I was the reserve; it made sense - teaching me the tools of the trade as I went along, but not really risking putting me into the line of fire because I was too fresh. When Aniza and Farah left that year, Noi and Sharifah Ratina were drafted in - at this point I suddenly found myself from being reserve-non-grata to first speaker; quite a jump I must say.
Did we scale the heights of glory? Not really, no.. the furthest we made it was to the semi-finals in 1993 (SMSAH) when we lost to KTK. That was quite a hard blow for us; I personally thought we had a more polished delivery, better points and the audience were on our side; pity the judges weren't, and at the end of the day that was what mattered most.
The 1994 PPM (SDAR) was mostly a joke. We came to SDAR as the Southern Zone Champions, just like the previous year, and expected a good run - a shock loss to SMS Miri in the prelims ensured a rematch of last year's semi-finalists again; and it being in Seremban and all.. and the fact that we were nowhere near the side of the past few years worked to our disadvantage. Down and out in the first round; an abrupt end to my career as a PPM debater. I don't know what I did wrong as team leader that year; perhaps I was too non-committal or lacked the self-belief of the previous captains that steered their teams to glory; but I accepted the fact that I failed.
While my contributions to debate were minimal, debating actually did a lot of good for me. I learned to lose my stage fright and most importantly, how to stand in front of a few hundred people, talking utter bull, but with maximum conviction and self-belief - an invaluable asset as an academician. I also learned how to question ideas and theories; how to never be happy with the status quo and not to accept things as given; and also the discipline of hard work, reading and checking my facts - attributes that I think brought me to where I am today.
In 1994, we brought along one Budi Aslinie - whom I think served as the basis of the STF debating team of the forthcoming years. The girls did win the much-coveted trophy a few years later, much to my pride - but apart from the link through Budi, I doubt our team had anything to do with their great achievements. Perhaps Budi picked up what we did and listed them as what NOT to do to get a win; I dunno.. but it sure worked.
It worked out for the better in the end. I learnt quite a bit about stereotyping as well - I used to think that debaters were geeks or nerds who worked too hard; my own experience proved otherwise. There were no people who could match the sharp, dry wit of my fellow debaters - and the barbs we continously traded was as refreshing as it gave me a new leash of spirit in my literary pursuits.
I have been writing since I was 7, but that side of me somehow was lost as I got more and more involved into sports - after all, jocks - even female ones - were not expected to be smart or to possess any literary skills - it was all we could do to learn to read. Being with these people and learning to look beyond stereotypes allowed me to learn to accept their individualities, and more so, accepting mine as well.
One of my fellow debaters was very much into writing; and with her encouragement I rekindled my relationship with the written word - and I'm glad I did.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/13/2003 11:37:57 AM
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BODY:
Mengapakah?
There is a conspiracy theory that puts Osama bin Laden as an undercover CIA agent - I half believe this. Dubya wants to fight Daddy's war, and all this plays into his hands perfectly. If Osama is a CIA undercover agent [which explains why the so-called super intelligent American Intelligence haven't quite managed to keep up with him] then he is also doing a world of 'good' in making people go against Muslims.
I hope he isn't though; while I disagree with his violent and aggressive tactics [think about this - with these tactics, any one of us, Muslim or otherwise, could fall prey to a dirty bomb or nuclear attack, because they haven't got the resources to evacuate us first, have they?] he has managed to highlight the plight of the Palestinians and people are more and more aware of Israel as an equally guilty, arms-harboring, nation which the US does nothing against.
Now it's up to the rest of us Muslims to open our eyes and try to find ways to resolve things amicably, in a manner that upholds the true meaning of Islam - peace.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/11/2003 04:17:31 PM
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BODY:
Yes! Yes! Dapat Kerja Lagi..
Woke up to the sound of the alarm at 7am; arghh.. mengantuknya! I probably got the better part of 5 hours sleep last night - was, and am, totally knackered. Nak tak nak kena bangun jugak tapi; sebab nak solat subuh, iron baju dan pergi solat sunat AidilAdha. Mengikut announcement Islamic Soc, solat sunat bermula jam 8.15am. Aku budget, maybe be 8.30am start sebab kat Malaysia selalu gitulah; tapi sini UK.. tak boleh buat assumption macam tu.. sampai jam 8.25am orang solat.. aku terus masbuk ajer.. tak sure pun rakaat berapa. Nasib baik rakaat pertama lagi.
Gi solat sunat pagi ni tak pakai baju raya - sebab nak terus ke office and aku agak malas berbaju kurung kat office. Cukuplah kat Malaysia kena buat macam tu; kurang-kurangnya kat sini aku tak melaram pun orang tak sound. Tapi still pakai smart la.. blouse and slacks.. hari ni jeans and sweater aku pun raya gak.. so bagi diorang cuti. Nanti malam karang masa majlis makan-makan Islamic Soc aku melawa lah. 
Pelik jugak aku sebenarnya, sebab berdasarkan pengalaman aku lah.. kalau aku raya jauh-jauh macam duduk kat UK ni, cukup bersemangat nak buat solat sunat hari raya. Kalau di Malaysia tu, seribu satu alasan aku bagi tak nak ke masjid. Kenapa ek? Kat Malaysia syaitan lagi besar ke? Dari semua aspek macam gitu; kat sinilah yang bersemangat nak mengaji lepas solat, nak buat solat sunat... kalau kat Malaysia sana cukup liat! Lagi satu kalau di Malaysia; kalau bermusafir - ada ajer alasan sesiapa sajelah tak solat sebab takde telekung la.. itulah, inilah.. kat sini selamba ajer solat tepi jalan dengan coat sebagai alas. Kira cukup syarat tutup aurat ... dah boleh solat.
Anyways, itu pengamatan pasal raya. Hari ni dapat 'kerja' baru - Aneel mintak tolong aku jadi RA dia for a paper yang dia tengah buat dengan Steve. Member aku Valentine pun is working on one set of the data, so aku akan buat lagi satu set. Alhamdulillah rezeki. Silap-silap cukup pulak duit nak balik summer ni. Itulah Uniten.. amiklah duit bonus aku tu kalau korang teringin sangat duit yang aku tak halalkan tu. Allah Maha Pemurah - rezeki di bumiNya ada di mana-mana.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/11/2003 12:23:41 AM
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BODY:
Selamat Hari Raya AidilAdha
As is always, we get to celebrate Hari Raya before Malaysia does. Not a whole day in advance though - just 16 hours if you start counting at midnight; and a mere 8 hours if you start counting after the solat. Not that there is much on the agenda; Solat Sunat AidilAdha at 8.15am at the mosque followed by morning breakfast there as well. Then it's off to work till about 5pm; which is when training starts. After which I will rush back for a quick shower and it's off to the mosque again for the Islamic Society meal / dinner / feast - whichever suits your fancy.
A full day at work today ; dawdled in at 9am and didn't really start work until about 10.30am since both Acat and Ulya were online. It's always good to be here in the UK, but I must remember to touch base with the people at home as well. Thought-provoking conversation with Acat regarding his recent loss - I can only even begin to understand the turmoil and emotional rollercoaster he is going through; and I will never say that I do understand, because fact is, as of right now, I don't. It's always easy for us to say we empathise or we know how people feel.. but do we really? Everyhting's just a guess if you're not in that person's shoes; and even if you are in his shoes, how well does it really fit anyway?
It's also always easy to get by by saying things we think people want to hear; where was sometimes the best thing to say is actually the truth. Trying too hard to please everyone will get you nowhere, and sometimes will trap you in circumstances which you tried to get out of in the first place - lesson of the weekend.
Managed to finish the presentation today - Alhamdulillah, slides and all - and also had a quick glance through the tutorials for this week. Now am working on the framework of what I am supposed to be discussing with Peter on Friday. Hopefully all goes well this week; it is supposed to be hectic and it already has been! Had to go to town today to settle some of my dad's bills; headed back to school afterwards to find Aneel working with Jeffrey.
Hajat di hati, nak terus turun bertakbir straight dari ofis; tapi ada panggilan untuk bersantap - last-last tu 
chord with me; sort of reminded me of someone who, in some ways, embodies the kind of man I am looking for - respects my independence, appreciates our differences, makes me laugh and is comfortable with his own insecurities while at the same time helping me overcome mine - it's just that he is not attracted to me in THAT way, and I guess his sentiments mirror mine. Many people have asked me why we haven't ended up together; my answer is that too much of a good thing can also be bad. Although admittedly, parts of that movie did make me think of him; the first time in ages, I might add. Which is not a bad thing - I have now earned the right and the excuse to listen to broody songs tonight.
Ok.. what else about the movie.. hmm.. the ending was a bit corny; I sort of don't buy into the confession, public letter reading / poetry reading confession style endings - a major flaw in most of my favourite romantic comedies : Notting Hill (the I am just a girl standing in front of a boy bit), 10 Things I Hate About You (the I hate the way you wear your hair yadda yadda bit), Pretty Woman (the opera song blaring through the limo bit) ; you get my drift. If it were up to me, Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You would have said, to Heath Ledger, something to the tone of, "You bastard, I'm in love with you. Deal with it." There is, of course a reason why I am here doing my PhD and screen writers are making mega bucks in Hollywood. But nonetheless, Two Weeks Notice was an enjoyable movie overall - too familiar at times but fun nonetheless.
Just for fun, I thought I'd put in the lyrics of one of my favourite brooding songs here - it's called Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms, an Arizona band who have since split up and are now playing together again. They made great upbeat music to be melancholic to. This particular song was written by their guitarist Doug Hopkins, who, if I recall correctly, committed suicide just after the band hit it big with their album 'New Miserable Experience'. Figures.
Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Tell me do you think it'd be alright
If I could Just crash here tonight
As you see I'm in no shape for drivin'
And any way I 've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I ever had
I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might no be alone
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take it's place
Hey jealousy Hey jealousy
Hey Jealousy Hey Jealousy
You can trust me not to drink
And not to sleep around
And if you don't expect too much form me
You might not be let down
Cos all I really want's to be with you
And feel like I matter too
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/8/2003 05:03:09 PM
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BODY:
Working weekend
Tengah tengok results bola sambil-sambil update weblog petang ni. Yang jelas, Boro seri dengan Liverpool kat Anfield; and Preston North End kalahkan Millwall 2-1. Man Utd lawan Man City esok ; a revenge derby of sorts since United lost 3-1 at Maine Road earlier this season.
Malam ni takde dikir barat; instead we are going out to catch 2 Weeks Notice at the Regal Cinema (formerly known as the ABC Cinema) in Lancaster. For sure aku ngan Ana akan keluar awal sikit sebab nak makan Indian food kat Moghul's. The first night in weeks that I am free on a Saturday night - and I get to miss Ant and Dec again!
Lots of things on my mind but can't jot them down right now; most probably later after the movie - aku nak solat Maghrib and gerak ke bandar.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/6/2003 12:09:48 AM
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BODY:
Khas untuk orang Lancaster
Entry ini, saya tujukan khas buat orang-orang Lancaster yang sudi membaca weblog saya yang tak seberapa ini, dengan ucapan - 'Row row row your boat.. gently down the stream.... '
Just finished watching Pretty Woman on ITV1; one of those movies that forms part of my STF zeitgeist. It was the most talked about movie when I started STF in 1990 - so much so that I parted with RM1 to watch a very bad video copy of the movie in the Co-op Video Room despite having no idea who Julia Roberts or Richard Gere were. To be frightfully truthful, I have never seen the movie in its entirety until tonight. But it still owns a repertoir of brilliant songs on its soundtrack that still acts as my own personal collection of songs to remember 1990 by - It Must Have Been Love (Roxette), King of Wishful Thinking (Go West) and the classic Fallen.
One of my favourite quotes from the movie :
Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.
Edward Lewis: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.
Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?
Went to Preston today; me, stuffed nose, chapped lips and all. Part of it was preplanned, the other pretty impulsive - needed to walk the disbelief of the news I received this morning out of my system. Still can't believe they are trying to withhold what I rightfully and respectfully earned; hey - who braved the early mornings driving through not one, not two but three states every Monday and back again every Friday just to make somebody's political aspirations come true? Who had to live out of a car for four bloody months just because some people find it easier to relocate the blame rather than solve the problem? I should be getting double pay just for acting like life was normal when everything was so screwed up, never mind going through the motions. Is what they are doing even legal?
Never mind. Forget it - the more I dwell on it, the more the anger manifests and that's never any good. Point is; if you're wondering how I've become bitter, hardened and wary, well, here's part of the answer. 
Lagipun, ramai lagi orang yang kurang bernasib baik kalau compare dengan aku. At least aku boleh hidup dan makan kat sini tak usik duit kat Malaysia; at least aku ada peluang untuk escape dari Muadzam; at least aku ada rezeki nak dapat study kat sini. Kita ni kadang-kadang, asyik terfikir nasib malang yang timpa kita sampai terlupa nikmat-nikmat lain yang Allah kurniakan. Memang betul ; the bad's stuff is just easier, kan?
Anyway, back to Preston: managed, with the aid of my trusty vouchers, to buy 4 DVDs by only coughing up ten quid. Movies I've always wanted to see - mostly mindless romantic comedy stuff that takes my head away from my save-the-world crusades that I do during the day; plus a Simpsons DVD. Also managed to grab a few bargain items - duvet cover and three shirts/blouses for a steal. Came back from Preston, and got Abang Ijan to reformat my hard drive - now am working on a leaner, meaner, fitter machine. Called Syed in Hull to get the real lowdown on my Bonusgate; suddenly found my temperature shooting up. Nasib baik ada Lemsip. Mmmm... sedap Lemsip!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/4/2003 09:54:52 AM
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BODY:
Majikan tercinta
Khabar yang baru aku terima - walaupun semua colleagues aku dah dapat bonus, kami bertiga yang dapat alternative funding di UK ni tak dicreditkan wang bonus sebab diorang nak bagi "bila kitorang dah balik nanti". Funny. Masa buat Masters dulu takde plak hal cam ni. Even from thousands of miles away, they are still screwing me.
Sayang sungguh aku kat diorang. Takpelah. You can keep your money. Kemahuan aku untuk balik dan serve semakin berkurangan.
Takpe. Kita tunggu maklumat rasmi dari diorang - kalau ada la kan maklumat rasmi. Biasanya takde makluman secara rasmi - that's not the way they operate. They screw you, and you're left gaping and gawking; and stuck in the middle of nowhere. ********.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/3/2003 11:14:12 PM
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BODY:
Hidungku yang hilang
![](http://www.lancs.ac.uk/postgrad/zakaria/web.jpg")
Baru settle sebahagian daripada website intranet department aku yang aku tolong bangunkan; kerja berbayar yang juga merupakan stress relief therapy.. hehe. Tadi aku tunjuk rangka website tu pada Martien, department aku nyer IT rep (and bekas lecturer aku). Nampaknya dia berpuas hati; begitu juga dengan Peter, HOD merangkap supervisor aku. Cuak gak aku nak buat lawa-lawa website tu, karang bising plak supervisor aku - buat kerja lain boleh, kerja PhD tak jalan.
Tapi tadi aku ada meeting dengan dia; all went well - we all dah dapat narrow down what we want to do so mission aku dalam pada masa sekarang ni ialah trying to determine the framework of corporate governance as a whole; and then decide apa relevant performance measures. Once we can define how to measure corporate governance performance - then banyak la kitorang boleh buat nanti.
Hidungku aku, aku rasa dah hilang. Tak dapat rasa kewujudan dia. Bernafas sekarang pun ternganga-nganga. Setelah sekian lama aku bergaduh dengan antibodi badan aku, aku rasa aku dah tewas sikit. Selsema sudah terasa; walaupun takde demam dan so far takde batuk.
Cuaca seminggu dua ni tak menentu - semua orang dah terjelepuk at one point or another. Alhamdulillah dah banyak hari aku gagah ga; sudah sampai masa untuk aku tewas, dan sedikit sebanyak menerima peringatan dari Allah tentang dosa dan pahala aku yang sentiasa tak seimbang tu.
Just today ada extreme wind and snow - banyak kali la jugak snow turun tapi cepat juga cairnya sebab matahari keluar. Tadi ingatkan nak main snow; jumpa Jiden dengan Dy kat STA - tunggu Dy beli tiket, langsung dah cair snow nyer! Tapi ada la sikit-sikit lagi - kitorang perang saudara kat depan Cartmel. Entah camne ntah, sambil baling-baling snowball tu, terbaling kereta and the alarm went off. Muka sadin ajer lah bergerak dari tempat kejadian, seolah-olah tak bersalah.
Cerita-cerita pasal snow ni, aku SMS dengan Abe di Malaysia. Mulanya, Abe bertanya tentang game United vs Birm esok. Pastu aku SMS dia:
Aku Wey sini snow cam tak ingat. Heh heh heh
Abe: Patutla terasa sejuk kat sini.
Aku: Aku sejuk-sejuk main salji. Ko sejuk-sejuk gi main air bilik mandi ajerlah.
Abe: Aku tak heranlah. Aku tengah buat snowman
Aku: Ko buat snowman dalam peti ais sape?
Abe: Peti ais ketua warden.
Sekian, terima kasih, bicara yang sungguh ntah apa-apa dan takde haluan serta serba mengarut dari kami dua beradik.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 2/3/2003 11:45:05 AM
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BODY:
Monday 3 Feb 1145 hrs
It is snowing heavily. Too windy though, for any to stick. Makes a nice viewing change from my window, though.
Masa diorang bagi aku distinction for Masters aku tu, aku selalu gak terfikir; diorang bagi sebab terpaksa kot; sebab aku PhD candidate and aku akan balik ke Malaysia, secure funding and datang sini buat PhD; hence secara tak langsung diorang dapat secure future funds melalui aku.
Tapi bila aku nyer funding plans dari Malaysia fell through; and then Lancaster yang offer scholarship - meaning dia yang akan bayar everything, as in - aku datang belajar tempat dia and dia akan bayar aku untuk belajar guna duit dia.. well.. aku mulai sedikit yakin bahawa distinction yang diorang bagi kat aku tu takdelah a big joke.
So aku kena sedar - aku datang sini orang bayar untuk belajar. Kalau asyik main-main, kalau asyik ikut perasaan - macam mana dengan amanah dan duit yang aku dapat tu? Takkan nak amik ajer duit orang, beli itu beli ini, makan itu makan ini; belajarnya tidak? Kadang-kadang bila kita dah senang, kita lupa pasal orang yang perit cari duit nak make sure ends meet and get an education as well.
Bukan bermaksud aku kena give up my activities ke apa - abah aku pernah cakap, what differentiates between a good university student and an excellent university student is time management. Macam mana kita maximise 24 hours yang kita ada dalam sehari tu. So apa-apa pun, kena maximisekan masa yang ada; dan kurangkan kegiatan-kegiatan kurang berfaedah.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/29/2003 10:36:56 PM
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BODY:
Tongkang Pechah: Poskod 80350 Batu Pahat Johor
Bilik aku sekarang (at the time of writing) macam tongkang pecah, kapal karam dan perkara-perkara yang sama waktu dengannya. Bungkusan dari Malaysia baru sampai tadi; jadi aku lambak aje semua benda atas katil dan lantai. Nanti bila dah ada kudrat aku kemas la. Nak tak nak kena malam ni jugak, kalau tak nak tidur mana, ye tak? 
Tadi petang ada game - beberapa alat kelengkapan kurang lengkap jadi terpaksa tergesa-gesa ke bandar nak lengkapkan. Balik game, masuk seminar kejap, pastu balik bilik terus. Duduk kat office sekejap sangat dua-tiga hari ni. Malas sebab a) internet connection point kena share and b) aku ni jenis orang study multitasking. Kalau boleh sambil study sambil ada some minor distraction. Kalau hadap straight terus menerus, mau tercium meja ajer kerja. So kalau aku offline memanjang; kat opis dah la takde game ke apa.. hmm.. alamatnya tidur lah. Tu yang kerja kat bilik ajer dua-tiga hari ni. Tapi kita nak kena ada kat ofis gak. Sebab takut supervisor or student cari.
Malam tadi plak ada latihan dikir barat lagi. My coordination - as usual, shot to kingdom come. Makin lama makin confuse. Nasib baik karang boleh volunteer main kompang. Actually, with proper practice, I think it's do-able, the whole routine sebenarnya. Cuma hari ni mandom sebab penat. Early night kot tonight. Dah tak larat dah. Esok ada kelas jam 10 pagi - Syed dan Iman antara studentnya. Dah dua sem berturut-turut aku dapat budak Melayu dalam kelas aku.
Apa-apa pun, sebelum tidur, nak kena masukkan satu load washing ke dalam washing machine, dan nak kena settlekan barang-barang yang baru sampai tadi.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/28/2003 11:36:08 AM
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BODY:
Dilemma
I am now in two minds about what I want to do as my PhD thesis. There are two ways out; and I'm not quite sure which is the better choice. One way is to take a generic, menial topic; chuck in some UK / M'sian data - which, in most cases, makes it original by the sheer concept that no one has used the same data set before - churn some numbers, and get a paper that is done within the 3 year limit. The downside of this is that you make a marginal contribution to the discipline and literature; and are quickly forgotten.
Alternatively I could search into something more profound; sort of challenge some of the norms of thought in the area; work towards a real contribution to the theory. The downside of this is that it would take a lot of work; which I myself am not sure is do-able. It would take a lot of effort and there is the risk that I may be over my head in something I am not quite sure I have the expertise to handle.
Case in point - I've sort of decided to work on corporate board of directors as the general topic area. Specifically, if I was to go down the easy way, I could do something like compare BOD practices between UK and Malaysia, US and Malaysia or US and UK. Not been done before, but how much will my findings add to the general theory and understanding of the discipline.
Alternatively, I am quite keen in trying to demystify the concept of why companies are adding more and more non-executive directors on boards, where as empirical evidence points in the opposite direction. There has to be value added within the corporate board composition, even though statiscally this is unproven. In addition, I would quite like to study the idea of an ideal board size - the optimal board size, perhaps. Both areas are not explored in great depth -yet.
The upside - major contribution to the literature, if findings are to be found. And that's what scares me - when asking questions like this, the answers are no longer descriptive and straightforward as a generic survey study; and I run the risk of not having any findings - what, then, is there to show for my PhD? Not to mention the amount of interdisciplinary readings I will have to do - mampu ke aku? Layak ke aku?
Entahlah. Perhaps there are further reaches within my intellect yang aku tak explore lagi. Mungkin, in the end, aku mampu.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/27/2003 09:17:11 AM
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BODY:
Weekend ku weekend ku jua
All in all, not a bad weekend. Saturday morning was spent purchasing the 'toy' as defined below; rest of the day dawdled along in an uneventful manner. Secretly prayed that Farnborough would beat Arsenal; not in this lifetime, though. Gillingham came close with Leeds, but they'll have a replay to sort that out. As usual, my Saturday night was spent most fruitfully by watching Blind Date and Ant and Dec. Hafta start being careful before I become a typical Brit and start watching Eastenders. Dy and Mas came at about 8pm with my dinner; Ana soon called and said we were to have a practice session at Fylde SCR.
The Malaysian Society is putting up a dikir barat for the International Night on 28 Feb; I am way too uncoordinated so I volunteered to be a percussionist. Since the percussions are still stuck in Glasgow; I gave the actual moves a shot - not bad, pretty impressed with myself - but then again my repertoir of skills in this department is not too highly rated, so when I say I was good, it means I knew 75% of the time whether I was to go left or right. Another practice session on Wednesday.
Sunday was so-so; made a proper breakfast for the first time since I arrived here, I think. Watched part of Spy Game on DVD; then laboriously began reading another journal article while waiting for Man Utd to play West Ham. Ana, Khalid and Rai went to watch the game at Old Trafford ; there was actually an extra ticket but funds did not permit my journey. I was a bit anxious, as United have, in the previous two years, succumbed in the fourth round of the FA Cup; to West Ham, no less, in 2001!
But the West Ham of days ayonder were no longer to be seen ; they were totally thrashed and demolished at 6-0; 2 of the goals coming from Monsieur Giggs, no less! Ruud got two, Ole and Phil managed one a piece. Waited for some better news - along the lines of having Liverpool knocked out by Crystal Palace and Chelsea made to eat humble pie by Shrewsbury; but it was not to be. Liverpool have a replay though after a scoreless draw; but Chelsea shot my dreams to outer space by showing Shrewsbury who was boss : 4-0 to the Blues was the final score.
Was changed for bed when Jiden called; a surprise party of sorts for Khalid - who turned 23 yesterday. Trudged all the way to Fylde; only after being reassured that there were escorts for the trip back to Graduate. Khalid, of course, decided that tonight was a good night to hang out at Abang Ijan's place and had to be 'coaxed' back under various pretences for his surprise party. It was worth the effort, though, as he was totally and absolutely surprised - good thing the whole reaction was caught on camera. Good cake, and managed to watch a bit of the Superbowl as well. Not a bad weekend at all!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/26/2003 12:56:13 PM
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BODY:
Mainan baru
Setelah berdolak dalih selama 3 bulan, dan setelah mendapat nasihat dan pendapat dari mak aku, akhirnya aku beli gak DVD player untuk bilik aku. It's a Samsung DVD-S225; and Alhamdulillah, tak sampai £100 pun. I thought it was a good bargain, sebab it plays DVDs, VCDs, audio CDs and also MP3s; and it can read CD-Rs and CD-RWs. The only thing yang aku tak sure is that whether it is multi-region or not; but ada multi-region crack dia kat Internet. Lagipun, since dah duduk lagi 3 tahun kat UK ni, and memang akan beli Region2 DVDs gak.. so aku rasa okaylah.
Weekend so far is good. Won't write loads now, because the football is starting and I need to concentrate.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/24/2003 11:44:19 PM
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BODY:
Too knackered to write
Just came back from the now-weekly sports session of the Malaysian Soc. I find myself getting more and more competitive when it comes to matters like this - my innate desire to win is starting to sneak through; even though I know it's just a game and no one really wins anyway. Am now knackered, exhausted and nursing that recurring snag in my right leg. I sort of knew it was going to be uncomfortable anyway; but I didn't really want to pass up the opportunity. Main dulu, yang lain pikir kemudian. Memang aku sedar, aku tak reti duduk diam.
Anonymous Surfer
Saudara/i anonymous surfer ni banyak komen membina dalam guestbook aku. Banyak yang benarnya dia kata; dan banyak yang membuat aku terfikir sejenak dan dua jenak. Sebenarnya, dalam kehidupan seharian aku, aku cuba gak nak tunjukkan kat Mat Salleh cara kehidupan Islam yang penuh dengan kesederhanaan dan kemuliaan; cuba nak ubah persepsi diorang bahawa orang Islam ni tak kasar atau ganas sepertimana yang ditonjolkan oleh media. Berjaya ke tidak aku tak tahulah usaha aku ni.
Aku rasa diorang memang lagi kasar - just today ada mamat Cyprus yang lagak macam nak tampar junior aku, hanya sebab junior aku tanya dia kenapa dia potong line. Yang merusuh stadium sampai mati orang yang nak tengok bola sapa? Bangsa-bangsa Eropah jugak. Tapi memang orang Islam yang selalu dapat nama buruk.
Maybe sebab diorang nampak Islam ni pelik dan diorang takut. Jadi daripada diorang fahami, baik diorang burukkan. Cam kita gaklah; kalau ada mamat atau minah yang pelik dalam kelas kita ke; kita selalu assume macam-macam dan cakap macam-macam pasal dia; padahal mungkin dia sebaliknya.
Kenapa diorang nampak Islam macam pelik? Pada firasat aku, sebab diorang sekarang ni tak ramai dah yang ada pegangan. The concept of faith totally defeats them; it is not something they can relate to, and it is not something they understand. Sebab tu ada sorang secretary kat opis aku tanya pasal puasa; dia tanya, betul ke kitorang puasa, ke curi-curi makan gak? Aku mulanya nak terangkan kat dia konsep di mana kalau walaupun orang tak nampak, tapi Tuhan nampak; tapi malas nak bercerita panjang lebar. Sebab kalau dia familiar dengan konsep iman, dia takkan tanya pun soalan gitu. So last-last aku gelak aje, aku cakap kat dia, aku tak curi-curi, memang betul-betul puasa. Dia macam muka tak caya ajer.
Kadang-kadang diorang complain, kitorang tak berapa suka nak bercampur dengan diorang kalau bersosial. Yelah, camne nak join? Diorang bersosial di bar, di pub. Minum. Minum. Minum. Did I mention their whole lives drives revolves around alcohol? Uni aku ni; kalau nak promote kat orang luar - selling point diorang : we have 9 bars all on campus. Antara agenda penting kelab-kelab diorang is a campus bar crawl. Macam mana kitorang nak join? Diorang ni tak reti nak gi bandar tengok wayang ke, theater ke.. tanpa minum sebelum atau selepas. Abis tu, macam mana?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/22/2003 09:21:10 PM
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BODY:
Where is justice?
Another piece of lopsided reporting today, courtesy of the BBC. On the 6 O'Clock News tonight, they did a feature about an Israeli father who lost his ex-wife and two sons when a Palestinian gunman ran amok at a kibbutz and killed 5 people. The interview was meant to show his pain, his anger and how he now feels hopeless; and no longer cares for co-existence.
What a farce. First of all, there was no proof that the gunman wasn't insane - at least not given in this report here. The difference is, that if he was insane, was that the attack was one of a madman; and all that is fate, really, although undeniably tragic. But most importantly, the bias I felt was that Palestinians live through that kind of pain every single day. Random Israeli gunmen kill innocent Palestinians on a daily basis - why is no one picking THAT story up? Or, more realistically, even if people picked that story up, would the TV stations show it?
When one wonders what goes through the minds of the suicide bombers; perhaps it would be easier to empathise when you think of how these people have seen their parents and family mercilessly killed by the Israeli army. What is there left to live for, in their psyche, apart from revenge? I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's justified, because technically, suicide is wrong anyway. But it may makes thing easier to understand why they chose to act in such a manner.
Fact is, as always, it is the governments who set the policies, and the people who suffer. Which is why it was refreshing to see many MPs fighting for no top-up fees in Parliament today. Rather than just rubber-stamping every document, there seems to be an earnestness in trying to make a difference; and how everything was thoroughly debated showed some feeling and emotion in the normally stoic and stern stance of these politicians.
Maybe this is the upside of having a government that can truly be ousted at an election.
CSS
I've decided to take up a new 'hobby'. Learning how to program websites using CSS. Let's see how long this one fares. I managed to get a job at the department - redesigning the department's intranet database website. I've got a few good ideas that I could test CSS with; but we'll see how things go. The job pays okay and it's not like it's fixed hours or anything - so I am free to work at my leisure. And I get paid, for the activity that I do as a de-stressing mechanism. Not bad.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/21/2003 09:14:33 PM
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BODY:
Hari yang agak penuh
Masuk ke opis lambat sikit hari ni. Tu pun sebab ada meeting dengan Prof. Dharan pagi ni - semua budak PhD in Accounting wajib hadir. Informative jugaklah session dengan dia. Dapat sedikit insight dalam issue-issue terkini. Paper dia interesting jugak; pasal financial engineering and Enron. Tapi apa yang dia present dalam seminar takde kena mengena sangat dengan Enron. Aku nak tahu lebih lanjut pasal corporate accounting scandals sebenarnya; and it's aftermath.
Aku rasa esok dan seterusnya nak kena kerja kat bilik lah. Sebab sekarang kat office aku dah ada rakan sebilik; dan internet connection datapoint ada satu ajer. Kena share.. leceh gak sebab aku nak byk pakai internet sekarang; nak search, download and print paper. Baik kat bilik gini - kurang-kurangnya tak payah nak share connection. Tapi on the down side, aku kena gak tayang muka kat opis. Sebab takut orang cari. Entahlah.
Sekarang dah disiplinkan diri - kurangkan online dan chatting sampai siap report, jumpa topic dan start critical review. Ikutkan, boleh terbazir sejam dua kalau asyik bermain kat PC aje. Kena limitlah.. maybe sekali atau dua kali seminggu kalau masa office hours. Malam lain cerita.. heheheh.
Komen membina
I got a few favourable comments regarding the statement I made about the hypocrisy of the West. To tell you the truth, there were many, many things I wanted to say about that, but I had to limit myself due to space constraints. I could go on for a few more days, but talk is cheap. Actions speak louder.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/21/2003 09:23:04 AM
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BODY:
Kenapa saya suka hujan
Saya suka hujan sebab hujan tu best. Air memang best. Saya suka main hujan. Saya suka main air.
"When the rain falls down, I am suddenly surrounded by an aura of calmness. I feel as if it's just me - man and nature - the rain. The blowing winds adds to the charismatic feeling of solitude, of an aloneness that is beautiful; unexplainable in words. Every drop of the water is pure, as pure as nature itself."
I wrote that when I was 17, perhaps in an attempt to externalise my feelings as a run-up to the 1119 exams (O-Level English) or something. I still agree with it (although it does sound cheesy and corny).
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/20/2003 07:39:36 PM
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BODY:
The day in review
I woke this morning to the depressing news that the London Met Police last night raided the Finsbury Park Mosque in London. The mosque, had, in the past, been subject to some controversy due to its outspoken cleric, Sheikh Abu Hamza. He today also faces expulsion as the imam of the mosque due to alleged misuse of his position by giving inflamatory sermons, among other things. (Now this latter piece of news reminds me a lot of home!)
The raid was made in connection to an ongoing investigation of the ricin poison gang who were arrested last week. While the Met police released a statement as to how their raid was not an attack on Islam or the mosque as a place of worship; one questions the need to use helicopters and battering rams. A Muslim rep was interviewed this morning on the BBC, and he raised a good point - the sanctity of the mosque as a place of refuge. He pointed out that churches which house criminals or terrorists were not subject to similar raids ; why do one on a mosque?
I have a very complicated stand on matters regarding the whole terrorist and Islam thing. For one, I do not agree with aggression and killings of the innocent as a method to get a point accross. This, to a certain extent, is aligned with the generic Western view. However, to me, the West are hypocrites, for they themselves support, directly or indirectly, the oppression and killings of Palestinians; and they are hardly fair or impartial when the perpertrators of the violence is Israel. 
The US launched a senseless bombing on Afghanistan, under the pretext of trying to find Osama bin Laden; he is still alive and goodness knows how much was destroyed in terms of lives, livelihoods and the such. Not so great after all, are they? Can't even track down one man. Now they're planning to attack Iraq, with nothing but a smidgeon of evidence; and are so gung-ho about it that they are willing to defy the farce that is the United Nations.
Britain seem to want to show that even they are just as evil as the US and have sent troops into the Gulf - some of whom are barely 18 years of age. Prime Minister Blair declares Britain is in the direct crosshairs of terrorist attacks, and to me, he has no one to blame but his lame, sucking-up-to-Bush policies. Britain has never been regarded as the Great Satan as has been the US, but they seem to want it so bad these days. If Blair stopped following Bush's lead (how can an Oxford alumni allow himself to be led by one of the most IQ-challenged presidents in US history continues to baffle me endlessly), I suspect the terror plots and threats, too, shall stop.
Not that certain Muslims are not making it worse for the rest - last week's stabbing of a police officer in Manchester will not endear us to the boys in blue, even if the media has been careful (for once) by not making a religion-linked issue - fact is, people know the stabber is an Arab, and while not all Arabs are Muslims, the stereotype remains.
What can I do as a Muslim to help my religion stand tall and rid it of the prejudices it faces? We must strive to answer that question.
Inspirasi
A bit of good news on the PhD front - something is beginning to make sense! Cayalah.. rasa cam tak sia-sia berjam-jam aku baca semua artikel tu; ada jugak kaitan rupanya.
Looking forward to tomorrow - the Department of Accounting and Finance have a guest speaker, and it's Prof. Bala Dharan from Rice University! Ok.. korang tak heran la kot; tapi mamat ni is quite a prominent figure in accounting and corporate governance.. banyak dah aku baca paper dan research dia. Esok dia nak present paper on Financial Engineering, Corporate Governance and Enron - berkait rapat dengan apa yang aku nak buat untuk thesis aku. Plus all Accounting PhD students ada session dengan dia esok.. yahoo! (Terasa cam nerd la plak.. menda camni pun excited. Takpelah. Aku memang nerd. Heh heh heh)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/20/2003 08:58:42 AM
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BODY:
Week 2, Lent Term
What a start to a Monday morning. The picture on your left (or right, depending on how you think about these things), was taken at approximately 0855 hours from my office window. Let's just be glad I like rain.
So, a new week, not so new things to do, not so new challenges. Bila ntah nak gi menepek kat library aku ni.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/19/2003 11:47:56 PM
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BODY:
Bloomin' Sunday
Kalau kita mengambil erti literal - Bloomin' Sunday bermakna hari Ahad yang kembang/mekar.. tapi orang British ni memang sarcastic sikit.. jadi kalau dari segi slang, maksud Bloomin' Sunday tu - hari Ahad yang ampeh.
Anyway, enough of the English lessons already. Not a bad Sunday, really, because it all came together towards the end of the evening. At last I've got what resembles a set of research issues and a framework that could, potentially, constitute a PhD research proposal. Alhamdulillah.
Started the morning with a venture into Lancaster City (many who have arrived here question the rationale of naming Lancaster a city; a potential future discussion point) to buy a few things - literally dragged my right leg along, but it is recovering nicely, thanks to our local 'physio'. Got back and was lured to Bardsea with the promise of nasi lemak. Aku dah nak balik ke Grad dah time tu - sekali Mas kata, ada nasi lemak Kak Idlan. Tewas akhirnya.. heh heh heh.
Petang, Zieha datang dengan beg besarnya untuk melaksanakan Project Codename KK buat kali pertama. Harap tak segan nak teruskan lagi projek tersebut pada hari dan masa yang lain; ditemani juga rakan-rakan yang lain.
Bagus gak dia datang; kalau tak Sunday afternoons aku hampeh sikit. Hari ni walaupun tak buat apa, kurangnya ada kawan. Bukan buat apa pun; sambil dia buat Maths, aku kemas barang nak dipos ke Malaysia. Sambil borak-borak. Tapi bagus gak ada company. A PhD is a lonely process kalau takde kawan-kawan.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/19/2003 01:29:48 AM
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BODY:
Saturday Night
I ended up not going out tonight. I managed to aggravate a long-standing leg injury; so in view of the sports I plan to do in the near future, I though I'd give things a rest. Dragging my leg through Lancaster in the rain did not seem like a good idea.
Stayed in, watched Blind Date followed by Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway. I watch Blind Date 
for purely nostalgic value - the show reminds me a lot of my childhood in Durham, and as corny as it is, it's still fun. Ant and Dec's show also has some nostalgic bits in it - especially the Jimmy Didn't Fix It for Me segment. There was this show, when I was younger, called Jim'll Fix It, hosted by Jim Saville. The object of it was to get kids to write in with a special wish, and Jim would choose a particular wish and 'fix' it for the kid. A bit like B&H's Golden Dreams, but for kids. I remember a family friend getting onto this show - being princess for a day! The show was a massive hit ; a lot of kids wrote in - and obviously Jim couldn't fix everything. 
Anyway, Ant and Dec would choose the letters that Jim did not choose to fix; and some 20 years down the line (or thereabouts), fix it for the now-adult kid. Outrageous stunts, thus far, include driving in a Lego car, dancing with the Nolans (yes.. who?) and sliding into a pool of mud in pristine white clothes. The pull of the show is that these 'wishes' were made almost a lifetime ago; and it was fun to see how prim and proper people turned out, and relate them now with the child within.
Decided afterwards to get some work done - managed to file and organise my papers, if that counts as proper work. Watched 'Life or Something Like It' on my PC - it is an Angelina Jolie movie, so even if it was crap, I'd still watch it, for the sheer pleasure of saying that I have watched most, if not all, of her work to date. The main plot - a so-called prophet predicts that an up and coming tv presented had one week to live; and how her life and priorities changed thereabouts. Again a subplot that struck a chord - the lead character (played by Jolie) and her constant plight for approval from her dad, whom, to her, has always approved of her better behaved, well mannered older sister.
Managed to plan my big website project tonight. Hopefully, I won't get too preoccupied with that and forget about my work.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/18/2003 03:04:38 PM
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BODY:
Independence
Dah lama tak buat kuiz. Rasa cam nak buat plak hari ni.
Anyway, berbalik kepada cerita asal; lepas tgk Mann tu aku cam malas nak balik.. so tidur bilik Ana. Jaga jam 8 solat subuh, pastu tidur balik. Budgetnya, bila Ana bangun nak ke kelas, aku pun bangunlah. Terjaga lepas dengar Ana bergerak dalam bilik.. ingatkan dia nak gi kelas, rupanya dah balik. Dah 11am rupanya! Takpelah, memang dah lama aku tak fully sleep my 8 hours. So anyway, brunch kat dapur, baca artikel sikit-sikit pastu gi ke school. Hari ni ada seminar.
Seminar cukup ampeh. Bukan apa.. topic dia memang sesuatu yang begitu specialised dalam finance dan amat sangatlah bukan bidang aku. Pseudo-Risk Neutral Valuation Relationships, which is an extension of the Black and Scholes option valuation model. Tapi presenter dia an eminent scholar - Prof. Richard Stapleton, who is one of the top people in Finance; plus he was also previously at Lancaster. Masa aku keluar tu discuss dengan Pelham pasal AcF211; pastu dia tanya - what did you make of that (the seminar)? Rupanya member pun ada sikit blur gak sbb bidang tu highly specialised kan. So kira aku setaraf la.. heheheh.
Malam ni bermula lah malam aktiviti kitorang. Dimulakan dengan agenda bersukan untuk negara - biasanya main bola campuran, atau volleyball. Lepas mandi etc lepak kat Kg Bardsea main cards or jamming atau kedua-duanya sekali. Esok InsyaAllah nak tengok cerita 8 Mile. Hari Ahad insyaAllah nak main women's indoor hockey untuk Graduate College. Aku biasanya memang kena jadi keeper, even though aku tak suka. I know I can manage a half decent job between the sticks on a good day; but I do want to be scoring the goals, not just stopping them. A classic case of Barthezism, I guess.
Last Word
Ada sape ntah yang bijak laksana, email gambar-gambar kemalangan maut student aku Ahad lepas. Aku tertengok satu ajer. Sampai sekarang ada sedikit trauma. Macam mana nak tidur malam ni? It's not like I haven't had enough trauma thus far!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/16/2003 04:36:29 PM
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BODY:
So far.. so good
Hari yang semi-produktif. Pagi-pagi lagi dah diterkejutkan oleh berita bahawa aku kena present paper next week dalam doctoral seminar. Terbangang kejap, mostly sebab lecturer yang in charge of session tu tak khabor pun kat aku apa-apa. Lebih-lebih lagi aku dapat satu journal artikel misteri dalam pigeon hole aku semalam... aku assume dari Peter (supervisor aku); tapi dengan berita yang baru aku terima tu.. cuak gak.
Siasat sket, tanya John yang akan lead session minggu depan... dia kata takdelah.. bukan aku.. Helena actually yang akan present. Maybe minah yang dengar tu confuse Idlan dengan Helena. Fuhh lega.. sebab paper yang Peter tinggalkan untuk aku tu.. tebal satu, econometricsnya pun agak hebat juga. Aku memang lemah bab-bab econometrics nih.. maklumlah kecik-kecik dulu tak belajar number number yang complex mahupun kurang complex nie.
Anyway, berjaya jugak aku kupas paper yang Peter bagi kat aku tu; dan I managed to start on another paper gak lah. Dalam pada tu dapat juga senarai A-list accounting journals sebagai asas untuk membuat peniliaian dan rujukan. OK lah. Called it a day at the office jam 4 ptg; ada training - pastu balik, solat dan ada majlis baca Yassin. InsyaAllah dapat dunia & akhirat hari ni 
Amin.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/15/2003 11:23:51 PM
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BODY:
Taking a break
Last-last, aku decide to take a break for the rest of today. I printed a few new papers (or journal articles, if you'd prefer to use the term) that should last me for a day or so; pastu esok tengoklah macam mana.. either kerja dari bilik ajer or gi library ke. I've found that every time aku takde mood, a change of scenery always does me a bit of good.
Tadi lepas decide to call it a day, aku ikut Ana, Khalid, Dy, Mas & Helmi ke Asda. Ikutkan, aku nyer shopping day is Sabtu. Tapi Sabtu ni dah occupied dengan aktiviti hujung minggu. Ingatkan nak pergi petang Jumaat; tapi dapat email kata ada seminar petang tu. So tukar plan petang Khamis - tapi petang esok ada training dan ada juga majlis baca Yassin. So kena pergi hari ni jugaklah akhirnya.
Balik dari Asda, memang takde niat nak belajar. Mengadap PC ajer. Ingatkan nak buat projek website aku tu, tapi terbelangkalai bila tangan mendail telefon. Bolehlah tahan dekat sejam lebih aku layan borak - internal phone, jadi free.. heheh - tapi masih belum mampu menggugat rekod aku bercakap kat internal phone ni. Pada suatu malam summer yang kurang hening, aku pernah berborak hampir sepanjang malam dengan member aku.. dari jam 12 midnight sampai 4.15 pagi rasanya. Letak telefon pun sebab masing-masing nak solat subuh.
All in all, nak kata aku fully rested tu takdelah. Tapi rested la jugak. InsyaAllah hari esok aku lebih baik dari hari ni - it can't get much worse, since I've done close to nothing today!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/15/2003 01:32:25 PM
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BODY:
Mana lari semangat aku itu hari?
Baca, baca dan terus baca. Tapi apa entah aku baca aku pun tak sure. Sesekali terfikir gak, layak ke sebenarnya aku ni untuk berada kat sini? Baca artikel banyak-banyak pun, mampu ke aku buat critical review? Kenapa macam tak ada original idea je semua.. asyik pikir pakai journal article orang ajer. Ke semua ni normal bagi pelajar 1st year cam aku nih?
Entahlah. Kompius aku. Nak PMS kot.
(Yes, I know. Blame all the troubles of the world on PMS. Scary - what if George Bush went through similar hormonal fluctuations?)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/15/2003 09:23:04 AM
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BODY:
Absolutely Knackered!
Balik dari training semalam, aku flat. As in, flat out sungguh-sungguh. Sebab kena fitness (lagi! Kenapa tiap kali aku turun Matt buat fitness ajer?). Dan memang jelas la kot aku tak fit - balik tu, shower, masuk dapur masak dinner.. ingatkan nak baca lagi paper Bushman and Smith tu.. badan menjerit-jerit mahu direhatkan.
Fikir-fikirkan, apalah guna paksa diri bekerja kalau dah tak larat? Lagipun, dua-tiga minggu ni memang body aku sedang adjust kepada 6 hours sleep a night; so I thought maybe patut la aku reward dia sikit.
So malam tadi masak ringkas ajer - kari sadin dan sayur; rehat-rehat atas katil sambil baca buku cerita.. terus terlelap. Terjaga jam 2300; ingatkan maybe nak sambung study sikit.. tengok muka dalam cermin mcm tak siap aje.. aku terus masuk tidur balik. Bangun pagi ni, adalah sakit sakit badan sikit.. akibat strenous exercise semalam. Tapi ok lah. Rasa cam orang balik. Heh heh heh. 
Al-Fatihah
Hari ni aku dapat lagi dua berita kematian. Satu, kematian ibu kawan member-member aku. Aku tak kenal dia pun, tapi kenal through gambar-gambar gitulah. Satu lagi, kematian kakak member baik aku kat Lancaster masa aku buat Masters dulu. Khabar ni pun baru aku terima. As usual, aku mohon jasa baik korang sedekahkan al-Fatihah kat diorang ek.
Hmm.. banyak sungguh kematian dalam masa terdekat ni. Rindu plak kat mak abah. Kena telepon la nih.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/14/2003 02:23:38 PM
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BODY:
Ngantuk
Entah la apa pasal, petang ni rasa mengantuk semacam aje. Aku tengah baca article Bushman and Smith (2001) pasal the use of financial accounting information in managerial contracts. Dah dua-tiga kali rasanya nak cium meja. Nak buat kopi, tak bawak nescafe dari bilik tadi. Nak minum Coke, hari tu dah janji nak kurangkan. Apa lagi yang mampu aku buat selain menguap-dan terus menguap?
Dalam pada masa yang sama, bahu aku yang sakit dari minggu lepas masih memberontak tak naik baik-baik. Mengalahkan orang pergi main ski kat Scotland hari tu. Camne nih? Dah la petang ni nak turun training. Isk...
Jenguk-jenguk MSN Messenger. Nickname warga Lancaster semuanya berbaur kehampehan yang amat. Mungkin hari Selasa memang hari mandom sedunia bagi warga Lancaster dan kawasan-kawasan yang sama waktu dengannya.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/13/2003 11:51:28 PM
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BODY:
Back to school
Day 1, Week 1, Lent Term of Lancaster University. Tiba-tiba rasa macam ramai yang amat umat Lancaster University hari ni. Mana-mana aku jalan macam ada serbuan setempat. Aku pun operasikanlah battle plan PhD aku. 
Ironic sungguh; dah masuk 2 bulan setengah aku kat sini, tapi baru hari ni rasa betul-betul macam aku ni PhD student. Mungkin sebab hari ni first day aku betul-betul duduk di opis dan buat kerja. Phase 1 hampir selesai - compile semua paper yang aku dah ada dan categorykan semuanya. Phase 2 dan Phase 3 yang berat - read and summarise. Ada sesiapa yang terasa macam nak volunteerkan diri nak baca?
Hmm.. dah start semester ni, makin lama makin kuranglah berjumpa dengan orang. Berapa minggu lagi ye, nak Easter break? Nak gi Blackpool rasanya.. hehehe.
Khabar dari Muadzam
Dapat email dari Muadzam hari ni. Bukan satu tapi dua. Perkhabaran sedih - ada dua student Diploma in Accounting (DIA) Uniten Muadzam Shah meninggal dunia akibat kemalangan jalan raya di Muadzam sendiri. Naik motor khabarnya. Cerita selanjutnya aku tak dapat lagi. Yang aku tahu, kedua-duanya meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian. Sama ada dengan lori ke, kereta ke, atau terbabas langgar tiang, belum dapat dipastikan. Apa-apa pun, kalau korang orang Islam, dan membaca entry aku ni, sedekahkan la al-Fatihah buat mereka. Semoga ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman.
Kawan aku yang email tu pun ada cerita perihal tempat kerja. Saban hari, terasa semakin jauh hati aku dengan tempat tu. Kalau kata orang, time heals all wounds; well, with this wound, time just makes sure I'll never make the same mistake again.
Ada satu article aku dapat dari seorang kawan di mana dia kata, biasanya, sesorang tu leave a company, bukan sebab company tu tak bagi perks, tapi sebab perangai the immediate superior. Cuba korang baca, I'd appreciate some feedback regarding this. Diskusi ilmiah lah pulak ya.
And finally....
Nampaknya bukan setakat aku dan sebahagian besar rakyat Lancaster ajer yang keliru tentang Keliru. Juri pun keliru. Kalau macam gini, tahun depan aku pun buleh dah jadi juri.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/13/2003 10:07:26 PM
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BODY:
Sehari dalam hidup seorang pelajar PhD
0730 : Bangun, solat subuh
0800 : Bersiap-siap untuk ke opis
0830 - 1830 : Di opis. Break for solat Zuhur / Asar & lunch (1400-1500), break for Maghrib / Isya' (1730 -1815)
1830 - 2000 : Break for dinner, mandi, housekeeping
2000 - 2300 : Sesi study malam
2300 - Bedtime : Internet / blog update / web design
Ini semua, kononnya lah. I am not known for being a stickler when it comes to rules, regulations and discipline. Tengoklah, by Jumaat ni for sure dah terkapai-kapai jadual aku ni.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/12/2003 08:36:58 PM
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BODY:
Laporan siaran langsung Anugerah Juara Lagu ke-17 dari pusat tontonan cawangan Lancaster
It has never, ever, failed to amaze me how a mundane event in Malaysia, which would do very well if it stirred the slightest of interest in me, could be an event of major celebratory proportions whenever I am in the UK. Juara Lagu is such an example - usually I wouldn't really care about the whole event, often choosing to watch another program on the other telly and only rushing upstairs for the results. And I usually am only interested in the results to see what the upsets are (and watch the devastation on my sister's face - as happened last year when Mimpi Laila won).
Being a couple thousand miles away from home has of course changed that. TV3 had a live webcast, so I decided to join some others instead of watching it alone. After all, this provided ample ground for some serious heckling!
After much deliberation, last-last aku decide nak lepak tengok kat bilik Helmi di Cartmel. Skrin computer dia besar sikit. A party Juara Lagu of minor proportions - ada food, ada air, dan ada air tumpah. Kira cukuplah syarat semua tu. Aku sebenarnya tak berapa tahu pun lagu-lagu yang masuk bertanding tu. Sikit-sikit adalah. Cuma sebab lagu melayu favourite aku - Cinta (Flop Poppy) ada masuk; plus lagu Amy Mastura.. dan lagu KL Menjerit "Linda Martopo" nyanyi.. 3 dari 12.. orait la tu bagi aku. Dah pun pesan siang-siang suruh tulippetal belikan paper, senang ada benda nak baca kalau bosan.
Keputusan? Agak upset sedikit bagi pihak aku. Sebab aku budget, lagu dalam kategori Pop Rock semua best-best kecuali Nurul dan Ajai.. sekali yang tu menang! Dah la tu, menang Juara Lagu lagi gitu. Dan tak lupa aku nak sampaikan kekecewaan sebilangan rakyat Lancaster atas tewasnya Syair si Pari-pari (Zamani).
Aiseh.. Ziana Zain menang Balada? Takpelah.. rezeki dia gamaknya. Tapi Ajai and Nurul.. hmmm.. Aku rasa macam lagi sanggup kalau tengok Siti menang lagi ajer. Ni mesti judges biased lepas Intan Suraya nyer emotional outburst pasal nasib Siti masa presenting.. isk.
Kenapalah bukan aku jadi juri? Mesti dah lama Flop Poppy menang....
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/11/2003 10:05:29 PM
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BODY:
How much more easier can it get to spend a whole day doing nothing?
Bangun awal hari ni - or rather, decided not to go back to bed lepas solat Subuh. Sebaliknya, siap-siap untuk ke bandar.Semalam spec aku cabut lagi screwnya. Entahla apsal.. banyak kali betul spec-spec aku ni mengalami cedera parah semenjak dua menjak sampai ke UK ni. Mungkin juga masalah osteoporosis.
Anyway, kedai yang aku target dapat membuat repair dengan murah tu tutup hari ni. Pikir empat-lima belas kali, I decided to go to another optician ; albeit also independent. Malangnya spec aku yang agak baru sikit tu tak dapat direpair. Yang lama tu boleh la. Semuanya masalah screw dan saiz yang tak ada. 
So I am now left with only one pair of glasses. Thankfully, yang ni takdelah longgar jadi tak payahlah aku nak bersnow-cap dalam bilik sebab nak make sure spec tu tak slide off my nose. Tapi still aku takde backup pair kalau-kalau spec yang ni buat hal time aku bersukan ke apa ke.
Balik dari bandar, ke opis sekejap, lepas tu jenguk orang 
Snow dari bilik Cik Kieli 
Mengikut perancangan asal, pagi ni aku ngan Zieha nak ke Madame Tussaud's, and Cik Kieli nak ke school sebab ada meeting. Nak jadi cerita, meeting Cik Kieli cancel, tapi dia tetap ada appointment dengan member dia. So aku dengan Zieha decided nak tour central London in the snow dulu. Naik tube, pergi ke Trafalgar Square. Kemudian berjalan menyusuri Westminster ke arah Downing Street, the Queen's Guards and onto the banks of the River Thames.
When I was 9 years old and growing up in England, my dad bought me a Ladybird book entitled 'A guide to London'. I have read that book from cover to cover many times over, looking at the attractions in central London. Some 16 odd years later, I finally saw Big Ben and the House of Parliament in real life; covered in snow to boot!
Lepas penat bergambar dan playing tourist, we decided to take a short break - cari Starbucks dan minum kopi. Then we headed back to Gray's Inn Road for Zuhur prayers and preparing for phase 2 of our assault on London. This time, with Cik Kieli in tow.
We started off with messing about in the park (again) - this time dua orang warga Lancaster yang tak pernah jumpa snow di utara telah pun membina seorang snowman di London.
Di park belakang bilik Cik Kieli 
Anyway, berbalik kepada soalan asal.. kajian tu membuahkan satu findings yang menarik - correlation antara company performance dan the payments made out to top executives begitu lemah. Jadi, irregardless of company tu untung ke rugi ke.. gaji orang boss-boss ni naik dan terus naik. Ini aku tak nafikan memang berlaku. Aku kaji Marks and Spencer masa buat dissertation masters aku - jelas di situ yang Marks and Spencer memang menjunam harga saham dan profit diorang, tapi kenaikkan above the rate of inflation tetap berlaku kepada top management di company tu.
Apakah fenomena yang sama berlaku di Malaysia? I suspect so. Masa aku gi conference tempoh hari, dah ada akak sorang tu nak buat thesis PhD dia pasal menda ni di USM. Jadi tak perlulah aku kaji.. aku kaji benda lain lah plak. Tapi it would be interesting to see what the findings show. Kalau korang ada pegang saham, atau ada annual report mana-mana company post 30 June 2001, cuba tengok kat dalam corporate governance statement company tu, bahagian executive compensation. Fikirkan, berbaloi ke orang-orang tu dibayar banyak macam tu, relatif kepada value yang berjaya mereka tambah pada nilai saham yang korang pegang?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/5/2003 08:40:50 PM
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BODY:
Muhasabah Weekend
Apa aku buat weekend ni ek? On Saturday morning aku study sambil-sambil menonton SM:tv dan Cd:uk - dua favourite Saturday morning show aku. SM:tv dah hambar sebab Ant and Dec dah tak ada.. tapi Brian tu ok lah.. walaupun dia gay dan lembik. Camne-camne pun, aku tetap miss Ant, Dec and Cat dalam Chums. Jam 12 tengahari aku ke office, sebab dah janji dengan Angah yang aku nak masuk webchat. Since dah ada webcam ni.. aku nak sangat-sangat tengok Nadia.. dah lama dah tak tengok dia. Ini rupanya dia sekarang...
![](http://www.lancs.ac.uk/postgrad/zakaria/nadnad3.jpg")
![](http://www.lancs.ac.uk/postgrad/zakaria/nadnad4.jpg")
![](http://www.lancs.ac.uk/postgrad/zakaria/nadnad5.jpg")
![](http://www.lancs.ac.uk/postgrad/zakaria/nadnad6.jpg")
Biasanya di Lancaster, kami cuma dapat tengok snow on the hills macam ni..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/3/2003 04:33:05 PM
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BODY:
Tambah mainan lagi
Pagi tadi aku tekad bangun awal, sebab nak ke bandar. Kononnya nak pergi mencari Logitech Optical Mouse - ada offer murah di Argos; £24.99 turun harga dari £39.99. Terlajak tidur, jam 11.30 baru bangun. Tapi aku tekad, aku tetap nak pergi mencari mouse tu. Aku pun menapak la ke bandar.. mula-mula masuk ke bank sebab nak selesaikan bayaran untuk kad kredit abah. Masuk HMV tengokkan CD U2 yang ada DVD untuk Acat.. £15.99.. hmm. Tak beli dulu sbb manalah tahu dapat lagi murah. Slow-slow aku jalan, sampai la ke Argos. Key in number untuk check stock - erkk.. dah habis!! Tengok yang lain, harga terlalu mahal - £44.99 paling murah. Dah haru dah time tu.. itulah Idlan.. sapa suruh bangun lambat?
Aku keluar dari Argos, usha di Littlewood. Ada, tapi cordless. Tak jadi.. sebab bak kata kawan aku Gijoe, karang tak pasal-pasal jadi mainan budak-budak kecik. Sebab dia ingat kereta mainan ke apa. Aku masuk ke Dixon's, ada yang Packard Bell ajer. Hmmm.. masih kurang berpuas hati. Keluar kedai sana, masuk kedai sini.. memang tak ada yang of reasonable quality.
Untuk mengubat hati yang kecewa, aku masuk ke kedai GAME. Sebab ingat boleh ke angkat game satu dua, mengubat hati yang kecewa. Nak pergi ke Preston, tak sanggup.. takut sia-sia aja £5.45 tapi takde gak kat sana. Sekali tu, dekat kedai GAME tu, jeng jeng jeng.. ada Microsoft Optical Mouse! Yahuu!!! Harga? £24.99.. sama saja dengan Logitech, sedangkan rating aku, Microsoft lagi tinggi sikit. Alhamdulillah, ada rezeki gak aku, nak menggantikan mouse aku yang semakin hampeh di rumah tu.
Sebelah kedai game, ada kedai Andy's Records. Aku check CD yang Acat nak tu - £9.99 ajer! Sekali lagi rezeki, walaupun rezeki Acat bukan rezeki aku.. heheh. Oleh kerana dah syok dengan bargain, aku pun masuk ke Argos - beli headphone dan juga shower curtain. Banyak juga yang murah masa time sale ni, walaupun aku tak berBoxing day hari tu.
Anyway, seperti kata comment ramai, headphone aku besar, ala-ala DJ. Nak tengok? Hehhehe.. ni dia gambar, dari webcam lagi... (alasan nak tempek gambar aku lagi kat web la nie...)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 1/2/2003 11:58:20 AM
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BODY:
Mainan baru
Hari ni aku dapat mainan baru - dapat pinjam webcam dari Ana. Dan akhirnya berjaya install kat ofis. Nak tengok gambar-gambar sulung aku? Hehhe.. ni dia.. (hint: letak mouse atas gambar untuk narration)
Lepas tu sambung tengok cerita Billy Elliot. Aku dah lama suka cerita ni. Pertama sekali sebab setting dia, Durham - 1984. Significant bagi cerita ni sebab the Miner's Strike. Significant bagi aku sebab aku duduk di Durham in 1984. Nostalgia bukan main.. dari susunan rumah council housing sampai ke jalan nak ke Newcastle. Keduanya, sebab premis sebenar cerita ni, di sebalik paparan yang digambarkan - seorang anak muda mengejar impian. Pada aku, lebih menarik persoalan pengorbanan seorang bapa dalam cerita tu. Walaupun dia tak faham, walaupun dia kurang arif tentang impian anak dia, dia sanggup cross the picket line masa strike, demi nak cari duit sebab nak support cita-cita anak dia.
Esok, budak-budak ni nak ke Scotland. Aku kena tinggal lagi. Hehehe...
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/31/2002 08:10:09 PM
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BODY:
Ada Apa dengan Tahun Baru?
Aku sama dengan Poad (refer pada guestbook). Tak biasa sambut tahun baru. Maal Hijrah biasanya aku jadikan titik tolak muhasabah tahun lalu. Bukan lah nak kata aku lebih baik dari orang yang sambut tahun baru - sebab Allah sahaja yang tahu betapa banyak dah dosa yang aku buat dalam hidup yang baru menjangkau 25 tahun lebih ni - tapi dari aspek mana yang aku mampu jalankan hidup secara Islam dalam dunia yang serba sekular ni, aku cuba. Tapi ini cuma pendapat aku; some people would see no harm in celebrating something that has nothing to do with religion (or so they argue); as for me, since ada alternative lain - aku cuba kumpul brownie points kat situ. Lagipun, dalam Islam ada dua chance untuk muhasabah tahun yang lalu - Nisfu Syaaban, bila buku kita diangkat naik; dan Maal Hijrah.
Rakan-rakan dah pulang dari London. Malam tadi aku jamu diorang makan nasi goreng kat flat aku. Diorang bawak card - kami main gin rummy dari jam berapa ntah. Jam 5 pagi baru sorang-sorang beransur pulang. Ada juga yang aku suruh tidur ajer kat flat aku.. senang. Plannya esok (hari ini) nak ke Preston. Berjaya juga projek tu - cuma jam 2 petang baru gerak dari Lancaster; dan kedai dah announce nak tutup baru kami gerak dari kedai. Malam ni projek lepak phase 2. Main kad lagi kot. Cuma tukar port. Malam ni di bilik Ana/Khalid pulak. Makan nasi goreng lagi. Hehehe.. tapi ini malam Ana kena masak.
Lepas gian nampaknya aku - lama sungguh tidak bersosial dengan orang.. heheh.. asyik dengan komputer atau buku saja.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/30/2002 06:23:16 PM
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BODY:
Rancangan Tergendala Sebentar
Tadi, masa aku syok-syok memerah idea menulis kat sini, bunyi yang teramat familiar tapi sangat kurang digemari berkumandang - fire alamr. Alahai.. fire alarm lagi flat aku ni. Teringat aku masa minggu aku mula-mula sampai di sini - dalam masa seminggu yang aku berperang dengan jet lag tu, tiap2 kali aku lelap mata ada aje bunyinye. Pernah satu malam tu, jam 12.30am bunyi gak. Saperlah yang tak terror masak tu.. isk.. sedih sedih.. beratur kami di luar dengan sejuk yang amat, tunggu fireman datang.
Takpelah. Sekurang-kurangnya, keselamatan kami diambil berat di sini. InsyaAllah.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/30/2002 05:28:33 PM
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BODY:
Better, though not best
Alhamdulillah, malam tadi tidur better than the previous night. Masih terjaga-jaga every hour or two, tapi not in a panic rush, and tak susah nak lelapkan mata balik. Ingatkan, bila dah beribu batu jauhnya, keadaan makin bertambah baik. Tapi kadang-kadang ada juga relapse rupanya. Kena selalu beringat kalau macam ni.
Studies-wise, belum mencapai tahap membanggakan. Buku Corporate Governance Monks & Minows tu masih belum lagi khatam. Lebih kurang 9 hari sahaja tinggal sebelum nak ke London, dan kurang seminggu sebelum nak set appointment berjumpa supervisor. Malam ni Ana, Khalid, Rijal, Mas dan Dy balik ke Lancaster. Cepat sungguh cuti berlalu. Namun hasil usaha belum terpampang lagi. Slow and steady tu betul gak, tapi kadang-kadang slow sangat..
PC kat ofis rupanya boleh voicechat dan webcam. Kalau macam ni, lagilah terabai segala free minutes aku tu. Cuma kat sini aku belum ada webcam ; kat rumah di Malaysia ada tapi diorang bukan nak online ke apa. Aku rasa aku tinggal tu cukup lengkap dah PC kat rumah tu.. siap dengan CD-Writer dan scanner lagi. Tapi nak scan gambar hantar kat aku pun, tak dibuat-buatnya.
Akhir kata, satu lagi lirik lagu aku nak letak kat sini. Tidak ada kena mengena dengan apa-apa yang sedang berlaku dalam hidup aku sekarang, tapi lagu lama, aku jumpa kat Kazaa tadi. Dah defunct rasanya group ni pun. But anyway, here it is. Alone, by Heart.
Aku, Izie dan Eta 
Ingat nak masuk BHS, Littlewoods dan JJB. Tak berapa kesampaian. Orang berpusu-pusu ke sana ke mari, rimas nak bergerak. Di luar kedai Next masih ada lagi yang beratur; sedangkan sebenarnya Next sale tu bermula dari jam 6 pagi tadi. Khabarnya, ada juga warga Melayu kita yang beratur dari jam 5 pagi tadi. Aku rasa, aku kalau ongkosnya ada, memang join jugak kot. Nasib baik kekurangan sumber kewangan.
Akhirnya aku membeli benda-benda wajib ajer.. yang memang dah ada dalam list barang runcit aku. Kurang sesuai lah aku nak berasak-asak dalam suasana sale ni. Maybe aku patut pergi weekdays, dengan harapan sudah reda sikit manusia. Cuma yang khuatirnya, takut sale pun dah reda!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/27/2002 12:15:27 PM
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BODY:
Kekeringan Idea
Oleh kerana terlalu banyak perkara membosankan yang berlaku dalam hidup aku minggu ni, maka aku pun kekeringan idea tentang apa nak menggoreng kat sini. Tapi to make good of my promise to write in my web journal sekerap mungkin, aku menconteng jugalah. Mungkin hari ni boleh aku bercerita sedikit sebanyak tentang ilmu / pengetahuan dan tanggungjawab.
Masa aku sekolah-sekolah dulu, selalu orang 
Hmm.. sesuatu yang secara relatifnya agak menarik yang berlaku hari ni - flat aku dah ada dryer! Setelah sebulan dua berhempas pulas dan berjuang, akhirnya muncul juga dryer dalam flat kitorang. Biasanya postgraduate halls kat university aku ni dapat satu washing machine and satu dryer; sewanya £30 sebulan, tapi kalau dishare 7 orang macam kami, secara puratanya baru kena £4.30. Compare dengan public laundry di university ni - £1.00 per wash, tak silap aku, plus drying - 20p satu cycle tapi kalau nak bagi kering baju tu maunya nak kena 3-4 cycle.. seluar jeans maybe lama sikit... so on average dalam £1.50 satu load. Kalau seminggu sekali buat laundry dah jadi £6 sebulan - murah la sikit £4.30 tu plus the convenience of not having to queue up dekat laundry, tunggu turn etc; aku rasa berbaloi gak. Especially since unlimited use.. aku nak basuh baju 3 kali sehari pun takpe.. hehhehe.
Akhir kata, renungan hari ini:
When was the last time kita bersyukur kepada Allah tentang apa yang kita ada, instead of mengeluh tentang apa yang kita tiada? Kadang-kadang, bila aku terlalu taksub dengan masalah di depan mata; aku terlupa banyak mana rezeki aku dah dapat setakat ini. Berapa kali dah in the past aku putus asa dengan keadaan dan masalah, sedangkan last-last Allah juga yang berikan aku jalan keluar dari setiap sesuatu masalah? Tapi ingatkah aku pada Dia untuk spend a little bit more time lepas solat untuk baca doa panjang sikit ke, berzikir lebih sikit ke.. bukan untuk manfaat sesiapa pun kecuali diri aku sendiri. Hmm.. bila fikir, memang terasa diri kurang bersyukur!
Tapi malaslah nak bercerita lagi pasal raya tu, kalau berminat nak tahu, boleh ke Archives.. heheh. Keduanya, birthday dua orang kawan aku - Fisz (22/12) dan Er (23/12). Entahlah apa perangai, aku tak call diorang pun, tak wish or anything. Bukan aku tak ingat. Ingat sangat.. present pun dah dibeli; tunggu cukup masa duit masuk 2 Jan nanti untuk dihantar. Mungkin radar kurang cekap sekarang ni, langsung tak tergerak nak call. Jadi kalau tahun depan orang tak call masa birthday aku, tak bolehlah aku nak complain, ek?
Aku kurang tenang sikit sehari-dua ni. Terasa seperti ada melakukan dosa terhadap seseorang. Mungkin pada dia perkara tu tidak seberapa, tapi rasa berdosa tu tetap ada lurking in the background. Apa-apa pun, bila berpeluang, aku akan minta maaf. Dan iktibar yang perlu diambil ; jangan lakukan lagi. Kadang kadang kita tak sedar yang kita ada buat silap sehingga kita fikir balik pasal silap kita tu - and most of the time, that's too late.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/24/2002 12:06:14 AM
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BODY:
Back to the grind
Life is almost back to normal. As in, work work work. Dari hari tu berhajat nak tengok VCD, tak tertengok-tengok lagi. Entah bila. Malam esok, since dah Christmas Eve, macam banyak pulak program best kat TV nih. A few good movies, some Xmas specials.. all in all, a good night's entertainment, kalaupun aku tak celebrate Christmas.
Funny how, kat sini masa Christmas everything is almost at a standstill. A few years ago, Malaysia pun macam tu kalau Hari Raya. But nowadays even on 1st Raya pun dah ada kedai buka etc. Orang raya kat shopping complex pun sama ramai dengan orang raya kat rumah sedara mara. Entahlah.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/23/2002 01:29:03 AM
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BODY:
Tamatkah sudah musim open house raya ini?
Tadi siang aku pergi open house kat rumah Abang Nazri. Kali ni lain sikit suasananya - undergrad dah tak ramai, tinggal Iman dan Syed ajer yang datang. Biasanya kalau budak-budak undergrad ada, aku akan dengan tak malunya menyusup masuk lepak dengan diorang. Tapi since this time memang postgrad sahaja yang ada, I had two choices: join anak-anak postgrad and borak-borak dengan diorang; atau buat-buat sedar diri yang aku ni memang dah besar panjang and act like it.
Mula-mula aku borak gak dengan anak-anak postgrad; layan depa nyer soalan-soalan maut..
"Kak Idlan, Kak Mas/ Kak Diyana mana?"
"Kak Idlan, tak takut ke duduk sorang-sorang kat college tu?"
"Kak Idlan, kenapa Ginger tu mati?" (Utk pengetahuan, Ginger adalah arwah pet hamster belaan anak-anak Abang Kamarul)
"Kak Idlan, kalau animal mati cepat kan?"
"Kak Idlan betul ke kalau rabbit dia happy ears dia naik?"
"Kak Idlan kalau Ginger dah mati tu dia tak boleh hidup balik ke?"
"Kak Idlan, mak Ginger sekarang duduk kat mana?"
Oleh kerana makin lama aku makin tak mampu nak jawab soalan-soalan diorang, aku pun bawak diri ke dapur untuk menyertai diskusi yang kurang sikit tahap ilmiahnya. Dah lama tak join mak-mak berborak-borak; tapi bila topik makin lama makin mencabar aku menyusup ke tepi dan borak dengan orang-orang seangkatan pulak - heheh.. segan sebenarnya. Tapi masih kedengaran perihal topik kesuburan - bercerita tentang pokok agaknya, since biologist yang bercakap.
Aku seperti biasa makan macam tak ingat. Nasi ayam yang dihidangkan cukup best; ayamnya cukup sedap dan enak dimakan begitu saja. Kalau ada nasi lagi best. Banyak round la jugak aku pusing, walaupun kali ni serangan berangkai tak berlaku kerana anggota-anggota tentera tak cukup. Namun begitu back-up corp masih ada untuk meneman aku ke meja makan.
Balik dari makan, mata rasa amat berat. Tidur sekejap, sampai terjaga dengar suara Brad Pitt di TV.
Tak banyak kerja dapat dibuat hari ni. Tapi memang tak plan pun nak bekerja hari ni. Esok Isnin, kita mulakan usaha kita semula.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/22/2002 12:20:20 PM
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BODY:
Guestbook Baru
Sedikit pembaharuan pada guestbook. Aku tukar host - sebab bravenet aku perhatikan, ada flexibility untuk aku respond pada message yang ditinggalkan. Guestbook lama masih ada untuk tontonan umum. Tapi kalau boleh, sign la guestbook baru ye.
Sekian, harap maklum..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/22/2002 12:11:21 AM
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BODY:
Perkembangan yang menarik
Hari ni berjaya habis satu bab. Alhamdulillah, rasanya, the work is finally moving. Now ni just nak pastikan I don't overdo it. So every time aku habis satu chapter, aku akan tengok satu vcd. Aku nyer movies sendiri tak abis tgk lagi, lepas tu ada satu stack lagi koleksi tambahan yang boleh diconsider untuk dibereskan. Not to mention movie-movie yang ada kat TV. Kira ok lah nie.
Ngantuk la pulak nak tengok cd malam ni. Takpe, reward ni boleh carry forward ke pagi esok.
Dapat email dari head of department aku tadi; katanya, continue reading on governance, things will be sorted out in the new year. Alright, cayalah.. ada juga fokus dan arah tujuan research aku sekarang ni. Lega rasanya.
Yang tak best satu ajer - kat luar tu, hujan dan ribut kencang. Sejuk yang amat. Bila nak snow?
Dah masuk tiga tahun berkecimpung dalam bidang ni, I've grown to appreciate the power of teaching. The power to dazzle inquisitive young minds with new ideas, the ability to challenge fresh minds with new concepts and outlooks ; not to mention the responsibility that comes with it.
Dulu masa aku masih tutor, ada seorang student ni, dah kali kedua dia amik paper yang aku tutorkan tu. Selalu dia datang jumpa aku nak tanya itu ini; aku nampak dia ikhlas nak belajar so I sat him down, once, and helped him through a particularly difficult chapter of the subject we were studying. Aku rasa dia appreciate kot; after that there was more effort from him, more diligence. Kawan-kawan dia semua ponteng kelas; dia tetap datang, sampai ke kelas tambahan tak wajib yang biasanya dipenuhi oleh pelajar-pelajar Cina. Akhirnya dia pass dengan A.
Mungkin orang sangsi macam mana dia boleh naik dari E ke A, tapi aku tak. Aku nampak effort dia; and I do hope it was that little bit of extra attention that I gave him - just an extra 20 minutes of my time going through that particularly tough chapter - that changed the outlook of the rest of his semester. Tak tahulah aku sama ada dah grad ke belum dia ; not long after that aku ke sini buat Masters, dan balik dari Masters aku dihantar ke You-Know-Where.
Kenapa aku amik time-out dengan dia for 20 minutes tu? Sebab pada suatu masa dahulu, akulah dia.. student tak menentu arah masa di sekolah dulu. Takde focus, takde cita-cita, tak ada aspirasi. Aku cuma tahu pergi sekolah, balik sekolah, turun training, malam prep tidur, lepas tu stay up buat / xerox homework.Dunia aku kat sekolah adalah bersukan semata-mata, tolak 2-3 bulan praktis untuk debate. Tu pun selang seli debate dengan sports jugak.
Then ada cikgu sorang tu panggil aku masa rehat; took just 20 minutes of his time to tell me off for playing the fool way too much. Kena marah ajer sebenarnya; tapi entahlah, hati air batu aku masa tu cair sikit because for me, he took time to pull me aside because he could see some potential. Lepas tu, no turning back bagi aku. This sounds really corny and cheesy, tapi aku punya results trial, SPM, first degree, Masters.. semua tu aku motivatekan diri aku dengan mengenangkan jasa seorang guru yang sudi meluangkan masa untuk menunjukkan he cared.
Aku juga tahu cikgu tu ikhlas; sebab satunya dia dah happily married, secondly dia kenal aku dari Form 1, dan thirdly, wife dia pun ajar aku dan cikgu debate aku gak. Mungkin itu faktor utama kenapa I stopped and listened; because he did it out of the goodness of his heart. Aku ingat lagi dia pesan, jangan ikut rentak orang Idlan. Biar orang kata macam-macam sebab kita ikut rentak kita sendiri, asalkan akhirnya kita berjaya. Masa kita berjaya nanti, yang mengata tu lah akan mengaku kawan. How true his words.
Dia mungkin tak tahu, tak sedar dan tak ingat pun cerita ni, tapi aku rasa kalau dia tak buat camtu dulu, tak sampai tahap PhD aku sekarang ni. Mungkin cukup saja dengan degree, and not a very good one at that. Walaupun kejayaan abah aku semasa dia di universiti dulu sumber inspirasi aku, cikgu aku tu provided the semangat untuk aku capai cita-cita aku untuk emulate abah aku punya success. Tapi aku rasa, sampai bila-bila pun kejayaan aku takkan setaraf dengan kejayaan abah.
Anyway, berbalik kepada cerita dunia ahli akademik dan penulisan. Sebelum aku fly baru ni ada aku present paper kat satu conference on Corporate Governance di Kuala Lumpur. Aku tulis paper tu sorang-sorang; an almost unheard of practise by a junior lecturer kat Malaysia in general. Biasanya junior lecturer akan cari co-writer; seorang senior lecturer yang mungkin akan tolong edit atau baca sahaja, tapi nak juga tempek nama dia kat situ.
Aku rasa cukup tak fair bagi seorang senior lecturer tumpang nama kat paper orang lain, tambah separagraph-dua, lepas tu claim dia juga adalah party kepada publication tu. Sebab biasanya yang kerah idea adalah junior lecturer tu; dia yang buat reading, dia yang construct the theoretical basis of the argument, dia yang check validity construct. Kalau nak takat edit pastu nak tempek nama, aku pun pernah edit paper orang. Paper abah dah berapa keping aku tolong baca dan betulkan dari segi grammar dan construct ayat; kenapa abah tak tempek ajer nama aku sebagai co-author dia? Dan yang buat aku sedikit panas hati ialah apabila sesebuah paper itu dipublish, mesti nama senior lecturer keluar dulu, sedangkan aku sangsi banyak input dia dalam paper tu.
Tapi dalam sesetengah keadaan, memang junior lecturer terkejar-kejar mahukan nama senior lecturer kat paper diorang. Especially bila senior lecturer tu ahli dalam bidangnya. Contohnya kalau aku tulis paper finance, lepas tu kebetulan senior staff aku Franco Modigliani ke (budak-budak finance familiar la dengan nama dia ni). Of course aku nak dia endorse - for starters senang proses untuk aku publishkan diri dalam journal terkemuka dunia ehsan goodwill nama dia, dan keduanya aku pasti yakin dengan kesahihan hasil kerja aku sebab orang sehebat dia setuju untuk lend his name to my work.
Tapi kalau takat tempek nama atas dasar nak claim yang kita dah ada publish paper tahun ni so contract akan direnew / senang nak naik pangkat, tak payahlah. Semoga semangat inkuiri aku tetap ada sehingga bila-bila, and I will never have to stoop to such tactics to get my name cited in the works of others. Insyaallah.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/21/2002 12:12:27 AM
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BODY:
Peringatan untuk aku
"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah apa yang ada pada sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri" (Petikan Surah Ar-R'ad, ayat 11)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/21/2002 12:12:15 AM
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BODY:
Laporan terkini
Hmm.. ada lah baik sikit hari ni dari hari semalam. At least dari aspek pengajian aku. Berjaya aku khatamkan suku bab buku Corporate Governance tu. Esok insyaallah khatamkan the chapter and maybe, kalau aku tak keluar bandar, the next chapter as well. Ada 5 chapter aja buku tu, tapi satu chapter panjang-panjang.
Aku baru perasan satu benda pasal aku - I like taking things to the extreme. Bila dah gila nak buat kerja, langsung tak tahu bila nak berehat. Dan bila dah galak sangat berehat, tak reti-reti nak start balik. Tak bagus tu. Islam menggalakkan kesederhanaan dalam hidup. Apa-apa yang kita buat sekalipun, janganlah sampai melampaui batas. Jadi perlu ada perubahan mindset di sini.
Aku ada sedikit risau dengan keadaan supervisor aku yang belum tetap ni. Mungkin kerisauan pasal menda tu la yang mengurangkan motivasi aku nak bekerja. Mungkin salah aku jugak, tukar topik bila dah sampai. Tapi takkan aku nak buat PhD in something yang aku tak minat? Lagipun, mula-mula supervisor aku dua orang, tapi last-last sorang ajer yang aku selalu jumpa. Yang lagi sorang tu sedar ke tidak yang aku ni supervisee dia? Anyway, selagi aku tak jumpa supervisor, aku rasa macam tak cukup syarat lagi PhD aku. Still, it shouldn't stop me from doing any reading, kan? Baik dapatkan fundamentals before nak focus on the real topic.
Walau camne pun, semangat untuk belajar sedikit pulih. Akan aku terus cari di bawah katil, bawah meja dan celah-celah heater, kalau-kalau ada lagi bakinya.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/20/2002 12:45:59 PM
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BODY:
Computer baru
Jam 10 baru aku balik ke Bardsea, berbekalkan periuk nasi untuk agenda masak-memasak nasi tomato keesokkan harinya. Plan punya plan nak tengok movie, entah macam mana layan borak la pulak. Tiba-tiba jam 12.30 malam ada panggilan dari Fylde (salah satu lagi college di Lancaster University ni) - Hilmi nak mintak tolong violet buat speech untuk majlis hari raya; aku pun heret diri turun sekali - takkanlah aku nak duduk sedap sedap dalam bilik sedangkan tuan bilik kena turun? Sampai-sampai di Fylde, ramai rupanya di dapur, membuat murtabak. Projek membuat speech somehow diberikan kepada aku, sementara Hilmi meneruskan usaha mencerai-beraikan ayam dan cik violet memulakan career pendek beliau sebagai tukang balut hadiah. Dengan bantuan Hilmi dan bahasa Malaysia aku yang entah apa apa entah tu, 'ter'jadilah sebuah speech. Kenapa nak berspeech? Haa.. sebab Dato' Salim Hashim, Duta Malaysia ke Britain, telah sudi nak datang majlis makan makan kitorang. Anyway, pagi tu jam 3.30 am baru menapak balik serba kesejukan ke Bardsea.
Pada pagi keesokkan harinya, pergi ke bandar untuk urusan pembelian telefon. Bukan telefon aku, tapi telefon zieha (bukan nama sebenar). Nak dipendekkan cerita, aku akan summarise dalam satu ayat: sedap rupanya bunyi ringtone polyphonic tu.. dulu aku tak heran, sekarang sangat heran! Balik dari bandar, aku mengerahkan tenaga diri sendiri tolong tuan-tuan rumah buat nasi tomato. Masa buat tu seribu keresahan, tak tahu la jadi ke tak. Sebab bila dah masak satu periuk, tuan guru meninggalkan kami dan mula la kitorang cuak.. tak cukup tu tak cukup ni. Nak dijadikan cerita, masaknya 50 pot nasi, guna 4 stove dan sekali masak boleh la guna 4 periuk yang mampu menampung dalam 16 pot. Banyak round la jugak masak, tapi hasilnya, alhamdulillah.. tiada yang komplen.. malahan.. hehehe..
Malam tu masa majlis, aku resah gak dok tunggu bila train Cik Kieli nak sampai dari London. Takut nasi abis. Tapi akhirnya sampai gak dia, dan oleh kerana kelewatan beberapa dif dif kehormat, ada juga rezeki dia menjamah nasi tomato yang aku tolong masak tu. Nak gi amik dia kat train station, aku 
Durham Cathedral, Summer 2001 
Usually he plays in central defence, but for the past few games his role has predominantly been defensive midfielder, playing just in front of the (makeshift) back four of Brown, Silvestre, Gary Neville and O'Shea. And in this role, he has won many important balls for United, supporting the back four with the defence but also supplying the wingers with creative passes to set up goals.
On the whole, United were the better side, although Deportivo did show flashes of brilliance. 
Ada la sekali dua aku cuak jugak sebab Deportivo macam nak score, tapi Fabien Barthez was in outstanding form and there was little for the fans to worry about. Ruud van Nistelrooy scored twice on either side of half time to make United worthy 2-0 winners on the night.
One thing about tengok bola kat stadium atau bersama-sama United supporters yang lain - they would speak 'to' the players as if they knew them: when cheering Phil Neville on, for example, they would call him Phillip, Wesley for Wes Brown and Seba for Juan Veron; as if these names were common parts of their own households - macam kenal ajer. Come to think of it, though, if you've been a United fan for the better part of your life, well, they are part of your househild, aren't they?
Tiga empat minggu ni alhamdulillah nampaknya ada peningkatan dari segi permainan United. There seems to be hunger and wanting once again ; kadang-kadang, bila diorang dah terlalu terror / terlalu banyak menang, the desire to win may not be there anymore. Tapi motivasi untuk United menang Champion's League season ni cukup kuat - finals will be at Old Trafford; so don't bet against me not being there!
Best bits:
John O'Shea running past defenders all the way into the box, only to be foiled at the last hurdle. The lad is only 21.
Gary Neville's one on one with the Deportivo keeper. If only he scored!
Best chant of the night:
"Are you watching Merseyside?" - for the Liverpool fans, whose team face 'giants' such as Vitesse Arnhem in their quest for European glory
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/11/2002 10:26:41 AM
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BODY:
Back to normal.. almost!
Petang semalam buat pertama kali dalam beberapa hari, dapur aku berasap balik. Masak kari ikan and sayur cendawan goreng untuk makan malam. Flatmate aku yang Chinese pelik aku memasak jam 6.30 petang sebab dia kata biasanya aku makan jam 4 petang. Malas aku nak explain pasal puasa dan raya, jadi aku cakap ajer tadi aku tak lapar. Slack jugak kari aku.. kurang garam. Tapi sebab malas nak panaskan balik, aku makan ajer. Ada seketul lagi ikan; next time nak makan aku letaklah apa-apa yang patut.
Lega sikit minggu ni, sebab aku tak banyak kerja dah regarding AcF211. Tinggal satu tutorial ajer esok, lepas tu habislah bebanan kerja mengajar aku. Tapi kerja tetap tak selesai. I have to seriously start mapping out my research direction. Pening kepala ni; supervisor pun tak confirm lagi. Aku dah cancel project menjelajah ke Scotland cuti ni sebab aku tak boleh nak enjoy selagi semua benda tak settle.
Takpelah, lepak Lancaster pun apa salahnya. Dulu masa Masters kuat aku merayap, tak dapat nak fully appreciate a lot of things. This cuti, walaupun ramai juga yang pergi melancong dan melencong, aku rasa masih ada yang stay kat Lancaster. So one way or another, still ada activity luar darjah yang boleh dijalankan. Senang ajer nak keep Idlan entertained. Bagi dia buku cerita banyak-banyak. Confirm enjoy!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/9/2002 10:09:58 AM
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BODY:
Membuka rumah
Semalam, Ahad 8 December bersamaan 4 Syawal, kitorang makan free lagi. Nampak gayanya, theme blog entry untuk minggu ni semuanya berkisar tentang makan rumah terbuka ni. Maybe sebab aku tak expect kot ada open house macam ni meriah sekali. Pengalaman aku di Lancaster, kitorang akan solat sunat Aidilfitri pada 1 Syawal, followed by some mid-morning snack style food at a certain house - dulu biasanya rumah Abang Sabri. Lepas tu nak makan sakan, tunggu M'sian Soc punya majlis, which this year is going to be on 14 Dec.
This year, however, semua orang full-swing celebrate hari raya macam kitorang ni kat Malaysia. Open house tak putus-putus dari 1 Syawal sampai ke hari Selasa nanti. Bila dah ada peluang duduk ramai-ramai, lepak ramai-ramai; seronok jadinya. Jarang sebenarnya kami dapat berkumpul macam ni ramai, terutamanya post-grad dan undergraduate. Maybe sebab tahun ni, ramai postgraduate family yang ada kat sini; jadi motivasi untuk bermeriah macam ni memang terbuka luas!
Anyway, hari Ahad dimulakan dengan serbuan ke rumah Yana/Hizbullah di Bowland. Menu cukup menarik sekali - nasi lemak! 
Dah lama tak merasa nasi lemak; seperti biasa entah berapa kali aku tambah, while maintaining a vigilant lookout for paparazzi. Masa ni la jugak konsortium undergrad decide nak buat juga open house; dan sebagain post-graduate yang kurang sedar diri, aku pun masuk sekali join konsortium ni. Time and place - Kampung Bardsea, malam Isnin. Kira ad-hoc jugalah, tengah-tengah berhari-raya di rumah Yana sempat lagi kami pergi ke Sainsbury's untuk membeli bahan mentah.
Balik dari Sainsbury's, kitorang pun serbu rumah seterusnya: Kak Jaz/ Abang Imie di Lonsdale. Juadah yang dihidangkan - laksa Kelantan. Yahuuu! Masih ada lagi makanan yang ada kena mengena dengan asal-usulku. Laksa Kelantan ni, istimewanya, di makan dengan tangan. Aku tak tahu la ada ke tak orang masih amalkan, tapi aku memang dah terbiasa macam tu - nampak la ciri-ciri kekampungan sebentar.. sungguh bangga! Sebab ramai sangat orang dan kanak-kanak riang ria berPower Rangers semuanya, kitorang senyap-senyap masuk bilik tengah dan bukak kedai kopi sendiri. Jadi bukan setakat kaum bapa dan ibu sahaja yang bersosial, budak-budak remaja (heheh.. remaja ke aku??) pun ada port sendiri. 
Awal jugak balik malam tu (compare dengan malam-malam lain) - jam 10 malam rasanya dah sampai ke bilik. But not before proving to the world that my sense of direction memang fail. Aku balik awal sebab nak prepare for lectures hari Isnin. Dahlah hari Isnin tu memang nak kena masak lagi, jadi jadual hidup masa tu agak hectic jugalah.
Isnin
Pagi-pagi bangun, tak cerah tanah dah menapak ke Management School. Ada beberapa perkara perihal test yang perlu aku selesaikan, not to mention nak collect notes for the 12pm lecture. Lepas tu jam 10.15 menapak ke Kampung Bardsea.. semua orang berada di dapur dan jenuh la jugak tekan bell.. hehhehe... tapi sesampainya di sana rupanya dah siap kuah laksa. Ya.. kitorang pun buat laksa juga: Laksa Johor. Plannyer, buat a variety of dishes, so ada choice, but for every dish takdelah banyak sangat.
Jam 11.30 aku ke kelas seorang diri . Aku dah siap kensel consultation hours 'due to unforeseen circumstances' dan kembali ke Bardsea untuk fasa kedua masak-memasak. Kiranya aku bukanlah pakar sangat bab-bab dapur ni, jadi the most yang aku buat pun tolong sana tolong sini, potong-potong, bancuh dan rebus itu rebuts ini. Kuli lelong lah katakan.
Menu kami: laksa johor, roti jala, kari, a variety of cakes and puddings, biskut-biskut raya. Tak sangka teramat popular roti jala; terpaksa buat a new batch! Laksa Johor pun kuahnya kami buat lagi sekali sebab sambutan amat mengalakkan. Aku tengok budak-budak undergrad lega sebab open house depa sama hebat dengan open house postgrad berfamily.
Dah habis makan dan berkemas, buka pula round seterusnya : main card. Heheh.. aku cukup kurang mahir.. entah apa-apa aku buat aku pun tak tahu.. lagipun dah nak mengantuk rasanya time tu. Jam 1 pagi baru mula menapak balik ke bilik ; ada juga jemputan supaya tidur saja di Bardsea tapi aku amat cintakan katilku.. dahlah seharian tak berjumpa semenjak ditinggalkan pada pagi itu.
All in all, aku rasa puas betul. Raya tahun ni, tak macam raya di rantauan rasanya. Anak-anak postgrad memeriahkan suasana, mengingatkan aku time-time aku la yang duduk terrorise rumah orang di Durham some 18 odd years ago. Kalau diorang ni Power Rangers masa kini, akulah Thundercats masa lampau. Yang paling best sekali tengok development pergaulan budak-budak ni. Dulu semua jenis senyap, pemalu dan pendiam. Tapi since hampir setiap hari berjumpa, masing-masing dah cukup mesra dan bermain-main bersama-sama.
Pressure semua ni. Sebab tahun depan, masa raya, kena lebih hebat kalau tak sama dengan tahun ini!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/7/2002 11:00:26 PM
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BODY:
Raya sakan
Nampaknya warganegara Lancaster berhari-raya sakan tahun ni. Tak putus-putus dari hari raya pertama open house. Semalam (hari raya kedua) ada open house di rumah Kak Haniz. Aku tak sure nak pergi jam berapa time tu, sebab petang Jumaat ni biasanya aku ada seminar. Tambahan pula semalam, budak-budak AcF211 ada test. Pikir punya pikir, last-last aku decide ponteng ajer seminar tu. Dah dua minggu berturut-turut aku tak pergi seminar hari Jumaat. Sebab dua-dua topic berkenaan dengan finance.
Anyway, rumah Kak Haniz ada makanan mi bandung & tak lupa juga pitta bread dan chicken curry. 
Cukup enak.. lebih-lebih lagi kari ayamnya. Aku last-last duduk tambah kari dan kentang ajer.. hirup kuah dari makan dengan roti. Mesti tuan rumah pelik kenapa kuahnya yang cepat habis, tapi roti tak luak-luak.
Lepas di rumah Kak Haniz terus aku ke dewan peperiksaan. Juan dah tunggu dah kat depan tu. Lepas sorang, sorang anak-anak Melayu masuk. Penat ajer nampak sorang-sorang.. aku kesian jugak - sure diorang mood nak raya tapi terbantut sedikit sebanyak - tapi takpelah, lepas test sure raya sakan semua tu.
Belah malam raya kedua, aku gi lepak-lepak di budak-budak junior. Terasa macam postgrad kurang sedar diri.. hehhe.. takpe, yang penting, enjoy! Lepak dan borak-borak sakan la jugak, sedar tak sedar dah jam satu pagi. Nak tak nak terpaksa menapak kembali ke Graduate College. Nasib baik la memang Friday night, jadi masih meriah lagi campus dengan orang-orang yang baru balik beryam-seng dekat bandar.
Hari raya ketiga - Sabtu
Hari ni ada dua open house. Satu petang, lagi satu malam. Aku duduk la pikir, aku nak cari time slot macam mana nak ke bandar untuk membeli belah? Cupboard di dapur memang pasrah dan kering kontang. Nak tak nak, menapak aku cari bas ke bandar seawal jam 9 pagi. Tu pun dah ramai orang. Belilah barang sedikit sebanyak; akhirnya berjaya pulang ke bilik before 11.45am. Cepat-cepat sumbat baju raya dalam beg & bergegas ke Fylde: hari ni Man Utd lawan Arsenal. Plannya, tengok bola, lepas tu baru ke open house. 
Alhamdulillah, berkat sokongan aku dan Ana yang tak berganjak dari depan TV untuk makan di open house, Man Utd menang menunjukkan persembahan mantap dan menewaskan Arsenal dengan jaringan 2-0. Yang tinggal untuk melengkapkan hari Sabtu yang indah bagi aku ialah kalau Liverpool kalah. Terima kasih kepada Charlton, harapan tersebut pun menjadi kenyataan. 
Lepas tu bersolek sakan sebab nak ke open house. Niatnya memang nak bergambar, jadi kenalah glamer sikit. Di rumah Kak Ina / Abang Ijan, makan nasi ayam. Berapa round aku bangun amik nasi dan ayam, aku pun tak ingat. Ada juga percubaan untuk merakamkan kejadian tersebut di videocam, tetapi serangan dapat dipatahkan.
Balik dari Furness, aku rehat-rehat kejap. Sebab jam 7 petang, niatnya nak attack open house Konsortium Bowland pulak. Yang ni memang berjaya aku attack dengan serbuan berkumpulan. Sambil-sambil layan TV, sambil-sambil isi perut. Cukup puas hati!
Overall comments
Secara keselurahannya, memang cukup meriah berhari-raya bersama-sama warga Lancaster tahun ni. Banyak open house, banyak peluang nak beramah mesra dengan semua orang. Pendek kata, kalau cuaca tak terlalu sejuk & kalau family semua ada kat sini - tak ubah macam raya di Malaysia. Yang seksanya satu sahajalah.. nak berbaju kurung dalam sejuk-sejuk dan tiupan angin kencang-kencang bahasa. Tapi raya tetap raya.. kugagahi jua.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/6/2002 09:44:29 AM
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BODY:
Hari Raya Kedua di Lancaster
Perghh.. puas rasa tidur hari ni. Set jam terus for 7.30am bangun solat subuh (skrg ni Subuh kat sini habis jam 8.15am).. tak de dah nak kena bangun jam 5.45am untuk sahur. Well, at least for this week lah. Aku berhajat nak ganti puasa secepat mungkin, nak amik kesempatan sempena hari pendek malam panjang sekarang ni. Alang-alang tu dapat amik berkat puasa 6.
So anyway, pagi ni bangun seronok-seronok, terus minum air dengan penuh rasa kepuasan.. dah mandi siap semua.. bergerak la ke dapur nak berbreakfast. Bukak almari baru perasan yang aku ni tak ada stock breakfast. Dulu sampai-sampai memang dah nak puasa, jadi aku takde lah beli cornflakes ke apa.. tadi dalam almari adalah kentang, serbuk dan rempah, gula, kopi.. roti pun tak ada! Nak buat fish finger sandwich pun; fish finger aku dah habis!
Aiseh, haru haru, aku dok pikir. Nak menapak ke South End Stores nak beli makanan rasa macam tak sanggup; kat luar tu cuaca 7 degress ajer; tak berapa sudi aku nak bergelumang dengan cuaca sejuk pagi-pagi buta nih. Tapi nak kena makan jugak.. aku kalau tak breakfast senang kena sakit kepala (pelik kan, kalau puasa masalah ni terus tak timbul.. tapi kalau tak puasa.. ada ada ajer!).
Aku pun teringat la Lina pernah ada tinggal sekarung food dulu. Geledah-geledah, terjumpa la bubur ikan. Bubur ikan pun bubur ikan lah. Janji rock...
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/5/2002 06:52:31 PM
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BODY:
Suatu Hari di Hari Raya - Hari Raya Pertama
Sambutan Hari Raya Aidilfitri bagi kawasan Lancaster dan tempat-tempat yang sama waktu dengannya bermula dengan solat sunat Aidilfitri di Masjid University, hanya beberapa minit selepas jam lapan tiga limau.. eh silap.. lapan tiga lima pagi tadi. Pada pagi hari raya tahun ni, aku pakai baju kurung kedah, kaler hijau bunga-bunga pink. Terasa macam nak melawa, so padankanlah dengan tudung kaler pink. Solat sunat berjalan lancar, cuma ada jugak yang terpaksa keluar sebelum khutbah habis sebab ada kelas jam 9 pagi.
Aku cukup sayu dan terharu tengok budak-budak (adik-adik?) yang pergi kelas tadi.. terbayang kalau tu lah zaman aku yang still study, sudah pasti aku ponteng. In fact, kalau tak raya pun aku ponteng gak. Tapi diorang ni bagus.. sedar tanggungjawab sebagai pelajar dan amanah sponsor etc. Tak macam aku dulu. Kurang kesedaran. Aku ni harap belajar ajer tinggi. Work ethic tak seberapa.
Settle solat raya, aku balik bilik kejap amik filem camera, pastu gi bilik Ana. Sempat bersolek 2-3 kerat, then serbu rumah abang Kamarul / kak Ani. Diorang hari ni ada juadah istimewa.. satay! Tak ubah rasa macam raya di Malaysia kalau ada satay. Duduk kat rumah diorang lama la jugak.. borak-borak, amik gambar, layan lagu raya. Anak abang Kamarul ni ada bela hamster. Ginger nama dia. Semalam masa orang takbir kat rumah abang Kamarul, aku ngan violet dok syok tengok anak-anak abang Kamarul bagi makan hamster tu. Siap buat aksi-aksi gymnastic lagi hamster tu. Malangnya dia tidur siang, jadi tadi kami pergi Ginger sedang enak dibuai mimpi.
Tengahari aku balik bilik sat, solat dan siapkan bahan-bahan untuk tutorial. Kemudian terus menerus ke rumah kak Faridah / abang Jasni. Di sini juadah lagi power.. ada soto dan ada begedil. Berapa round aku sental tadi, aku tak ingat dunia dah. Tapi memang sedap giler. Kak Faridah ada biskut dahlia tadi; cukup aku bercinta dengan biskut tu.
Anyway, jam 2, aku tukar baju pakai selebet sikit & pergi ke kelas. Petang ni aku ada 3 sesi tutorial. Tutorial number 2 tulah yang ramai Malaysian students. Alhamdulillah, walaupun dalam keadaan berhari-raya, semua datang. Rijal dengan songkok dan sampingnya, arien-star siap tertinggal disket kat open house mana tah.. siap berbaju raya semua orang. Lepas kelas tu sempat lagi kitorang bergambar. Hajat di hati, nak bergambar pagi tadi kat rumah abang Kamarul. Tapi Jiden dah balik awal study untuk test esok. So tengoklah, weekend ni, kalau ada rezeki, dapat juga aku bergambar dengan anak murid.
Balik kelas tadi ke rumah Kak Faridah sebentar.. tolong dia basuh pinggan. Kiranya sepanjang musim raya ni aku tawarkan diri jadi kuli lelong. Sebab aku takde konsortium untuk buat open house nih. Jadi aku tawarkan diri ajerlah kepada sesiapa yang memerlukan bantuan tambahan.
Jam 7 tadi plak ada kat surau. Yang ni anjuran Islamic Soc. Jadi juadah lebih berbentuk international. Aku makan jugak ala kadar.. cuma kurang sikit pada aku sebab tak ada kari. Aku kalau nak pekena nasi kaler-kaler ni kena ada karinya.
Jadi itulah cerita sehari dalam pengisian perut dan persaudaraan di Lancaster ni. Esok? Esok perjuangan diteruskan, di rumah yang lain pula.. hehheh.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/5/2002 12:09:06 AM
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BODY:
Selamat Hari Raya
Sah. Memang sah. Hari Jumaat 6 December 2002 adalah hari raya kedua bagi kami di Lancaster, dan kebanyakkan tempat di UK.
Malam ni lepas prepare for tutorial esok, aku ikut budak-budak bertakbir. Dari rumah ke rumah di Lancaster ni, banyak family jugak kami gi. Tak lupa banyak juga perut yang kami isi. Meriah pulak rasanya.. takdelah terlalu blur last-last.
Jadi esok raya. Aku tak mampu nak citer panjang lebar.Banyak nak kena prepare.. hehehhe..
Salam Aidilfitri semua. Maaf zahir batin.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/4/2002 11:08:36 AM
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BODY:
Pening, pening
Cerita-cerita pasal test ni memang aku naik pening. Petang semalam baru dapat email dari Andrea, katanya ada lagi student yang testnya clash dengan test AcF211 aku petang Jumaat tu. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Dah lama dah aku bercerita pasal test ni; apa pasal depa tak sound awal-awal? Rasa macam nak bunuh orang ajer pagi ni.. tapi sabar Idlan.. sabar... puasa nih.. bukan selalu dapat puasa.. setahun sebulan saja. Mungkin kalau esok lepas raya aku pi kerjakan diorang.
Pastu tadi datang seorang, tanya boleh tak dia nak buat test hari Isnin ke.. sebab dia tak sempat study. Katanya, ada family problem, takleh nak concentrate. Convenient sungguh alasan - tak ada surat apa, takde ada bukti apa.. mintak aku extend. Nak je aku cakap.. aku pun esok kira tak sempat nak kerja lah.. sebab aku esok nak raya! Terus terkenangkan kawan aku yang terpaksa siapkan assignment, buat test dan sebagainya sambil temankan abah dia yang sakit kronik di hospital pada masa tu. Bukan aku tak simpati pada student tu, tapi hakikatnya, begitulah kehidupan. Life goes on, whether we've stopped the train to get on or not!
Terpikir lah pulak.. aku zaman student dulu jahat sangat ke? Ye kot.. kalau tak zaman univ, sudah pasti zaman sekolah.. sebab tu sekarang ada juga dua-tiga kerat terlebih bijak pandai dalam kelas tu!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/4/2002 08:47:52 AM
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BODY:
Bila Raya?
Hmmm... believe it or not, kitorang tak sure lagi bila sebenarnya raya. Kalau ikutkan London Central Mosque, hari Khamis. Tapi biasanya di Lancaster kami akan ikut masjid di bandar. Malam nanti baru tahu nih.. kena make sure malam ni tak terlalu anti-social.. kena pandai call sana-sini; kalau tak nanti ada pulak yang tak solat sunat Aidilfitri pagi esok.. seperti mana yang hampir berlaku masa Hari Raya Haji 2001.
Kalau kena hari Khamis memang hilang la segala mood raya - ada 3 tutorial hari tu. Bestnya time-time aku student betul-betul dulu.. ada tak ada tutorial, kalau dah raya, jamin ponteng! Ini.. kalau cikgunya yang ponteng.. hehehhe.. haru haru. Baru ingat nak melaram baju raya. Nampaknya pagi tu bolehlah melaram sekejap, lepas tu petang kena tukar balik.
Tapi bak kata member aku, kalau nak lah sangat raya macam kat Malaysia, siapa suruh pergi belajar jauh-jauh? Nak terasa glamer jadi overseas student, kenalah juga terima hakikat kekurang-glamerannya.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/4/2002 12:42:07 AM
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BODY:
Syukur
Kat depan aku ada beberapa gambar adik aku Nadia. Mostly yang posed lah; kitorang pegang dia atau letakkan dia duduk in such a way. Except for satu gambar dia tengah tidur. Tulah gambar favourite aku, sebab tiap-tiap hari macam tu lah dia. Tidur ajer kerja dia...
Aku dua tiga hari ni asyik komplen ajer.. kena kerja hari raya lah, tak dapat parcel raya lah... terlupa pulak nak kira perkara-perkara yang patut aku bersyukur. Sesungguhnya aku patut bersyukur sebab:
1. Hari ni aku masih bernafas lagi
2. Aku masih mampu call mak abah aku
3. Aku ada peluang nak sambung belajar
4. Aku dapat hidup dalam suasana aman damai
5. Aku dapat berhari-raya bersama kawan-kawan
Malam ni aku tengok anak-anak murid yang bakal mengambil ujian hari Jumaat ni dah start belajar. Timbul la pulak rasa guilty di hati sebab periksa diorang terlalu dekat dengan raya, kalau tak kena hari raya tu sendiri. Tapi aku tak mampu dah nak anjak... dah lumrah anak rantau, ni semua dugaan. Bak kata pepatah, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Kalau aku anjak minggu depan, dah lah diorang ada coursework, ada pulak beberapa test lain yang diorang kena jawab. Test-test yang lain tu, kalau nak tanya soalan-soalan, boleh gak aku jawab. Test yang ni tak boleh ye.. kena fair kat semua orang dalam kelas tu.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/3/2002 08:41:32 PM
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BODY:
Lagipun, tahun ni family aku berhari raya agak sibuk juga.. Nadia's first raya. Duit sure banyak keluar.. dah lah nak datang baru ni aku terpaksa pinjam duit abah sikit buat seed money. Cuma terfikir juga, nak merasa kuih raya dari rumah. Bukannya mak aku buat pun.. rumah kami takde oven.. sah-sah kuih raya beli.. jadi apalah bezanya dengan makan kuih raya orang lain, ye tak?
Nak datang baru ni pun dah dekat nak Ramadhan.. baju raya pun dah siap.. dah bawak naik flight lagi baju-baju raya aku. Nasib baik tak pakai baju raya naik flight ajer.. hehehhe. Lagipun tahun ni umur aku dah masuk 25 tahun. Dah suku abad. Takkan tak pandai lagi bawak diri kat tempat orang? Aku tak kisah pun raya jauh, cuma yang aku dok sedih sebab depa semua takde nak raya ngan aku kat sini.. and aku dok miss gila kat diorang, dok risau gila diorang nak drive balik kampung nie.. diorang tak ingat ke kat aku?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 12/2/2002 02:50:38 PM
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BODY:
Walaupun jauh di mata...
Rasanya setakat ni, aku dah recover dah sedikit sebanyak dari kelakuan kurang sesuai bekerja tanpa henti. Aku dah plan sebaik-baiknya dan dah start letak limit on what I should and should not do dalam sehari tu. Macam hari ni, target aku nak siapkan slides for Lecture 19 and revise untuk lecture esok ajer. Any spare time left, aku akan guna untuk perkara-perkara 
nampaknya sudah berjaya mengembalikan sentuhan berbisa beliau yang dimilikinya ketika bersama Independiente. Amacam - boleh ganti Zainal Abidin Rawop tak?
Akhir kata, tadi aku baca blog violet pasal journal-journal lama dia. Jengah-jengah dalam laci, terjumpa juga journal buku aku zaman-zaman aku university dulu. Aku bawak banyak juga journal aku ke mari sebab takut orang terjumpa dan terbaca yang tak patut dibaca. Sebab tu kot tak muat beg nak letak baju. Aku baca-baca balik, nampaklah sedikit perkembangan kematangan fikiran (at least, I'd hope to think so!). Cuma tulisan ajer tak berubah dari dulu hingga ke sekarang. Dan dalam journal tu aku perasan, aku tak pernah sebut pun pasal cita-cita nak buat Masters/PhD. Bersyukur yang amat aku berjaya berada di sini sekarang. Alhamdulillah.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/30/2002 11:52:20 PM
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BODY:
Workaholics Anonymous
Akhirnya aku berjaya di'pujuk' untuk keluar bercar-boot sale esok. Tapi malam ni memang aku full speed ahead siapkan kerja lah. Entah jam berapa lah malam ni aku tidur.. isk..
Dulu masa aku di Muadzam, work ethic aku membahayakan jugak. Masuk kerja jam 7 pagi, tak cecah 8.30 malam tak balik ke 'rumah'. Solat, makan etc, semua dibuat di pejabat. Balik ke rumah memang semata-masa untuk tidur.. esok bangun terus ke ofis semula. Ada saja kerja yang aku cari untuk siapkan, kalau tak itu, ini. Tapi dalam keadaan begitu, setiap weekend aku balik ke KL, aku for sure takkan bawak balik kerja punya. Weekend memang untuk 
Sekarang ni, aku masih kerja 7 hari seminggu. Dalam kepala aku, Sabtu & Ahad bukanlah hari cuti, tetapi 2 hari extra untuk aku teruskan buat kerja tanpa gangguan luar. Kalau hari minggu, aku kena keluar dari bilik dan mengajar atau ke seminar, weekends aku boleh 100% concentrate duduk kat depan PC. Satu trend yang membahayakan. Aku mula risau ; tak nak kerja jadi satu obsession pulak; karang tak pasal-pasal jadi workaholic. Yang paling merisaukan - dua perkara. Aku tak mampu nak enjoy kalau aku ke bandar etc sebab asyik teringatkan kerja. Dan keduanya, di Muadzam boleh lah aku kata escapism. Kat sini, nak escape dari apa lagi? Memang sinilah the ultimate escape bagi aku.
Workaholic ni bukannya orang yang rajin bekerja. Workaholic ni orang yang terlalu taksub dengan kerja hinggakan aspek lain dalam hidupnya diabaikan. Kalau masa sekolah orang suruh kita study smart, maka masa bekerja kenalah work smart. Sebab tu esok aku paksa juga diri supaya keluar dari sini. Kena didik diri supaya jangan jadi workaholic. Nanti kalau aku burnout, susahkan diri sendiri jugak. Kesihatan kena jaga. Tidur kena cukup. Rehat pun kena ada.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/30/2002 07:32:51 PM
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BODY:
Untuk siapa kita menulis
Satu persoalan yang menarik juga yang toksik ketengahkan dalam guestbook aku tu. Aku pun terfikir juga, aku menulis ni kenapa? Dan untuk siapa? Untuk kepuasan sendiri? Sudah tentu. Inilah antara lain outlet untuk melepaskan yang terbuku, yang tersirat dan yang tersurat. Dari segi tu, memang kita tak boleh kisah sangat tentang apa orang kata.. tugas kita menulis; kalau menulis kepada diri sendiri pun nak menipu, habis, bagaimana?
Dalam pada itu, apa yang kita nak tulis, kena bertapis juga. Ruang cyber terlalu luas dan tanpa batasan - terlalu banyak bercerita perihal rahsia, nanti tidak lagi menjadi rahsia. Itu sendiri memberi gambaran tentang the potential of the power of weblogs as a communication medium. Mungkin ada orang major Comms. nak buat PhD ke dalam hal ni? Buat kajian sikit?
Bagi sesetengah orang, weblog merupakan sumber komunikasi. Aku ada juga tengok orang menggunakan blog ini sebagai satu medium untuk berkomunikasi dengan mereka yang jauh di 
Jadi aku nak ucapkan terima kasih kerana meyinggah dan terus meyinggah; itulah motivasi bagi aku untuk terus menulis! Ini bukan blog aku yang pertama; dah banyak kali projek blog aku terbelangkalai sebab jadi malas - bila ada orang membaca terasa macam rajin sikit nak update. Macam performer pulak jadinya ; ada audience, seronok dia perform.. takde audience, dia pun tak ada mood.
Tadi pagi selepas subuh (yang hampir gajah!) aku terus mandi (sebab mata masih penat) and finally decided to call member aku kat Malaysia. For quite a long time dia memang partner in crime aku kat Bangi tu; ke mana aku tak heret dia, especially kalau nak pekena wayang pagi Ahad. Aku miss jugak sebenarnya kat dia sebab yelah, dah ada geng sekepala.. tapi of course lah kan takkan mengaku kat dia or sesiapa yang kenal dia.. control tetap control! Cuma aku tetap cuba lobby dia buat Masters di Lancaster nie... heh heh heh...
Apa-apa pun, nak kena gi ke bandar. Rasanya kena juga keluarkan cash di NatWest di bandar.. bukan banyak hari aku ada yang free; alang-alang dah ada ni, baik aku belikan terus Nadia punya birthday present. Nanti dah kalut dengan kerja tak menyempat nak keluar. Ni pun asas nak keluar sebab beras dah habis! Kalau tak... bertapalah aku depan PC nih..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/30/2002 12:51:38 AM
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BODY:
Bila nak study??
Hari ini memang hari yang penuh dengan aktiviti, tapi kurang berfaedah dari segi akademik. Dari pagi tadi brain aku macam kurang mahu bekerjasama dengan diri aku yang nak buat kerja. Nak baca artikel pagi tadi macam nak pengsan rasanya; last-last tak baca apa-apa artikel baru pun; hantar pada supervisor notes based on apa yang aku baca sebelum ini. For sure kena marah Selasa ni, tapi lantaklah. Enjoy dulu weekend ni, kena marah pikir kemudian!
Petang tadi aku buat perangai.. tak pergi seminar, tetapi sebaliknya pergi ke Morecambe untuk bowling. Ikutkan, naik bas dari university memang boleh terus ke Morecambe. Tapi pakcik yang kurang deria pendengaran tu ingatkan Ana nak ke bandar. So kami tukar bas di bandar. Sampai ke bandar Morecambe, kitorang kena 'halau' dari bas sebab pakcik tu pun pekak sikit.. dia ingat kitorang nak ke town centre bukan ke bus stand. So terpaksa menapak ke Superbowl.
Main bowling, sorang dua game. Tapi sebab ada 12 orang, lama la jadinya. Dah jam 7.30 baru keluar dari superbowl, nak main laser quest la pulak. Aku tak kisah.. cuma tak pernah main sebelum ni. My first impression of the game.. okaylah.. nak kata aku giler laser quest lepas ni tu taklah, tapi kalau orang ajak aku pergilah. 
Balik tadi dah masuk jam 10. Nampal gaya memang satu kerja tak jalan hari ni. In a way it's good, sebab aku dapat rehatkan otak sedikit sebanyak. Tapi rasanya dah terlebih rehatkan nih. Kena paksa diri masuk mode kerja balik.
Weekend ni, most probably pagi esok aku akan ke bandar sebentar sebab beras dah habis. Nak beli toys untuk Nadia ni sebenarnya; tapi switchcard masih belum dapat, jadi masih belum mampu berbelanja mewah. Ahad most probably aku kensel projek nak ke carboot sale. Banyak lagi kerja lain yang perlu aku utamakan!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/29/2002 10:05:42 AM
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BODY:
Report
Semalam nak masuk jam 2 baru aku tidur, tapi pagi tetap bangun awal sebelum berakhir Subuh.. mata masih kelat, terkebil-kebil.. tapi perjuangan tetap akan diteruskan.. aku kena juga sediakan report nak hantar ke supervisor hari ni. Bukan report kebenda pun; cuma dia nak tengok aku punya proposed topic setakat ni macam mana, apa development aku dalam mencernakan idea-idea.. tapi aku still nak tunjuk la jugak effort yang aku usahakan selama 2 minggu nie; or better said, aku nak lah beri gambaran yang aku ada buat effort dalam masa dua-tiga minggu nih. Sebab aku ada la pikir and baca, tapi tak mencapai tahap yang memuaskan bagi aku.. banyak kerja lain yang dapat tumpuan aku..jadi research idea tu tumpul. Tapi tak nak tunjuk mcm aku tak buat kerja; sebab diorang dah penat lelah carikan duit untuk aku.. aku datang sini bukan untuk holiday (ini adalah ayat untuk meningatkan diri bahawa petang ini saya PATUT ke seminar.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/29/2002 01:03:04 AM
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BODY:
Kad raya
Fuuh.. aku dah dapat kad raya pertama dari Malaysia. Satu dari Kak Ina, senior aku yang sekarang kerja kat Yayasan Tenaga Nasional. Lagi satu dari Fisz, junior aku yang juga kerja di YTN sama ngan Kak Ina. Siap dapat kad korporat TNB lagi tahun ni.. heh heh heh.. boleh la start menghias bilik aku yang tak seberapa nih. Puas hati.. hehehe.. kepada rakan-rakan muda yang lain, aku tetap menanti kehadiran warkah dari seberang lautan.. especially yang dah mintak alamat tu.. heh heh.
Hari ni rasa macam lega sikit.. dah kurang rasa berat beban etc. Mungkin sebab berborak lama, ditambahkan pula dengan kerja yang dah selesai, terasa sedikit kelegaan dalam otak aku yang agak berserabut dua-tiga hari ni. Once dah clear tugas mengajar aku ni, boleh la aku fokus kepada membaca dan mendapat gambaran asas kepada apa yang bakal diperjuangkan selama tiga tahun lagi!
Sedikit komen perihal apa yang toksik sebut dalam guestbook aku.. memang aku setuju dengan kata-kata dia tu. Rahmat, hikmah dan rezeki dari Allah datang dalam berbagai bentuk.. dan kadangkala di sebalik yang pahit itulah kemanisan yang bakal kita kecapi. (Chewaah.. dah jadi bahasa cerpen la plak dah; apsal la masa SPM dulu tak mampu karang ayat camni?)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/28/2002 11:18:25 AM
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BODY:
Analisa lirik lagu raya
Aku tak habis-habis lagi jiwang dengan lagu raya nie. Entah apa-apa entah, kadang-kadang dok gelakkan diri sendiri. Especially bila lagu Ku Pohon Restu Ayah Bonda tu.. memang dia cerita pasal tak dapat jumpa parents masa raya. Pastu aku dok la teliti lirik-lirik lagu raya lain.. antaranya.. Suatu Hari di Hari Raya (fevret aku) dan juga Dari Jauh Ku Pohon Maaf. Memang central theme most of the lagu raya yang aku tengok, kemaafan. Itu memang dah sah, sebab Hari Raya memang kita kaitkan dengan memohon maaf.
Another central theme is ibu bapa. Sebab most probably ibu bapa lah orang yang paling banyak kita berdosa dengan, tapi dalam pada masa yang sama, ibu bapa jugalah yang paling banyak ampunkan kita. Cuma ada beberapa lagu yang berkisarkan kemaafan, tapi bukan kepada ibu bapa - Pulanglah (Aishah) lebih bercorak kemaafan dalam suatu relationship, dan Lebaran Ini (Raihan & the Gang) lebih bercorak kemaafan ummah secara amnya.
Itulah kot sebabnya bila dah kejauhan ni, yang aku terblues sebentar. Teringatkan betapa banyaknya dosa dengan mak abah, dan secara standardnya mestilah terharu sebab peluang nak bersalaman tu tak ada. Salam tu simbolik aku rasa.. aku yakin semua orang pernah maafkan orang lain walaupun tanpa adanya upacara bersalaman. Bukannya aku tak boleh nak bermaafan di telefon pagi raya tu. Cuma rasa tak lengkap bila tak bersalaman.
Gambar hari raya warga Malaysia Lanaster University, England 
Lepas lecture tadi, aku mulakan operasi hantar kad raya. Terserempak dengan Mas kat pos office, dia pun ada projek sama. Nampaknya dia ada pakai kot yang aku sambar dari dia hari tu.. hehehe.. Aku tanya pakcik tu (dengan penuh gaya dan sleng mat salleh aku) berapa sen nak hantar poskad ke Malaysia, dia jawab 42p. Pastu dia tanya aku.. akhir-akhir ni ramai betul orang Malaysia hantar kad.. ada apa-apa ke.. Aku cakaplah.. pakcik.. kitorang nak raya.. macam Christmas dia lah.
Ada student datang consult aku pasal test. Layan dia, jam 3.30 baru dapat keluar dari ofis. Biasanya habis consultation hour hari ni jam 3ptg, hari ni terlajak sedikit. Lintang pukang jugak balik, nasi belum tanak, lauk belum hangatkan.. dah dan dan nak berbuka. Ada sedikit baki ayam masak merah aku semalam.. ingatkan nak makan dengan telur mata cair.. bukak-bukak almari dah takde dah telurnya.. aiseh! So aku makanlah nasi dengan ayam tu sikit.
Jam 6.15 petang aku turun ke Popeye dengan seorang warga Lancaster yang aku tak kenal lagi sebelum nih. Sebab alang-alang nak gi Spar beli telur, dan juga sebab berbuka tak berapa kenyang. Aku camne camne pun berbuka mesti nasi. Snek-snek lain, malam sikit baru aku jamah kalau lapar. Tapi kadar ketotokan Melayu aku masih kuat.. tak jumpa nasi, tak kenyang! Di Popeye, jumpa Abang Amirul.. dia kerja malam ni, jadi sempat layan borak. Lepas tu pergi ke bilik Ana di Fylde.. bola dah start la pulak dah.. terlekat kat situ for the first half. By the time aku balik, Manchester behind 0-1 lawan FC Basle. Tak senang duduk dibuatnya.
Half time aku balik.. entah camne rasa penat betul mata aku. Aku paksa jugak buat kerja, akhirnya siap Lecture Notes 17. Lecture Notes 18 tak jamah lagi. Patut by esok biasanya aku dah submit dah pada Andrea. Takpelah, katanya pagi Khamis still boleh. Sambil taip nota, sambil tengok kebangkitan Manchester United. 3 gol dalam masa beberapa minit sahaja, cukup untuk mereka pulang ke Old Trafford dengan 3 mata - top of the group sebab Deportivo La Coruna seri dengan Juventus.
Sekarang ni dah start sikit Lecture 18. Tapi masih tak puas hati tentang email aku yang tak muncul-muncul. Koman-koman takkan Fisz tak balas kot, kalaupun orang lain buat tak heran. Cuba try test. Hantar dari hotmail ke account Lancaster aku. Takde respons. Sah.. mesti ada kena mengena dengan migrasi email system aku dari pop server ke exchange server. Mulalah start mereki sana sini.. korek sana korek sini, sumbat password itu, sumbat password ini.. akhirnya, jelas sangkaan ku benar. Email-email aku masih ada tercatuk di server exchange. Ada dalam 18 semuanya, 8 of which dari SSRN. Aku dah agak dah... takkan ada orang yang akan lupa untuk email aku!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/26/2002 09:29:39 AM
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BODY:
Ramblings
Aku baca balik blog entries aku over the past two days ; there seems to be a central theme of melancholia surrounding them. Sort of a bit different from the past entries that I've been making. Thought once, thought twice about taking the entries off as they seemed a bit uncharacteristic, but I finally decided not to. I've come to realise that this blog, which I've been writing in for fun and to catch my (bullet) train of thoughts more than anything else, has also become representative of my state of mind at any given point in time.
And after reading my (book-based) journal which I kept during my university days, well.. it'd be good to keep the memories. Every time I read a passage in that journal, I could sort of conjure up what I was feeling at that point in time. Cool, eh? Plus it isn't always that I am at ease with my feelings so much as to write them all down for the world to read. Perhaps a good move in the emotions department for myself.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/25/2002 08:57:17 PM
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BODY:
Only you know when you should stop..
Entah la apa pasal, malam ni rasa penat semacam. Tadi lepas berbuka, rasa mengantuk yang amat. Padahal baru jam 5 petang. Nasib baik tak terlelap sebelum sempat Maghrib. Mungkin betul kata toksik, mental aku kepenatan. Maklumlah, memang 24-7 aku depan PC, kalau tak menaip, membaca, kalau tak membaca, ada ajer analisa yang aku tengah buat.
Ataupun mungkin sebab malam tadi tidur & jaga terkejut sebab adik aku yang bertuah sorang tu call aku jam 4 pagi waktu UK sebab nak tanya bila nak suruh dia masukkan duit aku. Selalu dia macam tu.. aku cukup pantang terkejut dengar bunyi telefon tengah malam; khuatir aku kalau-kalau panggilan emergency dari Malaysia.
Dah pergi buat air kopi tadi. Tapi kepala aku tak compute apa aku baca. Rasa macam blur yang amat malam ni. So aku stop la dulu. Balas-balas email.. main game dulu.. hehehhe.. takpun ambil peluang tulis kad raya ke. Lepas tu malam ni masuk tidur awal sikit. Esok lepas sahur dah boleh terus bangun.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/25/2002 03:09:54 PM
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BODY:
Lagi-lagi cerita raya
Monday is here again. Pejam-celik, dah 3 minggu aku berada di bumi bertuah Lancaster nie. Feels like I've been here forever, and at the same time, haven't been here enough. Hari Isnin & Hari Selasa, aku ada tugasan lecture. 1 jam setiap hari. Rabu takde lecture, tapi PhD student ada seminar yang kena attend. Hari Khamis pulak, aku ada tutorials.. 3 tutorials x 1 jam = 3 jam aku membebel sorang-sorang dalam lab tu. Jumaat, ada staff seminar yang PhD students are expected to attend. So kiranya, dalam seminggu, takdelah hari yang aku betul-betul free.
Next semester scenario berbeza.. aku cuma ada 2 tutorials - hari Khamis dua-duanya. Rest of the week, InsyaAllah aku free untuk research aku.
Hari ni aku dapat email dari kawan-kawan 'Muru'. 'Muru' ni stands for nama mailing list kitorang - kami geng masa undergrad and the majority of us sewa satu rumah di Sg Merab masa final year. Nama landlord tu 'Muru'. Itu yang kitorang pakai nama Geng Muru tu. Aku takdelah duduk sekali sebab rumah mak abah sekangkang kera ajer.. tapi rumah tu la tempat aku lepak, especially bila nak keluar ke Uptown malam malam & takut al-Ustaz marah...
Anyway, soalan cepu emas dari Baya & Liz hari ni.. Tanya Baya, "idlan..kau sedih ke tak sedih sambut raya kat sana... aku tau kau kat sana ever happy......". Liz pula menambah, "tanya raya kat sane camne...tapi aku bet nko sure eppy sana...yea la second home nko kan". Bila pikir-pikir balik, loaded juga question diorang tu. Tak reti pulak aku nak jawab direct.. kena pikir dulu.
Last-last aku jawab.. "Sedih ke tak sedih aku raya kat sini.. entahlah. Nak kata sedih, aku cam neutral ajer. Bukan first time. Nak kata tak sedih, nak juga aku berhari raya dengan family.Rindu kat adik-adik aku.. nak bagi diorang duit raya, nak tgk muka diorang dapat duit raya.. etc.. I guess, kalau mak abah aku ada kat UK nie, then aku maybe tak kisah and tak sedih pun raya kat sini. Sbb yang aku miss sebenarnya family aku, lain-lain hal, aku lebih tenang di sini. Entahlah.. one year aku balik hari tu banyak sangat menda pahit berlaku. Maybe, insyaallah, 3 years is long enough for me to get over everything."
Sebab to be truthful, within that one year, I did a lot of growing up - mostly in the 'Life' department. Itupun belum masuk bab-bab relationships ni. Aku teringat mak aku.. every pagi Isnin sebelum aku call dah sampai ke Muadzam, selagi tu dia risau. And petang Jumaat, selagi aku tak tercatuk kat depan pintu rumah, selagi tu dia tunggu kat depan tu.
Kesian kat mak aku.. umur aku 13 tahun, dah kena duduk asrama.. dapat-dapat balik dah besar panjang.. masuk university.. tinggal rumah lagi. Lepas tu datang ke UK.. setahun aku takde (dalam pada masa yang sama dapat pula aku adik lagi seorang!!) Balik dari UK, kena ikut telunjuk orang ke sana ke sini.. & last sekali aku ke mari semula untuk menuntut ilmu dan mencari sedikit ketenangan. Dah balik nanti umur aku dah 28.. bila aku nak manja dengan mak ni?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/24/2002 08:43:07 PM
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BODY:
Lagu Raya
Hobi aku malam-malam sekarang dengar lagu raya kat THR. Bukanlah malam-malam sangat, kat sini baru jam 6.30 ptg tapi dah gelap. Time-time ni kat Malaysia dah jam 2 pagi. Macam-macam jenis-jenis nightcaller nie.. menarik jugak. Entahlah sejak bila aku jadi suka dengar lagu raya plak dah. Biasanya amat lah tak herannya. Mesti ada kena mengena dengan ketidak-stabilan semasa. Mana tak nyer.. tadi aku dengar lagu Westlife pun bunyi macam sedap! Erkkkk....
Tahun ni, masuk kali kedua aku beraya di tempat orang. Macamlah gempak sangat.. orang lain, mcm Pakcik Mohd Nor yang Cik Kieli jumpa atas bas tu dah berapa tahun entah tak balik raya. Last time aku berhari raya kat UK, aku beraya kat rumah kakak member aku di Manchester. Sebab berhari-raya dalam suasana berkeluarga, mungkin tak terasa sangat sedihnya. Tahun nih.. hmm.. mungkin ada sedikit kelainan.
Pertamanya, tahun ni raya jatuh pada hari bekerja biasa di UK. Jadi nak tak nak life goes on. Hari tu aku ada seminar, takdelah heavy sangat. Tapi yang sadisnya... anak-anak murid aku ada test hari tu. Termasuklah arien-star, tulippetal & violet. Tak lah sehorror lagi sorang akak postgrad yang kena defend proposal dia hari tu.
Hakikatnya, kita berada di tempat orang, selagi tak menghalang ibadah kita dan hubungan kita dengan Allah swt., kenalah kita ikut rentak orang. Kita mungkin terbiasa dengan hari raya hari cuti, tapi hatta di Malaysia sekalipun, masih ada yang bertugas pada 1 Syawal. Yang haram, setakat aku tahulah, pada 1 Syawal tu, adalah puasa. Jadi marilah beramai-ramai kita berhari raya di lecture theatre kelak.
Cuma mungkin hari raya tu aku menempel kat rumah sapa-sapa sepanjang hari.. mungkin juga aku ke Kampung Bardsea sepertimana yang dijemput. Hari-hari macam tu, tak boleh layan blues sorang-sorang, ye tak?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/24/2002 12:50:30 PM
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BODY:
Cerita adik-adik
Semalam sambil dengar THR aku SMS adik aku yang matrik tu. Aku tahu dia tak suka tidur malam, and aku tahu dia suka dengar THR. Masa tu DJ nyer nak mainkan lagu raya. Kata Abe, harap-harap keluar lagu Sudirman.. Aku balas, aku tak heran.. Sekali tu memang keluar lagu Sudirman tu.. isk isk isk.. menderu-deru SMS dari adik-adik aku sampai.. tanya.. dah banjir ke Lancaster aku menangis?
Antara adik-adik aku, Abe (bukan nama dalam I/C)(18) & Nadia (1 yrs old this December)
Mcm-mcm juadah ada malam tadi.. ada ayam tandoori, ayam masak merah, sambal, tomyam, laksa penang, pecal.. dan ada macam macam kuih yang aku nampak tapi tak mampu nak namakan sebab aku memang tak kenal kuih. Sebabnya aku tak suka makan kuih... aku ni kurang sangat makan kuih. Buka puasa pun jarang sentuh kuih. Antara menda-menda lain yang aku tak makan - ice cream (kecuali perisa raspberry ripple), chocolate (kecuali Toffee Crisp ngan Twix, bangsa-bangsa cadbury memang tak makan), sayur (kecuali salad, mushroom, celery, tomato & carrot). Buah pun aku kurang, tapi sejak jadi ahli sukan nie.. nak tak nak kena tambah zat badan..
Seronok jugak tadi dapat lepak-lepak & borak-borak dengan semua yang ada di sana. Susah nak berkumpul ramai-ramai macam tu.. kalau dapat tu memang biasa aku suka tunggu semua orang balik baru aku nak balik. Bila dah jauh di perantauan ni, rasa macam best jumpa orang Melayu.
Hmm.. and last but not least, pasal hidup aku yang blues sikit sekarang nie. Aku pun tak tahu la kenapa aku suka mengalah pada keadaan. Padahal menda tu semua kan ke dah lepas? Yang aku dok pikir lagi buat apa? Langsung lah tak macho macam nih. Ntah apa-apa ntah. Patutnya berpegang pada pepatah.. life goes on. Cukup aku tak suka diri aku sendiri dalam keadaan camnie.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/23/2002 01:16:27 AM
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BODY:
Mood yang kurang
Baru balik abis berriadah bersama anak-anak harapan bangsa di Lancaster ni. Ada ke diorang suggest buat undergrad lawan postgrad? Sah-sah aku sorang je postgrad masa tu..
Hari ni aku ada kelas dari jam 2-5. Haru sungguh.. berbuka dalam kelas.Tak macam semalam.. dapat makan nasi tomato & ayam masak merah kat Bardsea. Area Furness tu memang area aku lepak masa buat Masters dulu.. sayu plak semalam tengok kitchen tempat aku selalu hang out.. teringat budak2 dulu. Tapi life goes on.. budak-budak sekarang tak kurang apa-apa pun.. cuma kurang umur ajer.. ehheheh.
Lepas tu tadi balik bilik.. screw specs aku tercabut. Sekarang ni specs aku held together via staples. Kat sini mahal sungguh nak buat specs.. adanyer dekat £100++. Nak eye test pun kena bayar. Terpaksa la suruh orang di Malaysia membuat specs dan hantar ke sini. Bilalah nak telipon, aku tak sure lagi!
Sabtu ni di Lancaster ada jamuan berbuka. Aku ingat nak testing power buat cake lah.. kalau jadi. Nak buat kek, kena gi bandar. Bila nak ke bandar tak tahu lagi. Kerja menimbun!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/21/2002 06:43:58 PM
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BODY:
Tukang sign yang ke Seratus
Aku gi intai guestbook tadi.. nampaknya dah tercapai satu milestone dalam guestbook aku tu - dah lebih seratus. Dan tahniah Cik Kieli kerana menjadi tukang sign ke seratus.. aku bagi hadiah la.. Room and Board kat Flat D409, House 9, Graduate College Lancaster University untuk selama mana la Cik Kieli tahan duduk.. eheheh.. amacam?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/21/2002 11:56:31 AM
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BODY:
Boss Baru
Orang di Malaysia sibuk memperkatakan perihal rumah Tan Sri Ismail yang runtuh di Ampang tu. Antara lain kata kata Tan Sri, for one moment he was at the kitchen table, the next thing he knew, everything dah runtuh. Begitulah. Sekelip mata sahaja kalau Allah dah kata.
On another note, hari ni aku juga dapat berita pasal boss baru aku. Datuk Dr. Halim Shafie is his name, although his appointment is temporary. All this while memang dia berkhidmat dengan kerajaan. He also has an economics degree - dah lama dah takde chairman TNB yang ada business related degree. Aku dah baca bio dia tadi. Nampak macam tak ada pulak dia memegang jawatan wakil rakyat mana-mana. So most probably, Uniten takkan pindah ke ceruk2 mana lagi kot. InsyaAllah.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/20/2002 10:59:16 PM
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BODY:
Harry Potter
Hari ini berjaya sesi lawatan sambil belajar ke panggung wayang Morecambe, untuk menonton Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets. In a away, spoil sikit bagi aku sebab aku dah baca semua buku2 dia.. jadi ending cerita tu aku dah tahu. Tapi still best sebab nak tengok manifestasi benda-benda yang selama ni aku tengok dalam imagination aku ajer. For example.. dalam kepala aku Hermione Granger tu geek, gemuk dan pendek.. dalam citer lawa jugak budak tu.. patutlah Ron Weasley nak kat dia..
Hmm.. lagi satu.. saper yang dah sampai sini.. aku jemput ke guestbook untuk menonton lawak Toksik yang aku tak mampu nak counterattack.. serious.. lawak giler :)
And last but not least, untuk adik2 kat penthouse.. ini dia link yang saya maksudkan tadi.. http://www.orst.edu/groups/msa/reciter.cfm. Click on Reciter 2.0 tu yer..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/19/2002 11:29:40 PM
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BODY:
Dato' dah jadi menteri
Berita paling sensasi aku terima hari ini ialah chairman TNBku yang tercinta, (TNB yang aku cintai, bukan chairman tu ekk.. jgn salah paham).. dah jadi Menteri. Dato' Dr. Jamaluddin Jarjis aku tu dah jadi Menteri Kewangan Kedua Malaysia.
Banyak implikasinya perkara ni.. pertama sekali.. sudah pasti jawatan Pengerusi TNB perlu dilepaskan.. atas dasar corporate governance yang begitu didukung oleh TNB, dan juga requirements KLSE dan undang-undang. Soalnya.. kalau dilepaskan.. sapa yang bakal ganti dia? Dan apa pula implikasi ke atas Kampus Muadzam Shah yang baru nak membangun tu? Apakah TNB akan terus salurkan wang ke sana kalau Dato' dah bukan lagi chairman? Hmmm.....
Anyway, srkg ni aku tengah dengar Tiny Terry and Godfrey on Red104.9, radio yang sering aku dengar dalam perjalanan aku dari KL ke Muadzam Shah.. suatu masa dahulu..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/19/2002 10:07:05 PM
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BODY:
kopi oh kopi
Mengantuk pulak dah malam ni. Baru jam 10 malam. Padahal semalam tidur jam 12; bangun jam 7.30 - sepertimana biasa. Tak turun training pun malam nih.. tapi ngantuk gak. Nampak gaya kejap lagi kena pekena gak lah kopi kat dapur tu..
Aku ni horror jugak bab pekena coffee kalau tengah study / buat kerja. Setakat sampai sini belum capai lagi.. tapi mungkin malam ni kena capai jugak. Nak siapkan gak lecture notes ni supaya boleh diemailkan ke secretary esok. Lagipun esok malam ada jemputan menonton Harry Potter seselesainya berbuka. Sangat menarik proposition tersebut!
Bab-bab ngantuk ni masa belajar mmg dah biasa. Paham sangatlah masalah anak murid yang sering terlelap dalam kelas.. heh heh heh...
Kopi yang paling best bagi aku.. Nescafe Gold Roast. Aku dah cuba mcm2 kopi pelik2, thanks to kawan aku Ramzi yang jelas nya kopi-holic.. tapi yang Nescafe Gold Roast gak sedap. Teringat aku masa kali pertama berpuasa di Muadzam Shah.. pagi2 dikejutkan untuk bersahur di rumah sebelah.. pergilah aku ni pagi-pagi buta.. macam2 juadah ada.. tapi aku terus ke dapur dan sental kopi aku jugak.. black, half a teaspoon of sugar. Cukup!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/19/2002 07:53:35 AM
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BODY:
Iklan Petronas
Iklan Petronas memang menarik dan menyentuh perasaan, tak kira untuk Merdeka, Hari Raya atau apa-apa perayaan. So di sini aku letakkan iklan Petronas sempena Hari Raya ni, yang aku dapat dari member aku. Sangat sesuai untuk anak rantau.
Penulis tidak bertanggungjawab untuk apa-apa implikasi emosional hasil dari penyiaran iklan ini..
Aku dah bukak pitta bread aku last week.. tak makan semua.. amik 2 keping, makan dengan kuah kari. Tertinggal kat tepi tingkap bakinya. Semalam aku nak makan fish finger sandwich.. takde roti.. so aku panaskan pitta bread aku. Nak isi fish finger.. patah dua jadinya. Sebab dah keras! Lantas hari ini aku ke Spar dan membeli sepeket lagi pitta bread, kali ini akan aku simpan dalam tupperware yang bertimbun kat dalam bilik aku nie.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/17/2002 06:07:06 PM
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BODY:
Saling ingat mengingatkan
Surfing weblog toksik tadi.. baca tafsir Surah ali-Imran yang dia post.. tersentuh jugak aku...
Ni dia yang aku 'pinjam' dari web toksik (boleh aaah Toksik.. aku pinjam pastu aku creditkan kat kau nie..)
Surah ali-Imran Ayat 196-197:
196. Janganlah terpengaruh dengan kejayaan orang orang yang ingkar.
197. Mereka hanya menikmatinya buat sementara waktu sahaja, kemudian tempat akhir mereka ialah diNeraka; betapa menderitanya destini mereka.
Atau versi Englishnya:
196. Let not the strutting about of the Unbelievers through the land deceive thee;
197. Little is it for enjoyment: Their ultimate abode is Hell; what an evil bed (to lie on)!
Kadang-kadang aku selalu terpikir.. macam mana orang bangsa lain yang jelas kufur mendapat kejayaan lebih daripada akui.. ataupun kawan-kawan aku.. tak solat, tak puasa, melakukan maksiat dengan berleluasa.. tapi masih dapat menikmati kejayaan lebih dari aku sendiri yang solat dan puasa.. Tak pun orang tengok aku.. perangai entah apa-apa; iman tak seberapa; dosa berterabur sana sini.. macam mana Allah kurniakan juga rezeki dan kejayaan pada aku? Inilah dia jawapan Allah swt.
Kita juga perlu ingat yang kita ni, walaupun dah solat, dah puasa - sempurnakah? Kita tengok orang kita kata jahat; baik sangatkah kita?
Abah aku selalu ingatkan - orang Islam ada dua kejayaan.. di dunia dan di akhirat. sebab tu kita jangan ghairah sangat tentang mengejar kejayan duniawi sehingga lupa kejayaan akhirat.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/16/2002 08:46:55 PM
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BODY:
Malam semalam masyarakat muda Lancaster menjalankan aktiviti riadah post-terawih. Begitu seronok sekali.. sampai court dah off lights pun tak balik balik jugak.. sanggup main dalam gelap tu! Lepas main aku stretching betul-betul. Tak nak sengal-sengal lagi.
Hari penuh aktiviti hari nie.. mungkin tak sepenuh Cik Kieli kita yang pergi menonton Chelsea vs Middlesborough - laporan sukan ada ke Cik Kieli? hehehe ; tapi a productive day nonetheless.. (Cik Kieli.. kita jeles gak awak dpt gi Stamford Bridge.. kita tak penah lagi sampai sana)
Pagi-pagi lagi buat lawatan sambil belajar ke Salt Ayre Sports Center.. dekat Asda Lancaster-Morecambe tu.. sebab ada PC fair. Dapatlah membeli CD-Writer satu.. memang yang telah lama diidamkan.. bukan untuk tujuan subversif seperti burn lagu mp3.. tapi untuk data collection and to store papers yang dah didownload. Semua dalam pdf format sekarang.. makan space kadang2 tu.
Balik dari sana terus overhaul bilik dan PC... bilik aku ni terlebih tupperware sebenarnya. Aku amik sikit yang mana aku rasa maybe aku pakai.. yang lain aku tawar kat the other Malaysians. Kalau diorang tak nak jugak.. aku bawak ke charity shop nanti. So sekarang PC a.k.a boyfriend aku nie dah berCD-Rom drive baru.. yahuu! Makin mesralah hubungan kami nanti.
PC aku lagi satu.. aku dah reinstall CD-ROM drive dia balik.. aku dah test dengan monitor and speaker, etc.. Insyaallah aku akan jual for around £150-175.. full set PC plus aku tak uninstall pun program ngan OS dia. Kalau ada orang boleh buktikan ada orang lain jual harga lagi murah untuk specs yang sama.. aku turunkan harga lagi. Bukan niat aku nak buat untung pun.. sekadar balik modal pun tak sampai. Cuma aku tengok ada orang lain specs lebih kurang sama ngan aku.. dia letak harga £200. So aku rasa price aku reasonable gak ler.
Berita yang baik buat peminat bolasepak Lancaster-Morecambe: Morecambe telah mengalahkan Chesterfield dalam FA Cup 1st round. Morecambe ni team picisan.. kalau dapat masuk 3rd round pun aku dah bangga gila. 2 years ago diorang masuk 3rd round.. lawan Ipswich (who were Premier League that year) kat Christie Park. Aku ingat nak gi tengok.. sekali tiket naik harga £26. Aku tengok Man Utd main pun tak semahal tu!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/15/2002 09:01:48 AM
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BODY:
Pagi selepas tengok bola tu.. aku bangun sahur jam 5.30 pagi.. pekena milo dengan apple pie asda.. tunggu subuh masuk 5.52, pastu terus tidur balik.. tak set alarm pun sebab I went to bed quite late.. badan aku ni tua.. kalau tak cukup tidur.. mahu nyer dia malfunction.. Bangun-bangun ajer dah jam 9 pagi.. terkujat sat.. tapi sebab memories of the game were still fresh, aku on PC and terus buat ulasan sukan aku..
Sedar-sedar dah dekat jam 11 pagi.. my joints were so stiff.. ni semua akibat tak warming down betul-betul lepas training hari Selasa hari tu.. nak bangun dari kerusi pun slowlah yang amat nya.. terus aku mandi and bersiap untuk Zuhur.. sekarang ni amalan aku.. kalau nak keluar bilik.. aku Zuhur dulu.. senang. Zuhur pun awal.. jam 12 dah masuk.
Petang tu pulak ada tutorials - 3 x 1 hour sessions.. imagine 3 jam berturut-turut discuss menda sama.. berbuka pun dalam lab. Since lab takleh nak bawak food, gula-gula la jawapannya. Lepas tutorial, balik tu dah nak masuk Isya'.. aku solat Maghrib sambil tunggu Isya', pastu nak masuk dapur.. lapar dah time tu.. padahal kat Malaysia, ikutkan jam, belum masuk time berbuka pun kalau jam 6 petang tu..
Ingatkan nak masak nasi goreng.. ada perencah sepaket dua aku bawak dari malaysia, tapi flatmate aku duorang budak MBA tengah berdiscussion. Sorang tu Singaporean, so aku tahu dia tak kisah nyer pasal belacan dalam perencah tu, tapi aku tak sampai hati nak dera mamat German lagi sorang tu.. last-last aku buat kuah ayam masak merah, lepas tu letak Quorn pieces dalam tu.. bolehlah.. tapi hambar yang amat la kuah ayam masak merah aku tu.. sayur kebenda semua takde.. sebab tak plan nak buat.
Balik ke bilik dan makan.. ingatkan nak tengok tv kejap lepas tu sambung bertafakur depan PC buat notes.. tapi ada game pulak dah.. Blackburn Rovers lawan Celtic UEFA Cup.. melekat aku kat tv.. terus terlelap! Dengan badan sakit-sakit tu.. enak sungguh tidur awal.. sahur pun ala-ala kadar.. takat bangun, capai air dalam botol tepi katil.. teguk dalam setengah botol.. tidur balik.
So nak tak nak, hari ni kena kerja keras sikit. Which is why I am sitting here right now, trying to decipher a paper called "Measuring Organization Cultures: A Qualitative and Quantitative Study across Twenty Cases" by Geert Hofstede and a few other people. Kalau sesiapa yang biasa dalam bidang accounting / business ni - dia akan familiar dengan nama Hofstede sebab mamat ni macam pioneer gak lah bab measuring culture.
Culture ni essential to business everywhere, but there is still a great struggle to measure culture.. yelah.. menda abstract, camne nak ukur? So Hofstede ni ada la cuba buat. Aku kena present papet nie.. lagi 2 minggu.. tapi once overview pun belum buat!
Hari ni gambar game aku siap. Nanti aku scan letak kat blog. Mana yang jadi laa
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/14/2002 10:28:14 AM
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BODY:
Nak jawab beberapa persoalan, sebelum bercerita pasal semalam. Ni guna style Cik Kieli jawab lah nie. hehhe
Kaezrin : Aku kenal Fad, aku dengar citer gak dia nak kahwin. Sebab masa aku buat MA dulu, dia ada 3rd year kat Notts, so masa aku gi Notts Games aku jumpa dia.
Arien: Lepas ni kita buat rombongan sambil belajar gi tengok bola ye.. hehehhe. Kita gi pun sebab Ana & Khalid ada spare ticket.
Cik Kieli: Kalau datang Lancaster, tak kena kalau saya bawak Cik Kieli ke Old Trafford.. kita gi tengok Morecambe main kat Christie Park baru kena... heheheh..
UK Geng Jurnal Gathering: Apa kata orang London tolong organise? Bukan apa.. sebab a) London lagi ramai nampaknya Geng Jurnal, and b) London lagi banyak choice of places to eat and go.. aku tak kisah nak turun London day trip kalau weekend.. selalu gak buat!
Nadhra: I'm back in Lancaster for my PhD.. sort of an escape from Muadzam routine ..hehehe
Got back at about 12.30am last night.. sebab lepas balik dari Old Trafford, kami ke Asda sekejap.. untuk beli groceries alang-alang dah ada kereta tu kan.. kalau tak haru gak nak memunggah.. nasib baik Asda memang bukak 24 jam.
What can I say about the game? An excellent result for United: 2-0 on the night, but Leverkusen were very much a second rate side last night - none of the agression, speed and flair that took them to the Champion's League finals last season, except for some very random glimpses.
What I can say a lot about was the seats we got - I knew it was a Tier 1 seat, so that in itself is a good seat already.. tup tup tengok.. nak tahu kitorang duduk kat mana? 3 rows from tepi padang, betul-betul belakang corner flag. So kiranya.. every time ada corner kick.. memang close up yang amat lah kami semua :) I don't know how Ana did it, but they were excellent seats! Well wicked, as some of my students might say. I'll put up some pictures after they are processed - macam tak nak abis ajer filem aku tu..
Nak jadikan cerita.. as of yesterday morning, aku takde camera pun.. memang tak bawak dari Malaysia hari tu.. debating as to whether I should or should not.. last-last tinggal ajer SLR camera aku tu.. sebab it's a bit bulky to lug around for sightseeing.. so aku budget nanti dekat dekat nak raya.. aku akan beli a 35mm camera with zoom lens.. so tak jauh la quality gambar compare dengan nyer SLR, insyaAllah..
Sekali tu dapat gi tengok game ni.. tergerak nak beli camera.. sebab last time masa tengok Sturm Graz tak amik gambar.. Masa tu gi ngan member aku Ben, dapat seat pun Tier 3.. so just before seminar semalam, terkocoh-kocoh ke Argos beli camera.. ada yang on offer so terus angkat.. and what an EXCELLENT decision that was!
vs 
It wasn't long, however, before Rio Ferdinand started limping and had to leave the pitch - to a rousing standing ovation, mind you - and United battled on in the dying minutes with just 10 men because all three subs had been made. No dent in the armour, though, as United held on to a well deserved 2-0 victory.
Star of the night: Young defender John O' Shea. He was fast, he was precise, he was brilliant!
My General Comments: Being so close to the pitch was a tremendous boost.. I got to see my two fave players - Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes - really up close, although Giggsy never came up for a corner kick, so no direct close-ups of him! The game was very enjoyable - all games that we win are enjoyable, hehehe.. and sitting in the North West quadrant just below the singing Stretford End was brilliant. We joined in when we could - it was excellent!
When the pictures come back, I will post them up in true photo-journalism fashion! All in all, for those seats, £23 well spent!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/12/2002 10:15:07 PM
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BODY:
Hari tu aku keluar ke bandar.. ada dua menda menarik terjadi..
Pertama, masa aku nak beli jacket potatoes kat makcik depan Thomas Cook.. (ni masa before puasa la nie).. dia amik satu potato tu.. tak cukup soft tengah dia.. dia buang.. dia amik lagi satu.. pun tak cukup soft.. dia buang.. dah masuk 4 potato baru dia puas hati and dia bagi kat aku.. aku dok sengih kat situ.. pastu dia kata kat aku.. "If I wouldn't eat it myself, I wouldn't give it to you." Terdetik kat kepala aku berapa ramai peniaga sebangsa dan seagama dengan aku yang serve makanan semalam atau yang mereka sendiri dah tak sanggup makan.. hanya untuk mengaut keuntungan.
Keduanya.. masa aku naik bas... seorang akak ni terkurang bagi duit..dia dah duduk dah.. dengan baiknya drebar bas tu cakap.. 'You're short, luv" - orang kat sini panggil semua orang 'luv' - maksud statement drebar tu.. tak cukup duit yang akak tadi tu bayar.. Akak tu pun terus bangun.. cakap.. 'I'm so sorry.. how much am I short?' Drebar tu jawab.. '40 pence'.. so akak tu bayar.. Teringat la aku kat gaya-gaya drebar dan konduktor bas kat Malaysia.. yang kononnya lebih terdidik dengan adat ketimuran dan ciri-ciri keIslaman (bagi yang Muslim).. tapi tingkah laku sungguh kasar..
Mungkin semua ni one off incident ajer.. tapi aku tetap kagum dengan perlakuan orang-orang Mat Salleh ni, yang takde atau kurang pegangan agama, yang memang 'Barat', tapi lebih berakhlak dari orang yang Timur..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/12/2002 10:03:44 PM
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BODY:
Alhamdulillah.. selesai lagi satu hari ibadat puasa aku. Tadi petang lepas berbuka, terus turun sports training... dengan perut yang masih penuh dengan pizza & chips. Dahlah tu.. kena triple dose fitness training.. aku tanpa segan silunyer hanya mampu meleret di belakang.. maklumlah.. berbulan-bulan aku mandom.. tak bergerak.. kena fitness terus plak tu.. arghh!
The problem dengan training aku is.. sebab muscles aku masih lagi lemah, cepat cramp. Especially since cuaca amatlah sejuknya. Kena tambah zat dan garam galian dalam badan supaya tak mudah cramp and cepat acclimatise dengan weather kat sini.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 11/12/2002 11:11:46 AM
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BODY:
Baru lepas call mak.. sebab nak tanya, boleh ke nak gi ke Manchester esok.. heheh.. apparently I will have two tickets to go and see Man Utd play Bayer Leverkusen at Old Trafford! Wooohooooooooo!
So bila nak keluar berouting camtu.. kena tanya mak dulu.. Like I said before, aku kalau mak kata jangan.. memang aku tak buat.. lebih lebih lagi dalam era terrorist dan sebagainya nie.. tapi mak aku kata.. pergilah .. hehehhe.. Abah pun green light ajer.. siap lagi dia cekau email address aku sebab nak mintak tolong aku translatekan something untuk dia. Rasa best bila camnie.. walaupun kita jauh, masih rasa diperlukan oleh keluarga.
Also managed to pop down to Kinokuniya KLCC to get something to read
Today I managed to make Fisz take the day off to go shopping with me.. hehehe.. we had to drop by to Taman Maluri first to return the Mr Accounting books (with the correct amount of money, this time!).. then called Ima at Maybank to ask her to join us for lunch.. then we came back to Bangi and I went to get my glasses done. Will be going out again tonight with Ramzi & Co. as a farewell thingi.
I do have a few issues and reflections I want to jot down right now, but am a bit pressed for time. Perhaps I'll be able to when I get back tonight, Insyaallah. Failing that, tomorrrow, because I am not expected at Izie's until 2pm tomorrow!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/23/2002 02:41:36 PM
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BODY:
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku,
Hari ini aku bersyukur kepadaMu kerana:
Things I have to do today (or at least before the end of the week)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/15/2002 04:50:22 AM
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BODY:
Went totally ballistic after calculating the amount of money in my coffers for the Mr Accounting text only amounted to RM 1260, where as it should amount to RM2310. Totally, totally freaked out.. not quite sure where to haul the extra RM1050.. fretted for a few minutes about the amount of money I would need to find to cover that.. total shock, total horror.. referred to invoice 10 times in 5 minutes... tried to find explanations as to where the money could have gone - only I know where it is stored.. the drawer is always locked; and the room is never left unoccupied for more than a few minutes.. macam mana boleh hilang nie Idlan?? Matilah aku matilah
Then realised that the invoice was for September and all payments made in August were not recorded ; and a payment by cheque was made for RM1080 in August. So now I'm stuck with an EXTRA RM30. *blur blur blur blur blur....*
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/14/2002 12:32:29 PM
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BODY:
Oooookkaaayy.. now that I've completed 67% of the exam questions, I thought I should reward myself with a pat on the head and a go on the computer. Pat pat pat pat pat pat
Right. So the weekend. Took a rest from taking to the town. Fisz was over at Shick's in KL, so there was no Sunday morning movie run. Plus I'm flat broke. But I did manage to hop down to Warta to get a few VCDs. As always, only managed to watch one CD of Stuart Little from the three I bought. I made one futile attempt to watch it later in the afternoon; of course I lost out to abah and his Hindustani collection. Way back in the days when our VCD player was the PS1 console, I practically had it all to myself because no one could figure out the intricacies of switching the thing on.. now that we've modernised and are using one of those Hi-Fi cum VCD player thingis.. well.. the mechanics got easier and I got no chance to watch anything no more
Did catch Miss Congeniality on HBO however.. laughed my head off.. ha ha ha ha boink.. if anyone still knows that (lame) joke. And then watched the England vs Slovenia match.. played on a surface that reminded me of Woodstock'94 post rain. At least we won. England are playing Macedonia in a few days.. hope I don't wake the whole house watching that; as I have perfected the art of screaming after a goal to perfection.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/10/2002 03:43:41 AM
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BODY:
For the first time in weeks, I managed to go back to sleep after subuh prayers and woke at 0704 hours, meaning for the first time in months I waddled into the office at about 8am. It's always nice to break a routine .. I've been so gung ho about coming to work at 0645 hours this past week or so I was afraid I was going to set a routine that someone could track down. Ever since the 'event', I've been wary about people who ask me where I am and where I go at night, perhaps to an almost paranoid level! Maybe I am paranoid, to a certain extent..
Last night the daughter of my senior whose house I am making my base here in Muadzam (that's right.. I am stuck here 210km away from home and I have no address and nowhere to live!) started screaming in her sleep at about midnight (the daughter is about 11 months old).. which put me into 
). A whopping 75km and back, done just nicely under 3 hours. Drove down to buy some KFC for the students - I held a quiz session (teams of 6 x 9 teams) a couple of weeks ago and the motivation for them to study for it was that the winners would be treated to KFC by yours truly.. mainly because they simply CRAVE for fast food here.. so.. as a person of my word I had to gallavant down to the nearest (proper) town to get the food for them. I hope they enjoy it.. at least it makes it worth the effort for me to drive all the way down there.
Actually I've got more than a few things to talk about today - for once. But I need to Maghrib and then the kids are going to come up for their 'feast'.. so all ranting put on hold for now.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/9/2002 04:05:51 AM
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BODY:
As I was driving back home last night, I noticed that the pot holes and not-so-pot holes (parts of the road that were deliberately mutilated to lay down new tar) were now non-existent. I could cruise at top speed on WJX514 without the fear of damaging the car. Of course, this could only signify one thing - a very important person is about to come over. It can't be anything else, can it?
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/9/2002 12:57:09 AM
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BODY:
Today is Wednesday. I don't like Wednesdays. I have to work at being a lecturer on Wednesday.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 12:49:41 PM
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BODY:
Andainya tiada jodoh
Untuk ke singgahsana
Kupasrahkan segalanya
Kerna takdir yang akan menentukan
Impian kasih
InTeam: Impian Kasih
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 12:45:31 PM
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BODY:
Just finished iftar. Took two panadols to cater for my headache. It's always like this, during the first few days of fasting.. I get tense headaches; almost migrainelike and the only way I can get rid of it is by taking two Panadols and to go to sleep. I feel a cold coming on - the first signs are here : a sore throat, a runny nose.. I expect I'll be having a miserable weekend.
Was reading Cik Kieli's weblog earlier. I've taken to returning to a couple of weblogs as of late.. mostly from the links they've left behind in my guestbook. I will, very soon, compile them into a nice list ... not as much as to link them as to acknowledge their support of my fledgling weblog..
Anyway, she was talking about the cold and how heaters got turned off at night.. well, I just remembered how I coped with it.. so Cik Kieli if you're reading this.. take heed Our heaters would go off at about 10pm, so I would make sure all was done by 9.30pm, and would get ready for bed. I'd put on a t-shirt and a track-suit bottom complete with socks, and have a sweater on standby. On the bedside stand I would place my mobile and my alarm clock.. and I'd jump into bed and slip under the covers - yes, the duvet AND the blanket - at about 9.45pm.. while the heating was still on. All essentials, such as TV remote and the internal phone (I had a friend who would call at odd hours just to chat), would come into bed with me, as no way would I get up after I'd made my nice cosy burrow. Tapi.. yang seksanya.. nak bangun and wudhu' pagi esoknya... mak aih.. brrrrr... sejuk tahap professor! Of course, failing all this, you could always get what most other Malays get - a portable heater.. hehehe
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 06:24:32 AM
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BODY:
*sigh* All the other IPTs are in the midst of finalising the exam marks, if not having already submitted them. My fellow lecturers are rejoicing.. happily twiddling their thumbs as they await the next semester to come along. And yet, here I am, still finalising final exam questions
Could sure use a cup of 
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 01:44:32 AM
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BODY:
makaan budaakk.....
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 01:35:53 AM
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BODY:
heh heh heh heh heh 
Hmmm.. new toy alert.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 12:42:54 AM
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BODY:
Was just messing about on the JPJ website.. keyed in a random plate number and found that a vehicle was listed with offences for both no seatbelt and no helmet. Hmm.. wonder how this is possible..
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/8/2002 12:32:40 AM
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BODY:
Something is wrong with the office email .. yes yes.. I know.. what's new? But I have not received email from outside Uniten since midday yesterday. The possibility that no one wants to send me email at all is highly unlikely, because I have made adequate measures to ensure that I get at least ONE email a day, by subscribing to the Dilbert mailing list.
So since even my ever faithful Daily Dilbert hasn't graced my mailbox (and neither as my curmudgeon list - a secondary measure just in case Dilbert was down for the day.. yes, you may call me paranoid if you wish).. well; me thinks something is wrong. Did a test run.. sent an email from KMS account to my Hotmail account.. worked fine. So it's incoming mail that's in a fix.. just when I need a lot of correspondence with the outside world, too! Arghhhhhh!!!!
Wonder how we ever lived without the Internet, email and mobiles way back when :) 
lamanya dah tak ke tioman...
Just finished putting together the lecture and tutorial schedule for my class at Lancaster. I'll be teaching Accounting Information Systems - a hybrid of the two areas I am academically passionate about: Accounting and Information Technology. It was a so-so paper when I was in university for me; but I've tutored this paper before and I'll be teaching and tutoring it this time.. got some jitters, I must say.. Lancaster is quite a step up from Uniten where I could, if I wanted, bluff my way through lectures. I suspect the students there will catch on pretty quick if I were to mess around. But nervousness is good. It makes me think, and it makes me tick.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/7/2002 06:23:39 AM
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BODY:
When was the last time I dropped everything I was doing when I heard the azan, and performed my immediate obligations to the Almighty? I can't remember. Have I ever? Maybe today is a good day to start.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/7/2002 05:57:36 AM
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BODY:
I'm addicted to this whole Quizilla thing. It's idiotic, nothing can be taken for granted, it's created by non-specialists and it's just GREAT! Of course, I am totally indebted to it. This is the only quiz that has certified that I am normal.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/7/2002 03:34:18 AM
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BODY:
I am one of those people who have sexually ambiguous names.. or perhaps, it's not ambiguous at all.. but predominantly male. Maybe my dad was feeling a bit adventurous, or perhaps, to him, the name was not at all male; but anyway, as a repercussion, I've been addressed as Mr. heaps of times (for the record, if you're still wondering.. I'm female). Anyway, today as I was corresponding with some people at the conference organiser about my true gender, it turned out that the officer in charge, whom I uncannily addressed as Mr., turned out to be a Ms. as well :) What a start to a Monday!
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/6/2002 12:34:57 PM
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BODY:
Jiwang pulak aku tengahari ni... hehehhe
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/4/2002 07:08:10 AM
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BODY:
"It is important that students bring a certain ragamuffin, barefoot, irreverence to their studies; they are not here to worship what is known, but to question it
anyway.. to those who inquired.. leaving tentatively 2 November.. will be spending 3 years in Lancaster for my Phd.. all fees and maintenance paid for by Lancaster University Management School / Dept. of Accounting & Finance.. in return I will have to teach there part time.. which is fine by me because of the experience I will gain.. teaching a group of timid, lucid local students is different from teaching boisterous internationals, that's for sure.
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/4/2002 02:00:22 AM
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BODY:
Kenapa aku jadi lecturer?
(petikan bualan aku dan seorang 'senior')
"Idlan"
"Ye saya"
"Kenapa awak jadi lecturer"
"Entah" (malas nak jawab)
"Tapi dengan result awak.. tak rasa sia-sia ke jadi lecturer?"
"Kenapa pulak sia-sia?"
"Yelah.. kalau awak mintak kerja kat corporate finance bank ke.. audit firm ke..sure dapat punya"
"Tak nak bergelumang dengan dosa" (buat lawak bangang)
"Rugi ajer awak jadi lecturer"
"Siapa yang rugi? Kenapa rugi?"(nafsu ammarah mula terdetik)
"Alah.. biasanya orang yang dah tak dapat kerja lain ajer jadi lecturer ni.."
"Saya mana ada pilihan kak.. saya ada contract dengan TNB"
"Dalam TNB banyak area corporate awak boleh pergi..."
"Best sangat ke kerja corporate kak?" (dah start nak perli)
"Better lah dari kerja lecturer"
"Akak pernah kerja lecturer ke?"
"Takdelah.. kawan kawan akak......"
"Entahlah.. saya suka kerja ni. Tak hina mendidik anak orang.. memberi semangat kepada anak bangsa.. Lagipun saya suka buat research"
"Alah.. research korang.. mana boleh apply.. theory ajer"
"Contohnya?"
"Semua lecturer tau theory aje.. practical tak ada"
"Seperti?"
" ...." diam
"Yang keluarkan paper pasal cara cara baru nak ubatkan orang sakit tu, bukan ke lecturer? Pasal cara nak improve management, kaedah kaedah mendapatkan sumber tenaga alternatif.. semua dari lecturer university apa.. orang kerja 'corporate' mana ada masa untuk semua tu"
"Kau tak rasa muda sangat ke nak jadi lecturer.. takde experience .. rugi.. apa kau nak ajar anak-anak murid kau?" (tukar topik)
"Nak dapat practical experience, tak semestinya kerja corporate.. saya buat consultation kecil-kecilan untuk kawan-kawan.. tolong orang set up business.. semua tu practical jugak.. "
"Jadi lecturer nanti ko pandai sangat.. kau sorang je betul..orang semua salah.."
"Tak jadi lecturer pun ada yang macam tu.." (gelak)
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AUTHOR: Prof Sadin
DATE: 10/4/2002 12:37:03 AM
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BODY:
What is your mental profile?
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Why am I not surprised? I call it multitasking.. they call it ADD :) -------- AUTHOR: Prof Sadin DATE: 10/4/2002 12:33:06 AM ----- BODY: Things to do today.. urgh..
I spent a good couple of months on the paper, but what makes me most proud of it is that it is 100% pure Idlan effort.. (plus feedback, of course). I'm all for working together with senior lecturers on research projects, but there is a dearth of work being done in corporate governance here.. and I though I'd venture into the fray on my own; bullets flying and all. So good girl Idlan.. pat pat pat pat pat... -------- AUTHOR: Prof Sadin DATE: 10/3/2002 07:28:24 AM ----- BODY: Tadaa... migration successful :) I first noticed that most of the other webloggers I've gotten to know as of late use blogspot as their weblog support, so I ventured over to their website earlier today. It's quite a handy tool - it can be stand alone or work as part of your website.. and you can update as you go via ftp. Good on you, Blogger.com.. swell piece of application you have here! I've managed to code the color scheme to make it match the initial webpage; hopefully this'll be improved as time goes on.. petang-petang karang sikit ker.. maklumlah.. my boss just popped in for a 'short conversation' just now.. -------- AUTHOR: Prof Sadin DATE: 10/3/2002 05:04:58 AM ----- BODY: Okay ladies and gentlemen.. if you see this.. just bear with me.. I am trying to integrate the blogger site into my tripod site.. to see what happens :) Sit back and watch me screw this page up a kejillion times before I get it right. -------- AUTHOR: Prof Sadin DATE: 10/3/2002 05:01:35 AM ----- BODY: Oct 3, 2002 Arghhh... came in to work at 0653 hours, boiled water in the pantry.. went back to make Milo - no more 3-in-1s left; looked around for Nescafe - NON-EXISTENT! Tidaaaaaakkk.... Now I will have to wait until 9am to go for breakfast to get some caffeine into my system --- Thursday is a good day. No lectures, usually no meetings, and no stress of having to prepare for lectures. There is a lot to do, however - need to clean out the room, for one. Methinks it is best to bring stuff back to Bangi in stages.. this week I'll bring back some of my books that I won't need for the rest of the semester. --- Perplexing things that puzzle lectures, #8809454 Do students in general have no access to staplers to staple their assignments with? --- 0758 hours: Found coffee. Yes.. yess.. yesss!!!! --- I've managed to settle the plagiarism matter with the students. I think the punishment I meted out was fair. The damning thing is, though, I don't want the guilty students to feel as if I am singling them out for further punishment, because I'm not. I'm all for letting bygones be bygones and turning over a new leaf and all that.. with my history, I'd be mad not to believe in second chances. BUT they keep letting me down.. handing in shoddy work; not studying for their quizzes.. the list goes on.. I'm all up in arms over this. What else am I expected to do? But it's true.. Allah won't change things for us unless we strive towards that change ourselves. *sigh* --- Oct 2, 2002 The Internet was down almost all day yesterday. This rarely happens nowadays, but when it does.. argghhh!! How does one communicate when one is SO isolated from everything else that is happening out there! Alhamdulillah, it was up and running when I came into work this morning - 6.45am as usual; albeit this time, intentional given the amount of work I had to get done before my 8am lectures. --- Am getting a lot of positive support from the other online journalers on the mailing list that I am on. Very helpful, thoughtful and constructive comments that gives me ideas about what to write on these pages. --- Received news from HR yesterday. They have approved my application for paid study leave. Was in such a rush yesterday - needed to check ticket prices, book a flight, send confirmation of arrival emails.. and the Net was down. Managed, however, to book a flight out from KLIA on 2 November, direct to Manchester. The good thing is, I'll be back in Lancaster. So I won't need an entourage to pick me up at the airport - all is easily manageable because I don't plan to bring much luggage and I know my way around. The basic essentials like the rice cooker, duvet and stuff which I left for Lina to use in 2001 will now be left by Lina for me to use again :D I've sorted the basic luxuries - a computer :) , TV and hopefully video.. Insyaallah if I have spare cash then I could consider upgrading to a DVD player.. hehehhe. Tak cukup duit... kerja kat Pizetta, ye tak? Oct 1, 2002 I've devised a new game. Did you know you could check your summons online these days? Click here . You can check by I/C number, vehicle registration number, passport or company registration number. SO. Have you ever been utterly pissed with drivers of luxury vehicles who zoom past you in the third lane on the highway at a speed you know is absolutely excessive? Or, worse still, while you yourself are encroaching on the effective speed barrier, driving in the third lane, these cars flash their beams at you, expecting you to move out of the way? It's acceptable if you were going at a slowpoke rate, but when you are driving at 115km/h and counting... well.. shouldn't they be adhering to road rules as well? Or does the fact that one could afford to drive flashy cars means one is technically untouchable by the laws that govern our highways and byways? Well anyway.. I've started to memorise their plate numbers and key them into the system through the website. Is it legal? I dunno. What do I get out of it? Nothing, except the satisfaction of looking at the list of summons they need to play, and staring at my own clean record at the same time :) --- And so dawns a new month. Got quite an interesting comment in the guestbook today about my ultimate intention for this weblog to be a way to tell the world what a Muslim's life is about. It sort of got me thinking.. how do Muslims live? To me, well, a Muslim doesn't live much different from others; in essence, that is. I mean, yes, Muslims don't drink alcohol or eat swine, they pray 5 times a day, should not indulge in sex before marriage and all that. But underneath these rules and a multitude of others, which we don't find burdensome, by the way, we lead lives pretty much the same as everyone else. Based on conversations I've had, the Isareli-influenced media and the general outlook - the world seems to think that Muslims are secretive, obsessed people who spend every spare second devising new ways of how to attack America, the UK or any Western civilisation. There is also this perception that Muslim women are oppressed; not given the chance to explore their potential, and the required dress code is a violation against women's right. This is the view I would like to change. Granted some people are crouching in their basements downloading bomb making material off the Internet - but there is no blatant proof that these schemers are all Muslims, and more importantly - has America ever asked itself why it was attacked on Sept 11? I'm sure they didn't enjoy the answer to that one, which is why they have totally left it out of it's so called War against Terror. Just because we follow a set of rules in a time when it is fashionable to be bound by none doesn't mean that we don't have lives like other people. To say that I live the life exactly the way a Muslim should would be arrogrant, presumptous and ignorant. I will never proclaim this. I've always been a moderate Muslim - taking the middle road. I do most things people do within the bounds of Islam, but in moderation. I do my best to pray 5 times a day - sometimes more, although admittedly this hasn't happened in recent times - I fast during Ramadhan, I adhere to a moderate Muslim code of dress and I try to make sure I've covered all the bases regarding my duties to Allah. I also listen to music, but try not to be influenced by it. I watch movies, but make myself aware of the issues in the movie that are not parallel to my faith. When I was at university, I socialised with non-Muslims, but drew the line when it involved going to the pub at night, or eating at non-halal eateries. I go to the cinema - but only with members of my family, a female friend or in a group. Some people would say this is unIslamic based on their interpretation - I am fine with that; because my parents have taught me to live this way and I am comfortable with it. They have also taught me that smoking could be wrong in Islam, because we are deliberately harming ourselves - just like bungee jumping. I guess these views may not sit well with most Muslims :) Admittedly, there are flaws in the way I live; as there are flaws in the way we all live. I remember one of my ustaz (or was it an ustazah?) saying.. "Yang pakai jubah tak dijamin masuk syurga, yang selalu ke masjid tak semesti solatnya lebih diterima..." It's also important to recognise these flaws and take the necessary actions - because knowing and not doing is a greater sin than not knowing at all. Wallahua'lam --- On a slightly less self-righteous note :) did you know that Malaysia holds the record for the most goals scored in a football game at the Asian Games? 15-1, they beat a Philippines side in the 1960's. What a long time ago that feels, and what a long, downward spiral we have fallen into! --- Got THE call. It's official. I'm leaving for Eng-er-land! Lancaster .. tunggu... aku cabar kau ! :D --------