TerfikirThursday, February 13When was the last time...
... I called home?
... I called my friends back home?
... I stopped to think about other people before thinking about myself?
... I spent an unforced amount of time in a conversation with Allah?
... I performed the solat sunat after the solat wajib?
... I read the Quran for proper guidance, meanings and all?
... I said thank you to the people that mattered?
... I said thank you to Allah?
... I was grateful for anything?
... I stopped complaining?
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/14/2003 10:17:52 AM// Your Say. . .
Sambungan..And so that was how I got involved into the whole debating scene. The team for the 1993 PPM was myself, Aniza Azizuddin, Farah Kamal and Almahera Idris. For the most part, I was the reserve; it made sense - teaching me the tools of the trade as I went along, but not really risking putting me into the line of fire because I was too fresh. When Aniza and Farah left that year, Noi and Sharifah Ratina were drafted in - at this point I suddenly found myself from being reserve-non-grata to first speaker; quite a jump I must say.
Did we scale the heights of glory? Not really, no.. the furthest we made it was to the semi-finals in 1993 (SMSAH) when we lost to KTK. That was quite a hard blow for us; I personally thought we had a more polished delivery, better points and the audience were on our side; pity the judges weren't, and at the end of the day that was what mattered most.
The 1994 PPM (SDAR) was mostly a joke. We came to SDAR as the Southern Zone Champions, just like the previous year, and expected a good run - a shock loss to SMS Miri in the prelims ensured a rematch of last year's semi-finalists again; and it being in Seremban and all.. and the fact that we were nowhere near the side of the past few years worked to our disadvantage. Down and out in the first round; an abrupt end to my career as a PPM debater. I don't know what I did wrong as team leader that year; perhaps I was too non-committal or lacked the self-belief of the previous captains that steered their teams to glory; but I accepted the fact that I failed.
While my contributions to debate were minimal, debating actually did a lot of good for me. I learned to lose my stage fright and most importantly, how to stand in front of a few hundred people, talking utter bull, but with maximum conviction and self-belief - an invaluable asset as an academician. I also learned how to question ideas and theories; how to never be happy with the status quo and not to accept things as given; and also the discipline of hard work, reading and checking my facts - attributes that I think brought me to where I am today.
In 1994, we brought along one Budi Aslinie - whom I think served as the basis of the STF debating team of the forthcoming years. The girls did win the much-coveted trophy a few years later, much to my pride - but apart from the link through Budi, I doubt our team had anything to do with their great achievements. Perhaps Budi picked up what we did and listed them as what NOT to do to get a win; I dunno.. but it sure worked.
It worked out for the better in the end. I learnt quite a bit about stereotyping as well - I used to think that debaters were geeks or nerds who worked too hard; my own experience proved otherwise. There were no people who could match the sharp, dry wit of my fellow debaters - and the barbs we continously traded was as refreshing as it gave me a new leash of spirit in my literary pursuits.
I have been writing since I was 7, but that side of me somehow was lost as I got more and more involved into sports - after all, jocks - even female ones - were not expected to be smart or to possess any literary skills - it was all we could do to learn to read. Being with these people and learning to look beyond stereotypes allowed me to learn to accept their individualities, and more so, accepting mine as well.
One of my fellow debaters was very much into writing; and with her encouragement I rekindled my relationship with the written word - and I'm glad I did.
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/13/2003 10:01:45 PM// Your Say. . .
Mengapakah?Wednesday, February 12
One of the very few pictures that I have of my debating daysI was surfing around (as bored PhD students tend to do) and stumbled onto Nik Nazmi's weblog, where he was chronicling his days in the MCKK debate team. It sort of got me reminiscing about my days as a PPM debater; and how I got into the loop in the first place.
In one of his earlier entries he talked about how he wanted to go to MCKK because it reputedly had a good debating team [yes, I can hear all the snickers out there from you fellow-SBP cynics.. tsk tsk tsk]; and how glad he was that he made it to its hallowed turfs; while I found myself wanting to go to STF for a totally different reason - I did end up representing the school at PPM, despite the odds.
My debating 'career', as you would call it, took off at a relatively late age. I was a fourth former before I was drafted into the team; but I had been dabbling with the idea on and off for a couple of years already. I remember being a member of the 'Persatuan Bahas Bahasa Inggeris' when I was a first former, after being urged by my seniors to 'put some of my talent to use'.
The thing was, what talent? I had no public speaking skills whatsoever - my knees knock nervously together whenever I have to say something to a bigger audience that two people. I was quite good with words and had a way with the English language [yes, Thursday is not the day when I am most modest]; but that doesn't necessarily translate into confidence and conviction when speaking in public.
So I attended a couple of meetings during the First Form, a few in the first term of the Second Form and totally disappeared from the debating scene after that. After all, was I not an athlete representing my school in sports; what business did I have being a debater? I reckoned that I'd given my contribution back to the school via the sports scene, and that should be enough, should it not?
I even evaded the debate team as they prepared for the 1992 PPM which was held at STF. In fact, I'd totally forgotten about debate as a whole; and I'd reckon they'd forgotten about me. I did stick around for the PPM in a different capacity though - as a volunteer for the Red Crescent Society. And I was more interested in watching the basketball games then actually venturing to see the debates.
To me, at that point, debate was geeky, nerdy and for people who ranked in the top ten of their forms, academically. And to me, at that point, I embodied none of the above qualities. The only word said to me about debate that year was from one of my seniors and ex-dormmates, Farah Kamal [probably Farah Kamal M.D., by now], saying that maybe I'd 'like' to consider joining the team from next year since some of the seniors were leaving and they needed new blood. I neatly tucked that into the back of my head and basically forgot about it.
Then came Form Four. It didn't start off very well for me, because I did quite well in my SRP [yes, I did take the SRP, and yes, I am that old] and was pushed towards the science stream which I didn't really want to do. But I remember being asked to join the team for the District Debate (Piala Dato' Wira Abdul Rahmad Arshad or something to that effect] that required all debaters be upper formers - our star debater of those days, Almahera Idris, was still a third former. I also remember being NOT the only one asked; there were a few other students who had equally good English skills and were better orators than myself; but somehow or other I was the one who was drafted.
I wasn't quite sure about things at that point; here I was, better known for my prowess [or rather, the lack of it] on the sports arena; what was I doing representing a school in academic pursuits? Did I even meet the minimum IQ level requirements to be in the same room as these people? But me, being me, who always tries things at least once, decided, well.. why not? Why conform to the unwritten rules of the establishment that is my school? I'd already broken one as a second former representing the school in two sports - a big No - so what was another?
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/13/2003 11:37:57 AM// Your Say. . .
Kenapakah?Tuesday, February 11[Apologies to Rijal for using his Hotmail moniker, tapi sesungguhnya terlalu banyak persoalan pada hari yang berkabus ini]
Briefly opened my eyes at 6.17am, to the drone of the BBC Breakfast News program droning on about two things - the foggy conditions outside, where visibility is down to a mere 100m in certain places; and the 'so-called' terrorist threats at Heathrow Airport. When I did open my eyes an hour and a bit later, indeed the outside world was undeniably foggy. Here's a picture from my webcam at around 10 o'clock in the morning.
The sun has come up.. it's just that with the fog, the lighting's gone a bit wonkyOkay, anyway, the fog isn't my rant of the day entry. Rather it's all the security that has suddenly popped up around Heathrow Airport these past two days, allegedly because of a specific terrorist threat that Intelligence has managed to pick up.
Let's do some shoe switching here ; if I were to be someone who makes a threat and I know that the threat would lead to increased security, wouldn't I mask the threat to sound as if it would be placed at Location A, and then, of course, attack Location B? And if I were the party arranging the security; well.. wouldn't I tighten things up at not only Location A, but Locations B, C, D, E and so on?
I mean, allegedly, the threat is that a missile may be launched at an aeroplane. OK. Is Heathrow the ONLY place aeroplanes land in the UK? What about Gatwick, and Stansted? Manchester has an international airport as well, not to mention Glasgow, Newcastle, Birmingham.. need I go on? If terrorists are going to launch a missile, I would sleep better at night knowing measures were taken at all major airports.
And I would also increase security at Dover and other ferry ports; after all.. most of those arrested via terrorist links as of late are of North African descent, who entered the country as asylum seekers - routes by sea are often preferred by these people. Oh, I forgot. There isn't probably enough people to cover all these locations, because half of them are in the bloody gulf fighting a war that has no right to be fought in the first place!
Nope, this smacks of a 'support-our-war' and a fear spreading campaign by Messrs Bush and Blair. Sort of trying to validate that there IS a threat, and hopefully, if everybody is reasonably scared, then maybe they would back the war. Crap, childish and utterly idiotic.It's sad that many other people share the same 'qualities' with their leaders.
There is also the issue of the new Osama bin Laden tape - which, unlike other past tapes, the US believes to be genuine. How bleeding convenient. In the past, downplay the fact that the tape is his, because he is supposed to be dead because, we, the mighty US of A killed him. Now we believe it really IS him because the contents of the tape now justifies that we can bomb Iraq.
Bin Laden is allegedly to have said called the Iraqis his brothers, and that Muslims should help defend Iraq. That, expressed as his personal opinion, is enought to justify bombing another country? He hasn't said that Iraq supplied him with arms, or that he and Saddam are in cahoots; and the fact that he expressed his support, I think, is as much a function of his own hatred of the US as much as anything else.
Where's the smoking gun, Mr. Powell? You are making inferences from incomplete statements. What if I make a tape, pretending to be Osama, and express his support for Israel? Would you bomb them too? No, I feel one time too many that your war is a war against Islam, upon which you've put a face that is unrecognisable to the masses that practice it. It's a good thing I am much too feeble of stomach to try and resolve things your way - with bombs and guns.
There is a conspiracy theory that puts Osama bin Laden as an undercover CIA agent - I half believe this. Dubya wants to fight Daddy's war, and all this plays into his hands perfectly. If Osama is a CIA undercover agent [which explains why the so-called super intelligent American Intelligence haven't quite managed to keep up with him] then he is also doing a world of 'good' in making people go against Muslims.
I hope he isn't though; while I disagree with his violent and aggressive tactics [think about this - with these tactics, any one of us, Muslim or otherwise, could fall prey to a dirty bomb or nuclear attack, because they haven't got the resources to evacuate us first, have they?] he has managed to highlight the plight of the Palestinians and people are more and more aware of Israel as an equally guilty, arms-harboring, nation which the US does nothing against.
Now it's up to the rest of us Muslims to open our eyes and try to find ways to resolve things amicably, in a manner that upholds the true meaning of Islam - peace.
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/12/2003 10:40:16 AM// Your Say. . .
Yes! Yes! Dapat Kerja Lagi..Woke up to the sound of the alarm at 7am; arghh.. mengantuknya! I probably got the better part of 5 hours sleep last night - was, and am, totally knackered. Nak tak nak kena bangun jugak tapi; sebab nak solat subuh, iron baju dan pergi solat sunat AidilAdha. Mengikut announcement Islamic Soc, solat sunat bermula jam 8.15am. Aku budget, maybe be 8.30am start sebab kat Malaysia selalu gitulah; tapi sini UK.. tak boleh buat assumption macam tu.. sampai jam 8.25am orang solat.. aku terus masbuk ajer.. tak sure pun rakaat berapa. Nasib baik rakaat pertama lagi.
Gi solat sunat pagi ni tak pakai baju raya - sebab nak terus ke office and aku agak malas berbaju kurung kat office. Cukuplah kat Malaysia kena buat macam tu; kurang-kurangnya kat sini aku tak melaram pun orang tak sound. Tapi still pakai smart la.. blouse and slacks.. hari ni jeans and sweater aku pun raya gak.. so bagi diorang cuti. Nanti malam karang masa majlis makan-makan Islamic Soc aku melawa lah.
Pelik jugak aku sebenarnya, sebab berdasarkan pengalaman aku lah.. kalau aku raya jauh-jauh macam duduk kat UK ni, cukup bersemangat nak buat solat sunat hari raya. Kalau di Malaysia tu, seribu satu alasan aku bagi tak nak ke masjid. Kenapa ek? Kat Malaysia syaitan lagi besar ke? Dari semua aspek macam gitu; kat sinilah yang bersemangat nak mengaji lepas solat, nak buat solat sunat... kalau kat Malaysia sana cukup liat! Lagi satu kalau di Malaysia; kalau bermusafir - ada ajer alasan sesiapa sajelah tak solat sebab takde telekung la.. itulah, inilah.. kat sini selamba ajer solat tepi jalan dengan coat sebagai alas. Kira cukup syarat tutup aurat ... dah boleh solat.
Anyways, itu pengamatan pasal raya. Hari ni dapat 'kerja' baru - Aneel mintak tolong aku jadi RA dia for a paper yang dia tengah buat dengan Steve. Member aku Valentine pun is working on one set of the data, so aku akan buat lagi satu set. Alhamdulillah rezeki. Silap-silap cukup pulak duit nak balik summer ni. Itulah Uniten.. amiklah duit bonus aku tu kalau korang teringin sangat duit yang aku tak halalkan tu. Allah Maha Pemurah - rezeki di bumiNya ada di mana-mana.
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/11/2003 04:17:31 PM// Your Say. . .
Selamat Hari Raya AidilAdhaMonday, February 10As is always, we get to celebrate Hari Raya before Malaysia does. Not a whole day in advance though - just 16 hours if you start counting at midnight; and a mere 8 hours if you start counting after the solat. Not that there is much on the agenda; Solat Sunat AidilAdha at 8.15am at the mosque followed by morning breakfast there as well. Then it's off to work till about 5pm; which is when training starts. After which I will rush back for a quick shower and it's off to the mosque again for the Islamic Society meal / dinner / feast - whichever suits your fancy.
A full day at work today ; dawdled in at 9am and didn't really start work until about 10.30am since both Acat and Ulya were online. It's always good to be here in the UK, but I must remember to touch base with the people at home as well. Thought-provoking conversation with Acat regarding his recent loss - I can only even begin to understand the turmoil and emotional rollercoaster he is going through; and I will never say that I do understand, because fact is, as of right now, I don't. It's always easy for us to say we empathise or we know how people feel.. but do we really? Everyhting's just a guess if you're not in that person's shoes; and even if you are in his shoes, how well does it really fit anyway?
It's also always easy to get by by saying things we think people want to hear; where was sometimes the best thing to say is actually the truth. Trying too hard to please everyone will get you nowhere, and sometimes will trap you in circumstances which you tried to get out of in the first place - lesson of the weekend.
Managed to finish the presentation today - Alhamdulillah, slides and all - and also had a quick glance through the tutorials for this week. Now am working on the framework of what I am supposed to be discussing with Peter on Friday. Hopefully all goes well this week; it is supposed to be hectic and it already has been! Had to go to town today to settle some of my dad's bills; headed back to school afterwards to find Aneel working with Jeffrey.
Hajat di hati, nak terus turun bertakbir straight dari ofis; tapi ada panggilan untuk bersantap - last-last tu
bertakburtakbir di Bardsea ajer jawabnya. Lastly decided to leave those who needed to revise to their revising and went looking for Ana; tapi last-last sangkut kat rumah Yana di Bowland. Bila dah bangkit, jam 11pm.. rasanya. lebih afdhal aku menuju ke katil rather than teruskan melawat rumah ke rumah!
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/11/2003 12:23:41 AM// Your Say. . .
Busy Week AheadSunday, February 9Managed to finish reading the article I am to present next week and started with the Powerpoint as well today. Shouldn't take too long to sort out. Woke up at about 10.30 this morning ; did a bit of work, and then ran off to watch Man Utd dismally draw with Man City at Old Trafford. The only consolation was that Arsenal, too, drew at St. James' Park, so the standings remain the same.
Ana, Khalid, Adniz and Jiden came round at about 8pm; I actually made them dinner tonight - simple, really: sambal udang Brahim's, kari sayur terung, and telur goreng mata kerbau. This is probably the first time I've cooked a proper meal for anyone - ever! Usually it's just Nasi Goreng - so sekarang kira dah layak jadi postgrad lah aku ni. We then watched Bend It Like Beckham on DVD; another movie which hits too close to home to for me to be totally comfortable with; but hey.. life goes on huh?
Busy week ahead - takbir raya Isnin malam Selasa; Raya Haji on Selasa; Presentation on Wednesday, Classes on Thursday and meeting dengan Peter Pope on Friday.
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/10/2003 12:59:19 AM// Your Say. . .
Taking noticeJust got back from watching 2 Weeks Notice - ended up ramai yang pergi: Ana, Khalid, Adam, Dy, Mas, Jid, Rijal, Adniz, Helmi and myself; tapi yang tengok 2 Weeks Notice tiga orang ajer : aku, Ana ngan Mas. Diorang yang lain tu tengok cerita Catch Me If You Can ; an equally intriguing story which I would have watched myself had it not been for a) Leonardo di Caprio in the lead role and b) Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock in the lead role of 2 Weeks Notice.
I've found Sandra Bullock managed to tickle my funny bone in Miss Congeniality and since this is another rom-com, it couldn't fail. And as for Hugh, well, let's just say I've seen most of his work post-4 Weddings and a Funeral. His characters in the movies always carry a brand of British wit which I find extremely attractive. So anyway, seeing both of them on the same screen was a bonus.
The movie itself - well, firstly the anchor soundtrack: a very good version of Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows - who sings some of my favourites : Mr. Jones, Omaha, A Long December. Their music is melancholic at best, depressing at worst; brilliant stuff when all you want to do is brood. The song sort of fits the movie because the plot revolves around Sandra Bullock's character who is an environmentalist.
The plot itself is nothing new; a bit cliched at times but what makes the movie work is the chemistry between Grant and Bullock. In essence their characters were two people who became friends and were totally at ease with each other, and at the same time not realising their affections for each other. Some of the scenes struck a raw
chord with me; sort of reminded me of someone who, in some ways, embodies the kind of man I am looking for - respects my independence, appreciates our differences, makes me laugh and is comfortable with his own insecurities while at the same time helping me overcome mine - it's just that he is not attracted to me in THAT way, and I guess his sentiments mirror mine. Many people have asked me why we haven't ended up together; my answer is that too much of a good thing can also be bad. Although admittedly, parts of that movie did make me think of him; the first time in ages, I might add. Which is not a bad thing - I have now earned the right and the excuse to listen to broody songs tonight.
Ok.. what else about the movie.. hmm.. the ending was a bit corny; I sort of don't buy into the confession, public letter reading / poetry reading confession style endings - a major flaw in most of my favourite romantic comedies : Notting Hill (the I am just a girl standing in front of a boy bit), 10 Things I Hate About You (the I hate the way you wear your hair yadda yadda bit), Pretty Woman (the opera song blaring through the limo bit) ; you get my drift. If it were up to me, Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You would have said, to Heath Ledger, something to the tone of, "You bastard, I'm in love with you. Deal with it." There is, of course a reason why I am here doing my PhD and screen writers are making mega bucks in Hollywood. But nonetheless, Two Weeks Notice was an enjoyable movie overall - too familiar at times but fun nonetheless.
Just for fun, I thought I'd put in the lyrics of one of my favourite brooding songs here - it's called Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms, an Arizona band who have since split up and are now playing together again. They made great upbeat music to be melancholic to. This particular song was written by their guitarist Doug Hopkins, who, if I recall correctly, committed suicide just after the band hit it big with their album 'New Miserable Experience'. Figures.
Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
Tell me do you think it'd be alright
If I could Just crash here tonight
As you see I'm in no shape for drivin'
And any way I 've got no place to goAnd you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I ever had
I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might no be aloneTomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take it's placeHey jealousy Hey jealousy
Hey Jealousy Hey JealousyYou can trust me not to drink
And not to sleep around
And if you don't expect too much form me
You might not be let downCos all I really want's to be with you
And feel like I matter too
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
posted by Prof_Sadin 2/9/2003 12:59:27 AM// Your Say. . .